Delirious

Well first of all I would like to thank Lisa yea...I can now post links. She taught me and I understood!!! I would also like to thank her too, because she was a huge sweetheart to me today and not only brought me a chai tea, but took Kyle for the afternoon. They are taking him to church tonight and then bringing him home when it's over. I took Madi out to my mom's today and she's keeping her overnight. I had to pick her up from school early on Tuesday, because she had fever. Well it ended up going all night, and early into the morning...so my sleep was very minimal. She stayed home from school today, and mom offered to watch her and keep her overnight. If she's better she'll bring her to school, if not she'll let her go to work with her. Madi is a star up at the high school, so she's pretty excited to be with her.

All of that to say, I now have some peace and quiet. Mason is in bed, and I'm enjoying the rest. I was trying to work today, and fortunately I'm pretty caught up, but my brain was heading towards shut down level. So I got to take a nap. I know all of this is going around really bad and for some it's about the second time in a row. Really, we've been lucky. No one has had to go to the doctor for sickness since November. That's a record for us! I would think this insane weather would also have something to do with it...I just can not stand the wind. No matter what you do...yell at it, cuss at it...it just won't stop. I've tried it all.

I booked my babysitter yesterday for the weekend of Master Follies. I'm using my mom/a girl from LCU so I can have the weekend off. I know most divorced families share custody for occasions like this, but no such luck for me. On that front, I think the boy is just spiraling downward out of control. Enough about that though, I on the other hand am just giddy about girl time next weekend. We are planning on having a Kappa party at my house on Friday night. Any old alums are invited! I think it will probably start at 8. My kids will be at the sitters house, so I will actually be able to be at home! There really isn't a set agenda...just fun!

Well that's about it...I am hoping I will get some real sleep tonight! Hopefully all of this sickness will be leaving us all really soon!!!

Tagged...

These are the rules: (1) Link to the person that tagged you. (2) Post the rules on your blog. (3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. (4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. (5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Okay, I've been tagged by two different people to do this post. One by my friend Susan and one by Celeste. Susan's required 6, and Celeste required 5, I'll go ahead and do 6 to make sure all my bases are covered. I had a hard time with this one...I feel so normal!!!

1. I already disclosed this in my last post, but it is true for me...so I'm adding it to the list. My giggle box can get turned over very easily, and I can laugh so hard that tears come out. I'm not actually crying...although I have done that before...but I laugh so hard that tears come out.

2. I have a horrible problem of running over parked objects that are not meant to be ran over. For example things that are short enough to be ran over, but yet tall enough to do damage to your car. Where there is a parking block to be ran over and nothing else in sight, I will manage to find a way to run over it. This happens at least once a month. I did this on Friday in a completely open parking lot. I almost laughed so hard that I cried. But it truly is a problem, I have done some expensive damage before. I come by it naturally though, my mother has the same problem.

3. My baby toes is missing a joint and I can turn it 90 degrees...and no it doesn't hurt at all. This is also the reason why I've broken it about 1,000 times...it gets in my way, or a chairs way, or a pole...anything it comes into contact with...it's quite annoying.

4. During the winter I shower every morning, pretty much without fail, and take a bath every night. I have to...I get so cold!

5. I love to do cartwheels...I was just doing them the other day in my backyard. I hadn't done one in a while and I wondered if I still had it even at 29...and yes, I still do. :)

6. I went through a spell when I thought I wanted to be a dog groomer. I don't know why, I think it has something to do with shaving them. I think it looks so cool. Maybe I should just go to a farm and shave a sheep or something to get my fill. I'm pretty sure I'd be a horrible dog groomer, not to mention my hatred for cats.

Okay, so I tag: Cheri, Jenni K., Ro, SuzAnne, Candace, and Jenn Jenn...I tried desperately to do links yesterday, some of you may noticed my testing I was doing (oops, didn't know it had showed up till later) but of course to no avail...someday I will figure it out! Some of these people I haven't added their link yet to my side bar...I'll work on that tonight!

Girls Night Out...

Sara, Jenn, and me
Callie, Sara, Jenn, me, SuzAnne, and Lisa



I had soooo much fun! I don't know how long it's been since I laughed that hard. I laughed so hard that the tears came out. I know some of you know how that happens to me...don't know why. I just get so tickled that tears come out. It's one of the odd things about me. :)

I guess for me this picture truly represents how life does go on and does get much better. This group is the same group that found out about what was going on with me when it first happened. No one else knew at the time, and my sister called her closest friends (this group) and got them together to pray with me.

Now over a year later...here we are...and oh how things are soooo much better.

I look forward to the next night out!

Goings on...

It's been another great week around our house...of course it looks like a tornado has been through here, but I guess that's what your house looks like when you've been doing a whole lot of living in it. One thing I've learned is that the laundry will never be done...never. There will always be more, so why do it!!!??? Well really, I guess that isn't the best theory, but it's working for me today. Now tomorrow on the other hand, I have got a whole list of chores to do.

I got to have breakfast with friends this morning and I'm going to get to go out with those same friends tomorrow night to Cafe J. I was thinking about this group and how they came to be, and then how they came to be in my life...it's kind of neat to me. Hopefully I'll get a pic tomorrow night and share with you what I mean.

I went to Bunco tonight. I would say I played, but we don't hardly play anymore. Most of the time we eat and then win a prize, which isn't all the bad. I got a really pretty large, brown stoned necklace, not to mention a great meal that I most importantly did nothing to prepare it!

I have to brag on Madi for a minute. When I came tonight she wanted me to come look at her room. She cleaned it from top to bottom and organized it soooo well. I was most impressed at how she decided to hang up all of her socks and panties, on hangers mind you. It's very interesting. She has just been doing amazing at school. Everyday this week I've picked her up and her teacher tells me how absolutely wonderful she's doing and behaving. Nothing warms my heart more!

I broke down and made an appointment to see the dentist. Okay, I hate the dentist. I would rather go to the gynecologist than see the dentist. Yes, I would rather have a pelvic exam than go to the dentist. Now, that is some hate. But I'm making myself do it. I have a tooth that is hurting and I need to go anyways. I have a goal that I'm trying to make here, and the first step is going to the dentist. I need to have some dental work done, and then the next step is the orthodontist. Yes, I'm going to be a 30 year old nerd with braces...again for the third time in my life. I'm the poster child for someone who didn't wear their retainers. But it's what I want, so I'm willing to go through with it, in order to get what I want. This dentist offers sedation therapy. If I can afford it, I will do it. Please, knock me out so that I may not have any recollection of ever being there!!! Some people fear small spaces, some people fear dentists...that's me.

Well that's all for now. I hope you all have a great weekend!!!

Tagged...

My friend Tisha tagged me...this one took some thought. Whoever wants to do it, feel free!!!

5 things I want my kids to know:
-They are each an amazing gift to me.
-No matter what I will always love them, and there's nothing they could do to ever change that.
-The one and only answer to this life is Jesus...don't look for it anywhere else, because you will fail.
-Don't sweat the small stuff, or the big stuff for that matter! In the end, none of it will be important!
-How blessed we truly are!

5 things you want to tell your children when they grow up:
-I did my very best as your mom. I failed many times, but I gave it the most valiant effort that I could.
-My most important job was being your mom, and through all the hard times, I still loved it.
-I tried to provide the best life I could for you, and teach you what really matters in this life.
-The one and only answer to life is Jesus...don't look for it anywhere else, because you will fail.
-With God, ALL things are possible.

5 things you want to tell your children before you die:
-My life was made complete, because each of you were a part of it.
-I'm so proud of you!
-I love you with all of my heart.
-This isn't goodbye...this is "I'll see ya later...gators!"
-The one and only answer to life is Jesus...don't look for it anywhere else, because you will fail.

5 things you want your children to know before they die:
-peace that the freedom of Christ offers.
-just how freeing forgiveness can be.
-that they were made out of love.
-the love of a father and mother...even if the definition isn't "textbook family"
-The one and only answer to life is Jesus...don't look for it anywhere else, because you will fail.

8 months...

Can you tell these two are related??? The top one is when Madi was 9 months old.

Brothers...

Mason is 8 months!!! Where is the time going??? He is such a joy and quite possibly the most content baby I've ever seen. He is just so perfect for me! If he had been my first, I'd probably had 5 more! Thank the good Lord he wasn't my first then, because I'd be crazier than I am now! :)

I saw the movie "Juno" tonight. It was great! I don't know when I'd laughed that hard at a movie. It's hilarious, yet serious and heartwarming...definitely one of my new favs.

Next week we'll start with week 1 of "Larissa's life in pictures." Just kidding...I'd probably bore you all to tears and lose some readers. But I will find some good stuff to post. And what a more perfect time with Follies around the corner??? I can start reliving my Kappa past!

My favs...

Kyle at 10 months
Madi at 9 months

Okay, so I learned how to use my scanner. It only took 6 months, but hey whatever! I got it done. So now, I'm probably going to go nuts posting pics from my entire childhood. I probably won't have time for writing anymore, just pics. :) These two pics are probably my favorites of Madi and Kyle. I just took the one of Kyle by myself. The one of Madi we had professionally done. I don't have a favorite of Mason yet. I will post a pic of him tomorrow, because he will 8 months old. I want to post a pic of it with Madi, so you can see just how much they look alike. It's crazy!

What I've learned...

It's Friday night and I'm home blogging...that's kind of depressing to me at first thought. However, after much thought, no it's not. Where else would I be? A bar, a club? No, thanks...I really don't want to be there. I really do want to be home with my family. Does it make a difference that I don't have a mate at home with me? Sure, and do I wish I had someone with me...absolutely. I've learned that feeling that way doesn't make me needy or abnormal. That is a desire that God put in my heart. That's why He created Eve for Adam...companionship.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've learned some very valuable lessons that I have carried with me and that have really started to shape my life. They have given me a lot of peace and rejuvenated me.

First, I heard a quote that has really struck me: "What we see mainly depends on what we are looking for." A man named John Lubbock said that, ironically. I couldn't agree more. If you are looking for mediocrity, you will find it. If you are looking for less than you deserve, you will find it. If you are reaching for the stars, you will find them. If you are looked to be blessed, you will find blessings. It's all in your mindset! If you think you can, you will...if you think you can't, then you won't. This applies to me in all areas of my life...personally, professionally, spiritually...etc.

I know why I've felt so good lately, because for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I'm trying to stay in a frame of mind that will only see the positive. I know the negative is there...I don't have to think about it to know it's not. I don't have to look at the many reasons why my life seems overwhelming. In fact I don't even like mentioning it, because then it almost gives the "difficult" a little power. I have to fight really hard for my hope. I don't pretend to think that my life is harder than others out there. I personally feel that I'm dealing with small beans here compared to some others. And on top of that, I am so very blessed to have the best friends and family that love and support me sooo much. However, hope for a new tomorrow is something that I have to fight for. I don't fight for faith...I don't think so anyways. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is here and working...and always will be. Hope is a little harder though, but it's something that I will keep fighting for...I refuse to give up. I've noticed one thing about myself. The harder things get, the more I fight. Now, that is not an invitation to make my life harder...I think it's just something my Dad instilled in me as a child. Maybe he saw that I might need that. It's funny how things like that work out...boy did I ever need that!

It seems that once I did start to look at things in a different way and set myself up for only the best, things started happening. I don't want to settle...not for a man that is "alright", not for just enough money to pay my bills, not to just get by each day...I want to be great in every way...the way God intended.

Second, what I've learned about dating with children: it's stinkin' hard to do it properly. Once again I want to do things right, even if that means the hard way. Anything worth doing is worth doing right! What I'm about to say is absolutely in no relation to the person I met...just dating in general. I just want to make that clear...I have no idea if he reads this or not. (guess I'll find out...lol.)

All of the BIG conversations must take place upfront...sex, children, money, discipline, politics, religion, lifestyle...etc. We had all of those. Dating with children is an interview process. You have to find out if that person thinks the same way you do from the start, because you need to know if that person is even worth the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual energy that a proper courtship should take. When you do that, it can make the "soon to be relationship" take on a very serious start. You then have to be mature enough to make it slow down.

I learned sooooo much in my 3 week courtship...and I had a great time. I'm glad I did it. I was so terribly nervous about dating and this literally came out of nowhere, which was probably best, because I didn't have time to think about a whole lot. I just did it, and I'm thankful. I feel now I've broken the ice and would be much more apt to date now if someone were to ask me out. And I look forward to it! I discovered I am fun, and I have a lot to offer. I knew that already, but it was reaffirmed to me and it was so nice for me to remember that about myself.

Through this I also learned that no man, or woman (if you're a man reading this) for that matter is worth jeopardizing your morals for. It's not worth it. I'm not going to change who I am simply so that I can have someone in my life. Once again, this is in so way reflecting anything from my "dating" experience...it's just something that I reaffirmed to myself.

I know that there is someone out there for me that will respect my values and morals and wants those things in a wife and mother. I know I've also got a whole lot of baggage with me too, but I'm not going to let that stop me either. It all goes back to seeing what we are looking for. I will see it, because I'm looking for only the best. It may not be today, tomorrow or in a really long time...but I do think it's there! God gives me so much to hope for!!! And yes, some days I have to fight for that more than others, but I do believe it's worth fighting for.

God is always working...always. He works in ways we don't understand and may never. I am, however, thankful for those times when He does give me a little glimpse of tomorrow.

I hope you all have a great weekend...God bless!

Hello, I'm blonde!!!

Got the hair done yesterday...just trimmed it, b/c I'm letting it grow. I told her I wanted it blonder...she said, "Platinum?" I said, no! Just blonder...well I don't know how you can get much more platinum than that. I like it, it's fun...just completely and totally unnatural. Well the color anyways...I have blonde moments all the time. It'll do for now...I've never been one to fuss over hair. It does grow back, so no big deal. In the meantime I'll just have a ball being really blonde. People are going to think I've gone nuts. God divorced...lost a bunch of weight...went platinum blonde...red high heels...geez what's next???

What a Lovely Day!!!

Aggghhh...I love Lubbock and West Texas for the matter, but man I hate the wind. If I were to make a list of things I dislike the wind would one of the biggest. And I HAVE to go to the store today...yuck.

2 for 1!!!

Okay, so two posts in one night. If you'll see below you will notice I posted my favorites list. I had to take a break and take a bath. I smell!!! Well I did anyways. I started kicking it back into high gear with working out last week. I kicked into even higher gear yesterday, and I'm about to pass out now. I'm not a runner, well I didn't think I was, but I'm discovering I'm am! And I'm enjoying it. The last two days I've done two miles on the elliptical stair climber, and then ran/walked two miles. I feel so good even though I'm so tired. Working out just makes me a better person and mom. I'm in such a better mood!

I really am so thrilled with the results I have too. I am now smaller than I was in high school. My weight loss is at about 45 pounds, maybe a pound or two more, but I don't really pay attention to the scale anymore. I just pay attention to the way my clothes fit. I wouldn't mind losing about 8 more pounds, but really I just want to tone up. If I had the money I would totally have a tummy tuck and I would also have my chest moved up to it's original position pre-children days, but that's alright. I'll just invest in a good push up bra. :)

I'm having so much fun though dressing up. Even when I'm not going anywhere I dress up. I wore heels the other day to run errands. And over Christmas I bought a pair of red high heels. Yes, red high heels...just like the song.

So...well things are good. I think I've done a good job standing my ground and letting it be known how I feel. Nathan and I just see things so very differently, and he disagrees with me on that...lol.

I don't know how all of this is going to turn out, I'm not worried. I know if it ever came down to a character issue, I'd win all day and night. We shall see though...I'm not pushing anything right now. I want to see what his attorney says, if he even has an attorney look into it.

Anyways, thanks so much everyone! Y'all are always so encouraging to me. I will survive...I will survive to thrive!!! If you don't normally read my friend Chrissy's blog...go read it. I have to say that her story about Brian passing his test did so much for me. They were so frustrated and had been for a long time about finances. And the way things turned out just confirmed to me how God is always working...and his timing is always right. I wish my situation would clear up sooner than later, but I have to trust God's timing. And most importantly, be faithful in my perseverance. My time will come!!!

My favorite things...

You're welcome to join in and post your favorite things...Jenni K. started the post...so I have to give her the credit for being the creative host!

1. Starbucks...I alternate between the tall, skinny, caramel machiato or the tall, skinny chai tea...yummmm...and good news everyone...there will soon be a new Starbucks right by my house!!!!
2. vanilla diet coke
3. gummy bears...the Haribow brand.
4. when someone surprises me with an offer to watch my kids...it warms my heart, truly!
5. a bargain outfit...I got one this week at Burlington coat factory. I had a $25 gift card. I got pants and a sweater and only had to pay the tax.
6. getting my hair done...especially highlighted. I'm in the best mood for days.
7. lunch with friends.
8. going to the movies.
9. My kids bedtime...I totally agree Jenni!!!
10. working out...what it does for the body and mind!!!
11. Music.
12. When the kids do something funny...it happens a lot.
13. Going to church.
14. spending time with my family.
15. taking steaming, hot baths.
16. yogurt...yoplait brand.
17. chicken club sandwich from chick-fil-a
18. chips and salsa.
19. Being able to fit into a size that that I was in high school.
20. Being a mom.

Revelations...

Well I think I've found a template I like for now anyways...red is after all my favorite. I had some really cute ones that I found, but I couldn't get all my extra stuff on here like I liked. So I just went back to a color. Anyways, maybe someday when I'm rich I can actually pay someone to make it look spiffy like I want it to, but for now, this is how it will look. Let me know if you can't read it, I've had a few issues with that.

Well, well, well...it's Sunday! Children's church started back this week, thank Heavens! And oh I missed being at Monterey. I didn't realize how much I missed it, until I was there today and realized how much I enjoy church! What a blessing!!!

It's been a pretty eventful last couple of days...and I've learned so much about myself...what I need to do, what I don't need to do, and how covered I truly am by love and protection!

You know back in the summer when I decided that I truly had to take a step out and not allow fear to control my life, something really big happened. It seemed as though the minute I did that, God just opened the Heavens for me in so many ways. And I've been facing that same fear for the last couple of weeks. Well today I faced it again head on, and although nothing was solved, I felt like a massive weight was once again lifted off of me. And I guess truly it was, because God took the weight. He's carrying the burden for me, and I don't know what the outcome is...but that doesn't matter. I'm taken care of.

I confronted Nathan today about his lifestyle. I didn't really know what to expect, I knew it wasn't going to be good, but I got a reaction all right. He's contacting an attorney tomorrow and going to fight me. The thing is I'm not saying he can't see his kids, I'm saying I need to see some proof that he's in a good frame of mind to see his kids. And ya know, I asked him to prove me wrong. Show me that he's okay...he can be offended if he wants, but if you're not doing anything then it should be no big deal. So yeah, there are some worries for me. But what worry do any of us ever have that has done any of us any good??????? Not once for me. And if you've found a way to worry and it somehow solves your problem, then let me know, please. You'll be my new best friend!!!

So tonight Colt and SuzAnne took the kids for me. Until we get all this straightened out, my family has agreed to take some time for me. And as much as I hate for them to have to do that, I have to let them. My little free time I have is a necessity in order for me to recharge my batteries. And honestly this all sucks, it does. BUT, any and every time in my life when I've done the harder thing and known it was right, I was greatly rewarded by God. I know this will be the same way.

This morning at church we sang "This is My Father's World" a song I've sang a thousand times. It stood out to me today. I hope you all have a great week.

This is my Father's world. O let me ne'er forget that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet. This is my Father's world: why should my heart be sad? The Lord is King; let the heavens ring! God reigns; let the earth be glad!

Caution Woman Working...

Excuse the mess here, I have no idea what I've done. In an effort to change up my template I have messed things up!!! It went back to my old, old template over a year ago! Yes, congratulations to me for having a baby almost 8 months ago! See, this is what happens when I work on the computer! Oops...hopefully I'll have it fixed soon!

Strength

Well two posts in one day...after much refocus and redirection...I'm doing alright. I actually ended up having a really good day. I got to eat quite possibly the most rejuvenating lunch at McDonald's with Lisa today. It was just nice to sit and talk and be honest and just vent. And then today is my Dad's birthday, so the fam went out to eat dinner tonight. Kyle and Ryder went home with my parents to spend the night. Which ought to be interesting! They've never both spent the night there...just the boys. I can't wait until Mason can do that too!!! :)

I've actually been able to talk to many friends today, whether it be through email or phone. Man, I am just so blessed with so many good people in my life that love me and want the best for me. My life is so rich and full, and although it is hard at times, it is a good life. And a life that I wouldn't trade. There are so many broken people out there who spend all their time self medicating themselves with whatever feels good to them at the time.

I guess at some point today, God just gave me more strength...somebody must have been praying for me, because it worked! I just kind of gathered myself and started fighting again. I'm tough, and I can do this. It doesn't really matter if I want to or not, the task is before me and I'm called to do it, so I will keep fighting.

No, life will not always be this way. It will change...it will get better...and God will continue to bless me.

What to do...What to do

Well I posted last night, and I put a warning on it that it might not be up this morning. Only about 3 people read it...and no, it's not up this morning. It didn't say anything bad, I just am in a little better place this morning, than I was last night.

I've got so much swirling around in my little head...so much. So many things I don't understand. No, they're not all related, but in ways they have all just kind of come together and are stressing me a little.

Ya know many have always told me how well I'm doing and how proud of me they are. And I've always said, "what choice do I have?" I have discovered that although I think the best choice is to live a life that God wants me to, living the other way really is easier. That's why so many people in this world do. I do believe that the other way to live is a complete and total mirage from satan, but temporarily it seems easier. Being a Christian isn't for the weak hearted, that is for certain.

I've always thought I was a regular ole' gal with good values...not so much an oddity, but I'm finding out that it is. I'm also discovering that in the dating world that makes me so different. Not necessarily a bad thing, just different. Oh, I have got lots to learn!!!

I'm calling my attorney today to see what I need to do about my ex...I'm not sure that the lifestyle he has chosen is something that my kids can safely be around. Granted, he only sees them for 5 measly hours a week, but even then...I have concern.

I'm wondering if I'll ever have any sort of a life.

And ya know, even more sometimes, I'm wondering why I'm called to live this life. I know all the "cliche" answers, "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, this too shall pass, God isn't going to give you more than you can handle"...to name a few. And I do believe those things, my belief in God hasn't shifted at all...sometimes I just don't get it. And this would be one of those occasions that I would really like to know what God is thinking...really. I would like just a little glimpse of something that would tell me that it will all be okay...I want to see it. And I know that the thought of Heaven should probably be enough, but I'm struggling with that today. I'm struggling with that in this life on Earth.

Last night for the first time in months and months I went to bed feeling so incredibly uncomfortable. Not nearly as uncomfortable as a year ago this time, but a little like that. I did have a sense of dejavu...because I couldn't lay down, I couldn't stand up, I couldn't sit, I couldn't sleep...I was just all over the place with uncomfortable feelings. I did what I did a year ago, and just cried to God to calm me. He did...I finally fell asleep. I am thankful that the feelings aren't nearly as intense as they used to be, I just don't know really what to do with it all. When I went through the divorce I got so good at putting one foot in front of the other. I learned to adapt and survive in almost every situation. Well now I'm having to revamp things...it's a little harder to put one foot in front of the other with these new things I'm dealing with...but I have to learn how to do that as well. I guess I'll eventually get good at that too.

I admit it, I'm a little blah today...it's just time to refocus and redirect.

Clarification...

Just to clarify...don't read too much into anything I was saying with that horoscope, about the news I previously posted. I can't really put a definition on what my new found place is in life as far as that goes. For now I would just say I'm enjoying myself. The horoscope though is really about life in general for me right now, whether there is someone in my life or not. I've been working for a while on changing my mindset. I've been trying to come to an understanding about all the changes in life and the different seasons we all experience. You've all heard me talk about it a lot. And to me that horoscope just really sums up for me what I am experiencing in every aspect of my life. The end of a marriage, small children, a growing job, dating, new friends, etc...and realizing that these all have their time and place. We never stop changing. I will not be in the same place forever, and neither will the events of my life. I am having fun though, and I don't really know what's going to happen as far as my new "friend" goes...for now it is a great diversion. :)

Aries

I'm an Aries...I'm not really into horoscopes or anything, but yahoo is my homepage and they always have my horoscope on there, so I always read it. Here's what mine was for today. I needed this today, I really did.

When was the last time you contemplated what your future was going to look like? Visualizing what you want is not a waste of time -- it's a very smart way to plan. Do not assume that because things are going a certain way now that they will continue in that direction forever. Every day offers you an opportunity to mix things up and move things around, and today will present you with a very obvious opportunity. Play the 'what if' game and imagine what would happen if you grabbed your chance.

Confession Time...

Okay, so I've had something on my mind...do I say it, do I not...what do I say, how much do I say? Hmmmm...well I just decided that I'm going to say it. I met someone.
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Okay, you can pick yourselves up off the floor, or your jaw...whichever is on the floor. Chrissy, I can hear you now. "What? Who?" (Some of my friends are a little predictable.)

Not many people know...in fact very, very few. And that's been for several reasons. One reason is I don't want to be serious, and even mentioning it kind of gives the impression it could be serious. Then again, maybe that's my hangup. Two, this is all so new to me. And I'm discovering just how truly difficult dating the second time around is. Three, the kids. And most importantly the kids...they add a whole other element to something that already has it's challenges.

I'm not giving details...no names...no stories...not now. I guess the reason why I decided to say something is because just like going through the divorce was hard, I saw how me being honest really helped not only me, but did a lot for others too. Maybe this will be the same way. It's not about the person I'm dating, it's just about dating in general. Does that makes sense?

I will say though that I am enjoying myself and although you have to jump through lots of hoops to date someone when you have kids, it seems to be worth it right now. It would have to be, because otherwise it's just too exhausting. Well more on that later...maybe.

What about your legs?

***You'll have to read the post below this for this to make sense.***

So I still have this wrapper sitting beside my computer. Madi walks up and wants to know what it says. So I told her. She asked me what it meant, and to the best of my ability I explained it. Madi is the kind of girl that you can actually have these kinds of serious conversations with her and she gets you...on some level anyways.

So I gave her the example of wanting to do something really bad, but thinking about it and knowing that it's not the best decision, because there might be consequences. So in conclusion I told her that you must always let your heart and head work together to make good decisions. Her only reply was, "So mom, what about your legs?" This is also the same girl who has decided that when she grows up she thinks that she will marry God. I think He would be a great son-in-law. My life is never dull!!!!!!!

Which is it?

Okay so I have this bag of chocolate that I need to stop eating. It's the Dove chocolate hearts...you know the kind I'm talking about? This bag of candy was supposed to go to someone to cheer them up. I told SuzAnne that we had better get this package sent off soon or I was going to have to open the chocolate soon and eat it. Well, it's sat there far too long and then I got P.M.S. (as if you really needed to know that) and well that was the end. The chocolate had to be eaten. If you're a woman I'm sure you understand. Fortunately, Wal-mart isn't too far away. So it can be replaced.

Well so I'm eating the chocolate and they have the little phrases about love inside the wrappers. One today that I ate says, "Trust with your heart, not your head." I don't like that, I never have. Your heart can lie to you. Your heart can drive you to make emotional decisions that your head might not necessarily agree with. And I'll be the first to admit that it is so terribly hard to not to allow your heart and mind to work together. It's fun to trust your heart. It feels good! But if everyone went around trusting their hearts and not using their heads, we'd all be a mess!
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So I after I wrote the above, I googled "trusting your heart and head" and found this...I love the answer.

Neither one: if you're thinking that they're two separate things it's already too late for trust.A whole person isn't split up into head and heart, body and mind, "good self" and "bad self", or any other conceptual division. We talk and think this way because we don't learn to just *see* -- in other words, we get caught up in believing that the whole is made up of a bunch of parts. But that's just some idea somebody came up with, our experience isn't really like that if we pay attention to it.Experience flows moment to moment as a stream of thoughts, feelings, sensations, moods, perceptions, all playing off of each other. When we stop getting tangled up in our beliefs and stories and just settle into being present here-and-now, the whole organism of self responds spontaneously and appropriately in concert with the situation. Intellect does it's part, affect (emotion) does it's part, and so forth, but these aren't independent from each other.Basically, it's about learning to dance with whatever is going on... that's trust. Everything is integrated because nothing was truly separate in the first place.
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I don't know who wrote it, but I think that is exactly right. Your heart and your head have to work together!!! Thanks Dove, I love your chocolate, but I think you're way off on this one.

2008

Happy New Year everyone! Ahhhh I just smell "newness" in this year. I'm not sure what that smells like, but it's in the air. I didn't do a whole lot...I did stay up and watch the ball drop. I'm usually in bed by the time. But I will say I did have a great time.

No resolutions this year...just learning to be...to be where I'm at. I have finally discovered the secret to healing! The secret is that there is none. You just do. You just learn to be where you are and little by little things change for you. Time goes by each day and new things happen and the realization that life never stops changing really sets in and becomes okay. Because really that is one of the hardest parts...becoming okay with the fact that your life has really changed and will never be the same as it was. And while it's never the same, that doesn't mean that new things will not happen and bring new life. With all that said, I'm doing good. I feel refreshed.

I'm meeting with my mom and sister's for lunch today. I hope everyone is taking the opportunity to get in their black eyed peas. At least a spoonful. We do every year without fail. River Smith's is having free black eyed peas today, so we're going there. I need all the luck I can get, so I'm just not taking any chances that me not eating black eyed peas would mess up my year. :)

Well I'm on the countdown for school to start back up. The kids have done great, but it's time. It needs to happen. However, I will say my house has been so clean since I've been able to be home everyday. I've gotten a lot done. Madi is going to spend a day or two at my parents house today. That will help me out. Anyways, well I need to get up and get around. Happy 2008!!!