Turtles and such

Happy Monday morning. Our weekend was good. It was busy as usual. We had a birthday party to go to for our friend's Eric and Roxanne's little boy, Jacob. He turned one! The kids had a good time.

Then there was church yesterday, which I am always thankful for. What would I do without church??? I'm always so glad to be there and be a part.

Yesterday afternoon the kids spent time with their dad. It had been the first time in 3, almost 4 weeks I guess since they had seen him or talked to him. He blames me, because I won't let him come to my house. I still believe I did the right thing, and don't doubt my decision AT ALL. Ya know, I always think about the things I choose to post about, because I believe they have to serve a purpose in order for me to say something about them. I DO NOT want to ever come across as a bitter, angry ex-wife. I'm not one, so why say things that don't really need to be said? I'm choosing to talk about this for the simple reason that I ask for prayers in this situation. I'm treading on new water here with knowing how to handle it, what to say, what not to say, and I do need spiritual guidance. I'm looking to God and surrendering all, because I don't know the first thing to do in trying to do it right...by myself anyways.

My ex-husband has decided to introduce the kids to his girlfriend. I say introduce, but he doesn't have to, because they already know her. Yes, for those who are close friends of mine...it would be THAT ONE. Now, I am not hurt at all by the situation. I got over that a long time ago. What I am sad for is my little girl. Yes, I'm sad for Kyle too...but right now, he's completely oblivious to everything that has happened and is happening. Madi on the other hand isn't so much. Yesterday was the first day that they spent time with the both of them. And he told her that they were getting married. He told me that a couple of weeks ago too. I am fine if that's what he wants to do. I have moved on too, so it's okay. But what I DO want is stability for my kids. I want a sense of normalcy for them, as much as I possibly can provide anyways. I think I do the best job I can at doing that, it's all these lovely other factors that come into play that mess me up sometimes.

They took Madi and Kyle shopping for her birthday (it's this Friday) and to lunch and then brought them home. Now, I fortunately was not a witness to any of this. I wasn't home. Sundays are my days off in the afternoons, so I was away. I'm really glad. I wondered how brave he was going to be...if he was going to bring her to my house. He did, but Ashley (my sitter) said she stayed in the car. She and I at one time were good friends, so I would say that she knows better than to come around me. I'm not like that. I'm not a fighter. Well, at one time I would have...oh boy, would I have. Fortunately...fortunately...fortunately...I was pregnant. That would have been a great episode for Jerry Springer, but here in the real world I just did the best I could to get past it. And I did a fine job, ALL BECAUSE OF GOD. Man, I owe him a lot for the beautiful power of grace and forgiveness. I have forgiven, but still I can't say we'll be going shopping together anytime soon. Like I said, I just don't want my kids hurt. I hate that I even have to have "those kinds" of conversations with my kids.

Overall from what I understand, I think things went well. He bought Madi tons of toys and then dropped them off, and I'm not sure when they'll see him again. You've heard this kind of scenario a 1,000 times. I guess what I'm mostly upset about is that they bought her a turtle. A LIVE turtle. I'm not a reptile person. I now have a large aquarium to put together, and an animal to keep alive. I already have three animals. Why would I need another? I would say I feel, but I KNOW this was a completely back handed move on his part to make my life harder. It doesn't shock me at all. It's completely typical of him. Normally I would call him and ask him how to do this and let him know how frustrated I am that he did that. Not this time...instead I will figure it out for the sake of my daughter.

I don't think that I'm perfect...at all. I have done plenty of things wrong. I struggle with my attitude in this situation constantly. I struggle DAILY, HOURLY to be a good parent. IT'S HARD. I don't think it comes natural at all for me. I really feel that my parenting skills are something I need to pray about more and make a focus on each and every day.

I don't really know how my kids are doing. I know people tell me how great they are, and how far they've come. I will agree there...they have improved drastically. There are still so many areas that I need strength in to help them be better little people. As I've had to learn myself to role with the punches, even when it's sad, I want them to learn that too. I can sit and have a pity party, or I can get up and move on...keep going...keep fighting...and persevere. Then there's times when I feel I need to just love more. Be more caring, more compassionate. I guess somewhere in there I need to find a balance. But really, don't all parents struggle with that? I know I'm not alone, just because I'm a single parent.

I say all of this to ask for prayers and I journey through all of this...it's a continual process that has given me a little bit of a curve ball, but as I want to teach them to keep going and re-direct; I have to as well. I know that there are so many people who love me and my kids and support us in numerous ways. I'm so thankful...so incredibly thankful, AND SO BLESSED.

In reference to my last post, I do know that God is working. Thanks to you all...those were some insightful comments! And through you, I learned a lot. I do believe God is working...really big right now. I FEEL it, and I can't wait to be able to share what I have experienced through it. Maybe even if I see a blessing through something so unconventional, like a turtle or something. Who knows...stranger things have happened.

Hmmm...

I'm not really sure what this post is about. It's about an assortment of things. Maybe I can manage to pull all my thoughts together. Or maybe not and you can just read it for what it is.

The ole' analytical brain of mine is working way overtime right now. I was writing in my journal and got an interruption from Sheila. She's in town and she wanted me to go to lunch with her tomorrow. I am sooo glad she's here and I'm so glad I get to see her. I just broke down and started crying. I know she's someone I can be completely honest with about life. I can tell her exactly how I'm feeling and she doesn't judge me one bit. She's always been a real friend to me.

I try to explain what's wrong with me...yeah, there's this and that, but those are all just surface issues. What's the meat of the issue? It's my faith. I'm still struggling with the Point A to Point B kinds of things. I know I will get to point B, the "how" is just killing me and I don't know why I can't just get it that it's all going to work out. I really believe in my heart of hearts that satan is working triple time on me. He is clouding me so bad that he wants me to give up before I have even started playing the game. Why? Because he doesn't want me to get to point B. I think about that quote from Joyce Meyer that I love, "Feel the fear and do it afraid." Break through the barriers of fear, do what is hardest and you will be rewarded greatly. I have to...I have to...I have to. And I guess if I cry the whole way, that's okay. There's nothing wrong with me being fearful, as long as don't let the fear stop me.

I've been thinking about something else to. I said before how God works in such mysterious ways. I think we all have our ideas of what is good and bad and what should happen and shouldn't, but God has never been conventional. I often think about how I used to pray for Nathan and pray that he would someday choose to take the role of spiritual leader in our family. I have journals and journals full of this prayer. I read the book by Stormie Omartian, "The Power of a Praying Wife"...I prayed...a lot. And I often wondered what happened. I really don't think I questioned God, I just didn't understand. Not only did my marriage fail, but I also kind of felt I had failed spiritually.

I've had a little bug in my brain about this very thing this week, because now I'm starting to see how maybe although I looked at that situation and thought I failed, or that it was hopeless, God could have been using that very ugly situation to fix something within it that desperately needed to be fixed. I've seen and experienced a whole lot of ugly things that I've never shared on here. I've always wondered what good could come from it, but I think maybe I am now beginning to see how God can use the biggest pile of poo and transform things in the most unconventional of ways.

A couple of months ago I received a compliment that touched me so much. I ran into someone who I know as an acquaintance, but I do not know her well. We've just always smiled each other in passing on the occasions that we have seen each other. She came up to me and told me that started reading my blog a year ago and anytime she has a bad day, she reads it. I didn't even know that she knew I had a blog. I didn't really know what to say, but was completely honored that she even felt that way. Sheila pretty much just told me the same thing. I don't say that egotistically, I say that because, when I'm struggling, what do I do? I have to look to the one thing that is the source of my encouragement. The driving force behind everything I do and have done for the last year and a half...God. I'll be really honest, it's a lot easier to sit behind this computer screen and "be faithful" The hard work is the doing and standing behind what you say. I'm always a little caught off guard when I know someone has read my blog, especially when it's been a real personal post. I'm still SO embarrassed about the time at Cari's lingerie shower when I broke down crying in the kitchen to poor Julie. I think it was in August and that was pretty much the month from HELL for me. Let's see...off the top of my head here's all what happened in that month: Mason was sooo sick, he wasn't gaining weight, he had an ear infection, upper respiratory infection, and MRI, an upper GI, a stomach bug for 12 days, a trip to the ER, a trip to the dr. once a week, Madi started K-garten, I had to fly to Dallas for my loan officer classes, I had to pass the test in that month and have all my stuff in to the state before Sept. 1, Nathan had dropped off on child support, my air conditioner in my car broke, oh yeah and we moved and packed in 2 days. I think that was it. I laugh about it now...man, that was a bad month. So at Cari's shower I'm talking to Julie and I had just posted something that was really personal to me, and I knew she read it. I just started balling. Now a lot of you know Julie and know what a precious person she is. That was probably the nicest person that could have been listening to me vent. My point though is that it's easier to sit here and be faithful...it's so much harder to walk the walk. But the talk isn't any good without the walk. And I have to...I have no choice...not an acceptable one anyways.

I guess that all goes back to the unconventional ways that God works. Sometimes I'm just lucky enough to get to see and understand a little bit better...sometimes I'm not. satan wants my faith so bad, which helps me to realize that it must be really valuable, because he wouldn't want it otherwise. When is he ever going to learn? I struggle, but I'm not giving up. I will keep trying.

"Abraham never waivered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises. And because of Abraham's faith, God counted him as righteous. And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn't just for Abraham's benefit. It was recorded for our benefit too, assuring us that God will also count us as righteous if we believe in him, the one who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead." Romans 4:20-25

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with love."

Romans 5:3-5

I could go on and on in this chapter and find a few more chapters that apply, but I'm going to stop here. Now if you will excuse me while I go have a good cry. :) And I really do say that with a smile. I'm okay...just thinking a lot, and in the process being forced to stretch and grow. Man, just when I thought I couldn't stretch anymore.

New Week

I started my new job on Tuesday. I feel more than ever that I made the right decision. I'm still nervous, but it's more of a nervous excitement. I feel (and know too) that this is where God wants me right now. I've said before that open doors always lead to other open doors. And that's really the truth. Who knows what will happen, but as every other opportunity had led me to another...this is the same way. So, I'm where God wants me, now I just have to have the faith that the right people will come into my path to lead me where I need to go next.

My mom is coming over this afternoon so I can go get my hair done. Colt and SuzAnne are doing that for my birthday. I've had a hard time deciding if I want to stay blond or go darker. I think I've decided to stay blond for the summer. I may darken it some when it gets cooler. I can't have the same hair color all the time. It's just too boring to me.

I know you all want to see Easter pics...they're all on SuzAnne's camera. I will get them from her soon and get them posted.

Everything else is going good. Kids are good. Mason seems to be doing better, besides the teeth that is. His top four are still trying to come in at once. He's still been waking up at night, but it hasn't been that bad.

Honestly, I've had a lot on my mind this week. I might elect to talk about it later, I might not. Either way, it's been a week of new things and new experiences. Some good, some not. Well, I say it's not good. Who really is to say if it's good or not. I've just decided that things I used to look at and wonder what good could possibly come from it...who knows? God works in sooo many mysterious ways. This yet could be another way He's working. I am, however, fine...I'm great. I am just still continually being stretched spiritually and I know that the only thing that can come from that is good.

My Birthday

I am so exhausted. It has been a whirlwind of a 24 hours for me. I'm fixing to crash, but I just wanted to tell everyone thanks. So many of you called, texted, emailed...you name it...to wish me a Happy Birthday. Thanks so you all. I had the BEST birthday I could have ever asked for. I am so blessed by my wonderful friends and family.

I had a great time with Brent last night. He still wasn't feeling too great, but he still managed to cook me a great dinner. I don't believe I've shared what a MAGNIFICENT cook he is. The boy has some big skills to say the least. He got the kids and I flowers for Easter, and then got me gift certificates to Kohl's and Starbucks...two of my favs!!! And the sweetest card ever. I'm really liking this boy a lot. And I'm pretty sure he's liking me a lot too.

Tonight he cooked me an AWESOME dinner too. Every Sunday night he cooks out and several friends come over. I love this about him...he loves to entertain. At one point he said, "do y'all want to do karaoke?" I thought he was joking. No...he wasn't. He comes downstairs with an amplifier and microphone. So for like 2 hours tonight all we did was sing. It was hilarious.

He made the day sooo special for me.

I also had a great time with my family at church this morning, and then at lunch today. Overall, it was the best birthday I remember. I'm so incredibly thankful for all that is happening in my life, and all the hope I have for great things to continue! So thanks to you all for playing a part...y'all are the best!!!

Is spring break over yet?

Okay, so the time is winding down. I'm ready. I'm ready for things to move back into a "normal" state. The kids have done great, but momma needs a break.

We made a quick trip to the Dr. on Thursday afternoon with Mason. He's had something wrong with him for a couple of days now. I say something, because I wasn't sure what. Possibly ears, teething, something viral, or maybe a combination of all three. It looks like it may be a combination. Really, I think it's mostly teeth. His four top teeth are trying to come in. His mouth is just swollen, and you can see right where they're all trying to come in. He has just been a bear!!! She did put him on antibiotics, because his ears were red and looking like they might become infected. The viral issues have gone away...so now if we can just get these teeth in!!! He hasn't been sleeping very well, which means I haven't either.

Brent has been sick too. All I know is I have a babysitter showing up at 7 tonight, and I'm doing something. There will be fun somewhere and I will be with it. I'm just praying these two people heal up, so that I can go and not worry and then have fun with the other one!

Hump Day

The week is half way over...and ya know, it's been really good. I've actually felt like a stay at home mom this week, and ENJOYED it. I've said before, I've never been one that could stay home all the time without having something to do work wise...well this week has just been nice to focus on family totally. It doesn't look like the zoo trip will work, because my mom had to have a tooth pulled today at the last minute and today was the only day that would have worked for us. We have, however, managed to fill up our week with lots of other things. My house is clean too! I've got a few other things to do to it, but for the most part, it's the cleanest it's been in a really long time!!! Next is to tackle my car and garage. I may save the garage for later though, that doesn't sound all that thrilling to me. I think I need a dump truck for that one. It's really not that bad, I've just got soooo much to go through. I'm drowning in baby clothes and toys and things like that. It was just a little over a year ago, that I had a mass exodus of stuff donated to Concho. I didn't think I had gained that much back, especially in the limited amount of space we had back then. It's just amazing how much stuff little babies have!

Tomorrow night I'm going to dinner with friends and then Saturday night Brent is taking me out for my birthday. Sunday is Easter and also my 30th Birthday!!! My parents are going to church with me, and then we're eating at Colt and SuzAnne's house and having an egg hunt. Oh, and for all you weather watchers, Sunday is the coldest day this week. I don't know why I would expect any different though. I think that happens every year on Easter. That's alright, we'll just be cold, but look real cute in all of our short sleeves and sandals.

I hope y'all are all having a good Spring Break!!!

Spring Break

It's Spring Break...which I'm a little anxious about I have to say. No where in those two words implies a break of any sort for me, it actually makes things more "challenging" on me, but creativity is the key! Fortunately for me this week, I don't have much work to do. Since I don't have child care I won't be starting at Greater Homeland until next week, so this week I just have mostly kid things to do. Which really is nice. We can kind of be foot loose and fancy free to do whatever. Sometimes it's hard for me to enjoy that and just be with my kids, so I think it will be good for all of us. I'm sure there will be daily trips to the park, mall play area...any sort of place like that. Mom and I are planning a trip to Buffalo Springs Lake to have a picnic with the kids, we are thinking of going to Abilene to the zoo one day, (Sheila, I'm calling you soon!!!) and then my grandmother wants to take Madi and Kyle shopping at Alco one day. That will be hilarious! (for me anyways) So, we got some things we're going to do and just learn to enjoy each other. Maybe I can turn off my mom-o-meter a little bit and chill out.

Things are going good. Brent and I are still talking. I don't like to say a whole lot about it at this point, for different reasons. He knows I have a blog, but as he said, he doesn't "get" blogs. There are the bloggers and there are the non-bloggers. He would fall into the "non-blogger" category. I've been having a lot of fun getting to know him, and just appreciate him for so many different reasons. I don't know if I've said this, but he doesn't have kids. So, the whole idea of me having kids is somewhat of a hangup for me. He, however, seems to be doing really well with it. It's really just an adjustment for me and I'm having to learn to have all of those kinds of things come together. It's not easy, I will say. I've also discovered though, that I would rather put myself out there at the risk of it not working out, then not do it at all. That's not really a way to live. No, I don't want to get hurt, but I'm not going to spend the rest of my life ducking out, because I'm afraid of that. So, we are both just taking it one day at a time and learning more about each other, and seeing where it goes.

That's about it for now. I hope you all have a good break!

Time

I picked up my Bible today, and just opened where I had my church bulletin. It was in the section of Ecclesiastes that talks about time.

"For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

God has made everything beautiful for it's own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can."

I needed to read this today. I easily get caught up in "me" and what's going on in my life...what I like, what I don't like. And really, does it matter? Should I not just take today for what it is and be happy with the time I have. It all changes so quickly anyways, why not enjoy today? :)

Big Day

Today has been a big day for me. I had two big conversations. One was with my ex-husband. He wanted a divorce, and I gave him a divorce. So now I want my divorce, so I did just that today. I told him that he's not allowed to watch the kids at my house anymore. He needs to follow the divorce decree and see the kids when he's legally allowed to, and at his house. That didn't go over too well. I didn't expect it would. Which basically means that I will now have to find babysitters when I want free time, because I don't have a whole lot of faith in him to take upon himself to see his children. But for myself, I had to. I've had entirely too many affirming moments from God here lately that I must do that. I've been too nice, too long. He needs to move out of my life completely, so that I can move on completely too.

My other big conversation was one with my boss. I've decided to leave my current job and move to another broker. I was offered this position a couple of weeks ago (this would be the big decision I had been thinking about a few weeks ago) at Greater Home Land Mortgage. They are from Dallas and have been there 9 years. They came to Lubbock two years ago to work with Classic Century Homes, which is a pretty big builder here in Lubbock. Well the loan officer that has been there has since then really diversified himself and is working with a whole lot of people here. How I came to know him is kind of funny, but now we've become pretty good friends. I'm really excited about this. Everyone who now knows about this and knows him, is really excited too. I won't be processing anymore. That was the scary part to me. I will be originating full time. I will still have my flexible schedule and be able to be home as well, but my business will come from contacts, referrals, builders, realtors...and all those kinds of things. So...think of me if you want to get a home loan. The way I see it, if I can beat the rate and terms you are being offered with your current lender, then why wouldn't you use me??? And, it doesn't have to be in Lubbock. I can lend anywhere in Texas. I'm really excited. I like the vision Greater Home Land has, and long term I think this is going to be great for me. I will probably start next week sometime. My office will still be in the same building, and I'm really excited about that too. I really like where I'm at.

So it was just a big day! I am at peace with so much of everything. I'm walking in that straight line keeping my focus where it should be and having faith about it all. Like I said, I still don't know the "how", but that's alright...God does!!!

Rejuvenated

The concert was great! Our seats were sooooo awesome. They were on the risers just by the section on the floor. We went with a group of his friends. I had a lot of fun...before, during, and after! I've been having a lot of fun with him...he's a pretty neat guy.

Church was awesome this morning!!! AWESOME!!! For me, it affirmed everything that I've been thinking and feeling lately about a lot of areas in my life. I'm normally supposed to volunteer in the nursery on this Sunday of the month, but there weren't as many kids there this morning, so I got to go to worship, and I'm soooo glad I was there. Barry used the illustration of people walking in circles. What are they doing? Walking in circles. Where are they going? Nowhere. But with God we walk forward, and God is taking history somewhere. Yes! Yes! Yes! I've just had some real epiphanies lately, that have pushed me forward to continue walking the way I need to. I can sometimes get sidetracked and start to walk in circles, but that's not where I want to stay. Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Well there are some areas of my life that need some fine tuning, because I have allowed myself to get in a rut and act "insane."

So, yeah...that's where I'm at these days. All in all, I'm doing great. I'm having fun, and I have sooo much peace in my life about EVERYTHING. I still don't know the "how" on lots of things, but like the title of my blog, it's all "One Day At A Time." I hope you all have a great week!

Holy Cow...

Where has this day gone??? This was supposed to be a pretty care free day for me. I was going to do a little cleaning, working, getting ready for tonight...etc., etc. It's 2p.m. and I haven't gotten the kids things packed yet, I just sat down to eat lunch, and I'm still not done with work. I have to pick up Madi from school in an hour and drop them all off at the baby sitter's house by 4, to be at Brent's house by 5. And I'm blogging, because?????????? Ha, because I'm excited!!! I'm having fun tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See y'all!

Voting...

I hope you all took your patriotic duty seriously yesterday and voted. If you're in Texas anyways. This election to me is pretty intriguing this go around. Yesterday when I went and voted it was interesting to me the people that were there. It seems it has brought people from all walks of life out. I'm not exactly sure if it's for all the right reasons, but I think it's nice that maybe it has stirred some emotion in some of us anyways.

Madi wanted me to vote for the girl. I'm not saying who I voted for, but I did what I never thought I would do, I will say that. Looks like a lot of us did!

And really the way I see it, isn't God still king? When it comes down to it, does it really matter who's president, because last time I checked God was still in control. So, I'm not working myself into any sort of panic over something that I see that God has the last word on anyways! :)

I'm sooooo excited!!!

Guess who is going to the George Strait concert this week??? Yes, that would be me!!! I'm so excited!!! Brent is taking me, yes, that's his real name. I decided I would say his name, I don't think he'll care. I've spent enough time with him, that I think he's earned that. I did after all earn a spot in his driveway, so I thought I'd return the favor. :) So I'm way pumped!!! I don't know what to wear though, I'm not country at all...I just like George Strait. I mean really, who doesn't??? So if you have any suggestions, please help!!!

Today is Saturday and can I just tell you that I am looking forward to this day. Normally I honestly dread the weekends, because they're harder on me. But today the ONLY thing I have to focus on are the kids...finally. ALL week long it's been one thing after another, but today it's just the kids. We are staying home...I made them pancakes for breakfast...now they're playing and I'm cleaning. And that sounds heavenly to me today! Everyone kept telling me to just enjoy the kids when it's stressful, and I haven't been able to at all. But I have a huge sigh of relief today and I'm enjoying the peace. And yes, I have peace today, although I am with an almost 6 year old, 3 1/2 year old, and a 9 month old. I'm thankful I have that today! And I have to admit that the excitement of seeing George Strait helps a little bit, and I wouldn't want to go with anyone else but my date. Things are good. :) Have a good weekend!!!