Monday, March 31, 2008

Turtles and such

Happy Monday morning. Our weekend was good. It was busy as usual. We had a birthday party to go to for our friend's Eric and Roxanne's little boy, Jacob. He turned one! The kids had a good time.

Then there was church yesterday, which I am always thankful for. What would I do without church??? I'm always so glad to be there and be a part.

Yesterday afternoon the kids spent time with their dad. It had been the first time in 3, almost 4 weeks I guess since they had seen him or talked to him. He blames me, because I won't let him come to my house. I still believe I did the right thing, and don't doubt my decision AT ALL. Ya know, I always think about the things I choose to post about, because I believe they have to serve a purpose in order for me to say something about them. I DO NOT want to ever come across as a bitter, angry ex-wife. I'm not one, so why say things that don't really need to be said? I'm choosing to talk about this for the simple reason that I ask for prayers in this situation. I'm treading on new water here with knowing how to handle it, what to say, what not to say, and I do need spiritual guidance. I'm looking to God and surrendering all, because I don't know the first thing to do in trying to do it right...by myself anyways.

My ex-husband has decided to introduce the kids to his girlfriend. I say introduce, but he doesn't have to, because they already know her. Yes, for those who are close friends of mine...it would be THAT ONE. Now, I am not hurt at all by the situation. I got over that a long time ago. What I am sad for is my little girl. Yes, I'm sad for Kyle too...but right now, he's completely oblivious to everything that has happened and is happening. Madi on the other hand isn't so much. Yesterday was the first day that they spent time with the both of them. And he told her that they were getting married. He told me that a couple of weeks ago too. I am fine if that's what he wants to do. I have moved on too, so it's okay. But what I DO want is stability for my kids. I want a sense of normalcy for them, as much as I possibly can provide anyways. I think I do the best job I can at doing that, it's all these lovely other factors that come into play that mess me up sometimes.

They took Madi and Kyle shopping for her birthday (it's this Friday) and to lunch and then brought them home. Now, I fortunately was not a witness to any of this. I wasn't home. Sundays are my days off in the afternoons, so I was away. I'm really glad. I wondered how brave he was going to be...if he was going to bring her to my house. He did, but Ashley (my sitter) said she stayed in the car. She and I at one time were good friends, so I would say that she knows better than to come around me. I'm not like that. I'm not a fighter. Well, at one time I would have...oh boy, would I have. Fortunately...fortunately...fortunately...I was pregnant. That would have been a great episode for Jerry Springer, but here in the real world I just did the best I could to get past it. And I did a fine job, ALL BECAUSE OF GOD. Man, I owe him a lot for the beautiful power of grace and forgiveness. I have forgiven, but still I can't say we'll be going shopping together anytime soon. Like I said, I just don't want my kids hurt. I hate that I even have to have "those kinds" of conversations with my kids.

Overall from what I understand, I think things went well. He bought Madi tons of toys and then dropped them off, and I'm not sure when they'll see him again. You've heard this kind of scenario a 1,000 times. I guess what I'm mostly upset about is that they bought her a turtle. A LIVE turtle. I'm not a reptile person. I now have a large aquarium to put together, and an animal to keep alive. I already have three animals. Why would I need another? I would say I feel, but I KNOW this was a completely back handed move on his part to make my life harder. It doesn't shock me at all. It's completely typical of him. Normally I would call him and ask him how to do this and let him know how frustrated I am that he did that. Not this time...instead I will figure it out for the sake of my daughter.

I don't think that I'm perfect...at all. I have done plenty of things wrong. I struggle with my attitude in this situation constantly. I struggle DAILY, HOURLY to be a good parent. IT'S HARD. I don't think it comes natural at all for me. I really feel that my parenting skills are something I need to pray about more and make a focus on each and every day.

I don't really know how my kids are doing. I know people tell me how great they are, and how far they've come. I will agree there...they have improved drastically. There are still so many areas that I need strength in to help them be better little people. As I've had to learn myself to role with the punches, even when it's sad, I want them to learn that too. I can sit and have a pity party, or I can get up and move on...keep going...keep fighting...and persevere. Then there's times when I feel I need to just love more. Be more caring, more compassionate. I guess somewhere in there I need to find a balance. But really, don't all parents struggle with that? I know I'm not alone, just because I'm a single parent.

I say all of this to ask for prayers and I journey through all of this...it's a continual process that has given me a little bit of a curve ball, but as I want to teach them to keep going and re-direct; I have to as well. I know that there are so many people who love me and my kids and support us in numerous ways. I'm so thankful...so incredibly thankful, AND SO BLESSED.

In reference to my last post, I do know that God is working. Thanks to you all...those were some insightful comments! And through you, I learned a lot. I do believe God is working...really big right now. I FEEL it, and I can't wait to be able to share what I have experienced through it. Maybe even if I see a blessing through something so unconventional, like a turtle or something. Who knows...stranger things have happened.

9 Comments:

Blogger Cheri said...

I feel so behind!!! I've been clicking on your blog from mine, and it's kept coming up on your birthday blog. I just thought you were so tired after your 30th that you didn't have time or energy to post anything new. WRONG - something must have been wrong with my link. Because today - I find you've had a lot going on! Sorry I've missed it.
I know you will have another amazing story to tell about how God helped you through this. Though I do pray that soon you won't have quite so "amazing" stories to share. You know what I mean here, don't you? I love you and your children!

9:28 AM  
Blogger Procters said...

I admire you for your grace in this situation. God is doing amazing things in you.
I bet God would also smile a bit if you bought a snake for Kyle or Madi and sent it over to live at their father's house. Just a thought... :) I am praying for you and your precious children. Your doing good girl!

12:55 PM  
Blogger Jenni at talking hairdryer said...

I like the snake idea. . .but I love how you're dealing with all of this.

3:46 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I have two turtles... they are not so bad! And I applaud how you have handled all of this, God's grace is a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly~

4:46 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Wow- that is all a lot to take in. I can understand why you have been doing so much thinking. Larissa, I so don't understand so much of this which makes me even more in awe of how you handle things. Its all about the reaction isn't it?! Its so obvious that this is God working through you and guiding your thoughts and actions b/c no person would act this way on their own. In fact I am having some real mean thoughts myself right now! You really do let God have control over the devil and there are so many that are thankful for that, mainly your children! I am definately saying some prayers about this situation and the minute to minute and hour by hour process both with 'him' as well as parenting. I hear you big time on that. We can discuss more when I see you which hopefully will be soon!

7:36 PM  
Blogger Chrissy Cross said...

Life is a matter of perspective. Your perspective on your life is so admirable, it would be so easy for you to say "poor little me," and be consumed with self pity. But, you refuse to be dominated by that and instead use each situation as a chance to grow in grace. Thank God!! I love having you as an example to me on how to handle tough situations. And as far as Nathan goes, what goes around comes around, whether it is here or in eternity. I pray that he does some repenting, otherwise I would not want to be in his shoes.

10:12 PM  
Blogger suzanne said...

It's probably a good thing that I am now pregnant, because I would go and knock her out myself. Is that a christian attitude? Nope, not one bit, but I'll go repent in a few minutes. His new religion let's him do it, why shouldn't mine??? J/K Like Chrissy said, what goes around comes around. I'll just wait until I see her at the next LAR meeting so that I can congratulate her and ask to see her new ring!!!!!

11:38 PM  
Blogger Jenn Jenn said...

Wow. I concur with Lisa. When you get a free moment,email me: jenn.thornton@yahoo.com.

11:59 AM  
Blogger ♥Tisha♥ said...

You are amazing! :) Hope you've had a great week!

10:07 PM  

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