I love Sundays. I love church and so that would be my first reason why I love this day. Church was really good today too. So was class. I didn't go to my normal class. I went the "general" class and...well, loved it. My second reason for loving this day is because for over a year now my day for free time has always been on Sunday nights. So of course I love that. Not sure of my plans this evening...first I will go the hospital to see SuzAnne and then I'm not sure what I'll do.

I found out Friday evening that I have to go to Dallas tomorrow. I managed to get child care arranged and I'll fly out in the morning and then be back tomorrow night. I think I'll actually be there for like 4 hours. It almost seems pointless, but oh well. Tuesday and Wednesday are going to be really busy too. So what started out as a week that I didn't think would have a whole lot going on, has changed very quickly. Isn't it always that way?

I do have a prayer request. On Wednesday I'm doing something important. Of course in my mind, I think it would just be perfect, but I know that it's the Lord's plan that always prevails. I'm trying really hard to just let God unfold His plan for my life, and some days that's a lot easier than others. In fact some days, that is is excruciating! So I ask for peace that whatever happens or doesn't happen, I will be okay with and understand that God is in control!

Not much else is going on...just waiting for Miss Sydney to get better so that she will be able to come home soon after SuzAnne does. Hope you all have a good week!

Sydney is here!

Sydney Ann is here! She weighed 8 pounds and 2 ounces and is 23 inches long! A rather long little girl I will say! SuzAnne did end up having a C-section, because Sydney decided that she didn't want to turn back around, but they both did great. I don't want to give too many details, because it's her birth story, not mine...but I wanted to let you all know how things were.

Sydney is in NICU, but she is okay. We will know more tonight and tomorrow. Right now it's nothing to worry about, just for precautionary reasons. I was up there earlier, and went down to see her. It brought back the biggest flood of memories for me, and I have to say I'm a little weepy, because of it. I saw so many of the same nurses that were there almost a year ago when Mason was in NICU. I look back and am like, man how did I make it through all that alone!? That just goes to show you how Christ can really just carry you through anything, and He truly did! I'm so amazed by that very thing even more now! It's funny how you forget and then all of a sudden you're taken back to that emotional place again and you just feel it all over. Wow! God is great I do have to say! I have come so far...SO far.

Anyways...I can't wait to actually touch and hold my niece...my first niece!!! I'll keep you all updated.

The Joys of Motherhood...

Tonight was Kyle and Mason's program at school. We stayed so that we could see them both perform, it was at the point that Mason coughed so hard that he passed gas that we left. Madi could not stop laughing at this hysterical moment. I can't say that I blame her much, that sounds like something I would have laughed hysterically at too, before I grew up into the mature woman that I am now. :) Yes, believe it or not, I am quite the well mannered girl...now.

On the way to the program Mason coughed so hard again that he puked up his dinner. Nice...so he was the smelly kid in the program...sticky too.

Yesterday I was in my room and I hear this crash in the kitchen and a voice from Kyle, "uh Mom, I just spilled my chocolate milk on the floor." Good thing I hadn't mopped. I've just decided not to mop for like 10 more years. Why? They're just going to keep spilling things. The same day we get in the car and Kyle looks at me and says again with his sweet little voice and massive baby blues, "uhhhh Mom, I just dumped my orange juice in your purse." Nice...this is why I don't have anything nice. Why would I? Maybe when I'm 40...maybe.

I just take it all in stride...they are all such a mess, but I oh how I love them and wouldn't trade any of them. I wouldn't mind a little more free time, but oh well...maybe someday.

If you're interested...

Go here if you want to read something interesting. I think it's exactly what I'm talking about and/or feeling. I had to read it about 10,000 times and by the 9,999 time I finally got it. In fact, read his whole blog...some very interesting insight. A different situation than mine, but still makes you go hmmmm... The post I am talking about in particular is called "The Two Joys"...I may post later.

Keepin' it real

Okay, so Jenni awarded me with a zooktastic award. You can click on her link to read about it. She nominated me, because she believes that in my blogging I make an effort to keep it real.

Hmmm...keepin' it real. I tell ya, I'm not feeling so zooktastic these days. I've been feeling pretty craptastic honestly. And it's my own fault...that's the frustrating part. Does anyone else besides me get frustrated with themselves on how they've handled a situation, especially when you know better? And yet, you STILL keep doing it? Please tell me I'm not the only glutton for punishment out there?

I have a song on my playlist called "Too Tender" by Caedmon's Call. That is my absolute favorite song of theirs. Not only is the music absolutely beautiful, but the words to me are very simple, yet powerful.

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Too Tender

Water water everywhere

And I complain about my thirst

The prescription's in my hand

While the pain I curse

I know the longer

I know the harder

The walk will be

With my calloused feet

And my too tender knees

Stumbled upon the truth

Wished it'd get out of my way

When I see the light

I pull down the shade

If I were as smart as Christopher

I'd find a closet

If I were as weak as Samson was

I'd make a prophet

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I've felt lately that God is just sitting beside me waiting, not really saying anything. He doesn't have to, because I know exactly what He's thinking and He knows that too. He knows that I know better, and I don't feel that He's looking down on me. I feel that He is compassionately just waiting for me to let go, so that He may show me exactly what He has in store for me. As I've learned so many times that when bold decisions are made, bold action follows.

A friend of mine who is a marriage and family therapist told me a couple of weeks ago a story about how they capture monkeys in foreign countries. They put a coconut filled with rice with a hole small enough for the monkeys to fit their hands into it out for the monkeys. Once they stick their hands into it they grab the rice, but aren't smart enough to know that they can't get their hands out without letting go of the rice. So they are captured and killed and they never got to enjoy the rice anyways. What a shame, and that's what we do as humans sometimes. It's a trap!

It reminds me of the story of the Israelites and how they came to the Red Sea and had no clue how God was going to part it.

"As Pharoah approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord, and they said to Moses, "Why did you bring us here to die in the wilderness? Weren't there enough graves for us in Egypt? What have you done to us? Why did you make us leave Egypt? Didn't we tell you this would happen while were still in Egypt? We said, 'leave us alone! Let us be slaves to the Egyptians. It's better to be a slave in Egypt than a corpse in the wilderness!'

But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid." Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.'" Exodus 14:10-14

I can't imagine how scary that was. I mean a huge body of water...that's pretty intimidating. Their thought process is what gets me. They looked at it like they would rather be captive than be dead. They couldn't see far enough in front of them to know that God had a bigger plan and purpose for them. And that's what we do, or I do a lot. It can be so easy to trade one captivity for another, and I don't have to. But that's the way I choose to live sometimes, when I could just let it go and know that God has a bigger plan and purpose for me! I shouldn't try to change it myself, or control it...but KNOW that God has a plan. And it's all a choice...good or bad. Sometimes it's hard to make good choices, but I don't want to chose to be captive. I've tasted the freedom and it's soooooo good. There is nothing like it and I don't ever want to go back to anything that keeps me from my true purpose in Christ.

Yesterday I was talking to SuzAnne and we were talking about some things going on with me and how I was feeling and here is how she responded, "Well that's pretty presumptious and unfaithful of you, don't you think?" Ouch...big kick in the shins from the big sister,but she was sooo right. Hello...I may have faith, but faith in what? You can have all the faith in the world and be putting it in the wrong thing.

Soooooo, in an effort to keep it real...I am going to be in prayer a lot. I am going to be doing some rebuilding and redirection. Just because we come through fire doesn't mean we don't occasionally slip and fall...or jump straight in with both feet. I'm so glad that I'm given second, third, and fourth chances...I will keep trying!

"I waited patiently for the Lord

He turned to me and heard my cry

He lifted me out of the slimy pit

He set my feet on a rock

He put a new song in my mouth."

Psalm 40

Good thoughts!!!

This was in an email from the Pastor at Trinity Church. I thought it was really good.

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As I was thinking about Pope Benedict XVI being in the United States , it reminded me of what former Pope John XXIII said, “Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.” –Pope John XXIII

Potential is released in each of our lives by three things:
The knowledge you acquire
The character you develop
The principals you live by

Knowledge: “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.”
Hosea 4:6
Character: “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’"
1 Corinthians 15:33
Principals (Standards): “Live by my standards, and obey my rules.
You will have life through them. I am the Lord.”
Leviticus 18:5

Begin to live up to your full potential in Christ!

A bit of houscleaning...

It's been really busy around here. I feel like I've been running about 1,000 different directions. I'm not sure I'm getting it all done. I know I've forgotten a few things...like Madi's school program. I know they had been sending notes home, but it went right over my head! I figured it out yesterday afternoon that it was tonight. Oh well...we made it and she did great! She is such a performer. And I noticed during the program she was surrounded on the risers by all boys. It's the same way in her classroom. She usually always has to sit at the table with all boys. She doesn't get along as well with the girls. She is soooo her aunt's niece. (both of them!)

Kyle and Mason's program is next week. I can't wait for that. Mason's class has to wear their swimsuits...it's going to be sooooo cute. And then we have the baby dedication ceremony at church this Sunday. There have been 26 babies and all their parents that have RSVP'd to attend it. Holy cow...that's going to be a lot of us up there! I'm a little nervous about it for obvious reasons. And if it's not obvious...that would be because I'm a single mom. I don't worry about people looking at me, it's the just the emotional aspect. My mom is going to stand up there with me though. That will make it better for me. I will be fine...I'm looking at it as a celebration of the last phenomenal year of our life that we have made it through. Little man will be 1 year old in May!!! You better believe there will be a BIG ole' celebration for that birthday! I'm already planning it now, and you're all invited!

Things are good...they have been tough lately, but God has a plan. I've had a lot on my mind at times and not really been in a place to share. Honestly, not knowing how to share. Things are a little different now, and I'm feeling better...rejuvenated and hopeful.

I do have a prayer request...I don't want to be specific right now...but there is something that I am asking for and God is very aware of what it is. An opportunity of sorts has opened up that I really would like to pursue for many different reasons. Of course in my mind I think it would be absolutely wonderful...I'm just asking for patience and guidance and enough wisdom to know that if it's part of God's plan than it will come to be. If it's not, then there is something even greater out there for me.

Everything else is good...baby Sydney will be here next Friday if not sooner! I'm sooooo ready to have a little niece! I've never had one and I want to hold a baby really bad...and then give her back to her momma! :)

I hope you all have a good week and I will get around to posting the few things that I've been tagged on and the award. Thanks guys! :)

Now on to the real housecleaning...oh, I need a MAID!!!

Tag

Changed...never to be the same.

The Rules:
1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you want.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4. Tag at least five more blogs with links.
5. Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play

My friend Susan tagged me. Her meme says, "She loved the word of God." I had to really think about this one! And I don't know it says on the bottom of the picture, but I think the picture alone says enough! I tag Lisa, Jennifer B, Jenni K, Traci, and Cheri. Hope y'all will play along! :)

Transitions...

"I saw a friend who's a freelance writer and asked him what he was working on. 'Nothing right now,' he answered. 'You know how it is for freelancers. But at times like this I tell myself I'm 'between opportunities.' That way I don't have to feel I'm nowhere.'



There's often a tendency for us to hurry though transitions. We may feel that these transitions are "nowhere at all" compared to what's gone on or what we anticipate is next to come. But you are somewhere...you're 'between'"



(Please excuse my pathetic attempt to quote with in a quote...I don't know how to correctly do it.)



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"Transitions are almost always signs of growth, but they can bring feelings of loss. To get somewhere new, we may have to leave somewhere else behind."



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"Sometimes it surprises me to think that my work on that first children's program was almost by chance! Isn't it mysterious how so many wonderful things in life come to us seemingly without our planning? We start traveling down one street, and we find ourselves interested in something we never expected on a side street; and as we explore it, the side street becomes the main road for us."



All of the above is from Mister Rogers. I think he rocks.


Can you tell I've been reading a lot??? Man, I've just been soaking up lots of different things. I identify with all of this. I do feel in transition between a lot of things right now...physically, mentally, spiritually (most of all), and I also have to admit I'm hurting a little because of it. Normally, I would see that as bad. Why does transition have to hurt? I don't really have an answer, I am however choosing to look at it this way: transition is growth, and growth is from God. In light of that, I'm trying my hardest to take all that I feel (good and bad) and look at it on a spiritual level and know that God is doing something with it. I don't know what, and I have to get it through my stubborn human head, that I don't have to know. I do however, have to have faith to believe that He is taking my history somewhere. That path may be unconventional...in fact I'm pretty sure it is, and therefore I wouldn't understand if it was revealed to me anyways, but I'm going somewhere. I NEED TO TAKE REST IN THAT. I NEED to live by what I know, and NOT by what I feel.

DEFINITELY a work in progress...

On another note...my MIL's surgery went well. Things look really good. And my friend...God is working and things look like they might turn out differently that originally thought. I kind of thought so, honestly. There are those marriages that face divorce and shouldn't. I don't believe in divorce, but there are some marriages that are doomed from the start (like mine) and there are those that things just need to be worked on and worked out. I think any and every marriage could fall into those two categories. That's why I was so shocked when I heard the news! I'm happy for them, and at first was a little sad for myself. Why couldn't mine have turned out differently? And ya know, with complete and total honesty, God has a better plan for me and I know it. I don't know that plan, that plan may or may not include marriage someday. I'm actually not even talking about marriage when I'm talking about a God ordained "plan". I'm talking about something bigger than that...the bigger picture. I have a REALLY big dream in my heart for a lot of things. I think it's time I started focusing on that. God didn't bring me here "just because", He intended much more than that for me...you too.

Words to say...

I had a really good day today. A really good spiritual day and despite what I'm about to say, I'm still am having a good spiritual day.

I got some news today that I'm just torn up about. I got an email from a friend today at about 2 p.m. and I haven't been the same. This friend is starting the journey that I did over a year ago. We talked on the phone for a while and I knew her story all too well. She has small children too. I'm just sick about it. I'm in complete and total shock. I'm hurting for her, because I know how broken up she is. I know how confused and lost she is. I kind of relived my experience just listening to her. I'm really just speechless about it.

Again, it's a situation I don't understand. And because I don't really have anything to say but that I don't understand, but God does, I want to write a passage from Beth Moore's book, "Get Out Of That Pit". I read this book last year and through this book found a peace that only God can provide. (It's kind of long...but it's good)

And by the way, friend...this book is on it's way to you. I love you.

"Somewhere along the way, Joseph decided not only to look up also to point up. His decision to view God as entirely sovereign and ultimately responsible was not the death of him. It was the life of him. Why? Because he knew God could only be good and do right. The words Joseph spoke over his guilty brothers have been medicine to many sick souls were willing to swallow them whole: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish that what is now being done, the saving of many lives" (Genesis 50:20)

Take a good look at the word intended. It comes from the same Hebrew word translated "think" in Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope". God thinks of His children continually. And when God thinks of His children, He only thinks in terms of what can be used toward our good, toward His plan for us, and toward the future. His intentions can only be pure. Right. Full of hope. Promoting peace. Listen carefully. God did not haphazardly or accidentally let Joseph's brothers throw him in the pit. He had already thought it out in advance. Considered it. Weighed it. Checked it against the plumb line of the plan. He had looked at the good it could ultimately accomplish, the lives that could be helped and even saved. Then and only then, in His sovereign purpose He did permit such harm to come to His beloved child. Had the incident not possessed glorious purpose, God would have disarmed it."

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I'm always a little careful when trying to comfort someone. I know that not everyone sees things the way I do...and further more, I'm not an expert on pain or suffering. I just know what I've experienced and what I've learned from it. What I am an expert on is knowing that no matter what God's plan will prevail.

This is what I've decided about trying to understand pain: This world will never provide understanding. It can't, because it's broken. Maybe someday I will get that through my head, but probably because I'm human, I will still keep searching for some sort of understanding.
I truly believe the above passage though...and we all know what happened to Joseph and how his story ended too...divine purpose. If there is no divine purpose, then there is no point, and if there is no point, then there is no life. And we all know there is a life...Christ's life...eternal life.

Say a prayer for my friend and her family. They all need to covered in prayer. Say a prayer for my mother in law too. She won't be able to come down for Madi's party after all, because she is going to have to have emergency surgery to remove a cyst that is on her spine. They think it is benign, but still prayers for the whole situation are needed. Thank You!

I needed this...

The following was written by Dr. Charles Swindoll. It's called "People Panic...God Provides"

Please read it all the way to the bottom...I think it's amazing!!!

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Read 1 Samuel 15:1--19
The tragic story of King Saul is that he never, ever fully repented of his sin. Saul's greatest concern was his image, how he looked before the people. Even after Samuel gave him a break, Saul took advantage of it and continued in that same vein until the day he took his own life. How sad is that?

Samuel has reached the end of his rope. The people elected Saul king, but he's no longer qualified. What are they to do? Israel is surrounded by enemies, and they need someone to carry the scepter. But who? Samuel didn't know and couldn't imagine. The people didn't know and had no suggestions. No one knew . . . except God.

What Samuel didn't realize---what we often don't realize---is that behind the scenes, before He ever flung the stars into space, God had today in mind. He had this very week in mind. In fact, He had you in mind. And He knew exactly what He was going to do. God is never at a loss to know what He's going to do in our situations. He knows perfectly well what is best for us. Our problem is, we don't know. And we say to Him, "Lord, if You just tell me, then I'll be in great shape. Just reveal it to me. Explain Your plan to me, and I'll count on You." But that's not faith. Faith is counting on Him when we do not know what tomorrow holds.

When a man or a woman of God fails, nothing of God fails. When a man or woman of God changes, nothing of God changes. When someone dies, nothing of God dies. When our lives are altered by the unexpected, nothing of God is altered or unexpected. It was the prophet Isaiah who wrote: "Before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear" (Isaiah 65:24).

"Before you even utter a word," God promises, "I'm involved in answering. In fact, while you're speaking, I'm involved in bringing to pass the very thing I have planned from the get go."
God knows exactly what He's going to do, and nothing can restrain His bringing it to pass.

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Oh my goodness...I needed this today sooooo bad. I always get these daily emails (that I never open) from Insight for Living, which is associated with Dr. Swindoll. This morning, my negative self, (an attitude I have been struggling with for a couple of weeks now off and on) decided to open this one. I'm so glad I did. I was actually sitting at the computer talking to myself saying, "Oh dear Lord, I need some good insight." It gave me some PEP to remember what I already know and have learned during my "dark time" (Which would be what I refer to as the time of going through my divorce)

I admit that I have not been my Positive Polly self lately. I have been very aware of that, and frustrated with myself because of it. I don't cut myself much slack, not in the attitude department anyways. I may and may not be a lot of things, but I have learned full well how far a good attitude can bring you. I have just felt like I've been in a spiritual fog of sorts. I even left church frustrated on Sunday. I got to class to hear our class leader be really open and honest with us about how long she probably had left to live. On top of that she just found out her Dad has cancer too and has 6 months to live. Rick and Robin were the one's who took our group to Ruidoso in November and I have just looked up to her so much as a once single mom and now remarried. They have two kids ages 9 and 11. That makes me sad, and I don't understand that.

Then I went into worship and mistakenly sat next to a man with body odor. Again...frustrated and most of all...DISTRACTED. Then Barry wasn't preaching. A professor from A.C.U. was and bless his heart his message was good, but I couldn't tell you what he said. Once again, DISTRACTED. I have been spiritually distracted for a while...well, not just spiritually...in every way distracted. I've been asking myself, "what's wrong with you Larissa??? Where's the optimism?" I still haven't figured out what my deal has been, but this just gave me a BIG reminder of who God really is and why it's important for me to remember, THAT HE IS IN CONTROL. All the things I worry about...TAKEN CARE OF...the tears I have shed...HEARD...the things that make me angry...LISTENED TO...the heart of mine that still breaks...MENDED...my faith that wavers...RESTORED AND REDEEMED.

Now tell me why I doubt??? I don't know...I don't know, because I know all of the above is true and the lies that satan so desperately wants to distract me with are worth nothing, but misery and pain. God has changed my heart too much to go back to a place where I feel captive to anything satan has to offer. I'm telling you that little snake is relentless!!! If he can't try and get you one way, he will try another!

I've been thinking a lot about God's discernment. By the way, I love that word. I have to be wise enough to know when God is speaking to me. And furthermore, I have to obey. It's not always fun. Sometimes, it hurts, but what hurts worse? Not listening and doing what I want selfishly, and then ultimately being hurt even worse in the end? I need to listen and obey, KNOWING that God has a better plan. No, I don't see the outcome and boy I wish I could. That has been part of my bad attitude lately. I just wish that God would give me a glimpse to suffice the desires I have, and He's not...at all. He instead is making me stretch my faith to know that although I can't see a thing, I can only see Him and know that He is in control. Blah...I want to throw a tantrum, but that won't do anyone any good. I have to pick myself up and understand that there is a better plan, a perfect plan, but I have to be patient enough to wait for it.

So this is me...working on my attitude...a continual work in progress.

6 years ago...

I was fat, unhappy and praying that I would go into labor at any given time. I was only 1 day passed my due date, but that 1 day was 1 day too many for me. I was soooo sick with her. I was still puking off and on even in the last week of pregnancy. I would do alright for a while, and then for any given reason, I would lose it again. One of my favorite stories is the time when I was waiting for Nathan to get off work we were going to go have dinner. I was hungry while I was at the house, so I was eating a bag of potato chips. What I didn't realize was that the bag of potato chips was sitting at the end of the coffee table being filled with dripping wax from a candle that I knocked over and was too lazy to pick up. I kept thinking, "why do these chips taste like potpourri?" As soon as I saw the candle I put it all together and got sick at my stomach. The rest is history.

Then there was the growing growth on my face that I had to have removed. It has a technical name in which I can't pronounce, but here I am 4 stitches later. That was traumatic!!! They told me it would go away after she was born. Well I wasn't about to walk around with this thing that would bleed profusely if touched. It was so disgusting. I almost hyperventilated having it removed. I had to walk around the dermatologists office for a little bit just to get the strength to get it done.

I could tell you more throw up stories...I won't. I'm just kind of going down memory lane here. I just can't believe my baby girl will be 6 years old tomorrow!!! It just doesn't even seem possible. She is one amazing girl, and I just know that she is going to grow up to be something spectacular. God has blessed her in so many ways, and in turn blessed me. I'm going to go to school tomorrow to have lunch with her, and then we'll be together as a family tomorrow night. Next weekend is when her party is. She doesn't know it, but her grandma from Nebraska is coming down to surprise her. I will post some pics tomorrow of my birthday girl...Happy Birthday Madelyn Grace!!!