Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Madi was a witch...the pretty kind. She prefers to think of herself as the the "Glenda" kind of witch. Kyle was Shrek. His costume was a 3T-4T which should have been plenty big. Well it was about 3 inches too short. So I had to cut out the bottom of the feet. Oh well it worked and he loved it!

Mason was a chili pepper. Yes, he was hot, hot, hot! :)

My weird little sister. She was a fairy. Have I mentioned before that she's 20?

Ryder was a skunk. He was so cute. He is with his girlfriend Elise, who was a hot dog.

We had a lot of fun. We went to a few houses of friends that we have and then went to Monterey to their "trunk or treat." By that time, we were all give out. It has been a fun day! Now I think I'm going to go pass out. I'm so tired!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Happy Halloween

The fam pic...well it was a good attempt to get them all looking at the camera. Maybe tomorrow we'll have a successful go at it! We hope you all have a fun Halloween!!!

Friday, October 26, 2007


This has been a great week. I don't think I've ever been so full of peace, understanding, love, joy, forgiveness, you name it...maybe in my life. I think God is just really giving me the opportunity to be able to see his work and blessings through this whole journey I've been on for almost a year now.

I wish I could write what was in my heart, but I just don't think it can come across quite the way I feel. I really am just in awe. I could sit and stare for days I think. It sure makes up for the pure torture I was feeling back in the winter. And that gives me more proof that God does make everything beautiful in time...and not just for me. I have to remember that I'm not the only one affected by this. Yes, it did "happen" to me, but God is doing a lot of things for everyone who has been hurt by this situation. Even the people who I feel a lot of times have deserved to be punished.

Today I had lunch with an old friend. This friend had really hurt me and betrayed me in a way that I thought was just as bad as what Nathan did. I had prayed about this situation for months and months. We kept running into each other, and I didn't think that it was by chance that this kept happening. I think God had been talking to me for sometime, I just didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I could do it. So really, He did it for me. And the peace I received by this meeting, was beyond belief. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about life, and SO much about the amazing power of healing. I feel as though I was able to close one of the last couple of doors of this whole process and get closure in an area that I really wanted some closure.

There are just a few more "firsts", and then really in a way I just feel like I will just have all the closure I need. Next Saturday is my anniversary. It would be six years that we were married. It gets a little strange, because I will actually be in Ruidoso next Saturday. Well that is where we went on our honeymoon. So I will be there precisely 6 years later. I didn't plan that at all by the way. It just happened. I'm actually going with the single parents class at Monterey. I was going to go with the ladies from Slaton, but that weekend they were going isn't going to work for me. I am really looking forward to it! And I don't think it will bother me. I really hope it doesn't. Besides what else would I do, sit in Lubbock and mope? That sounds thrilling! No, I'm going to have fun. And fun is what I will have.

Then I should just have about 2 more weeks and this should be looking pretty final. I'm so thankful for my second chance. I'm thankful for being able to visibly see God working. I'm thankful for my smile that is truly genuine. And oddly enough I'm thankful for the days that it was hard to find a smile, because it's those days that make me so grateful for this day.

I'm closing a lot of doors, but God is just beginning to open them for me. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GREAT IT IS TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT AND TRULY BELIEVE IT!!! Like I said, I wish I could convey truly what was in my heart, because my words just don't do it. But today is a GREAT day! One of the best.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A bunch of random stuff...

I think the fog is lifting at our home and we're all getting better. I went to the doctor on Monday. I am feeling better. The elephant that was sitting on my chest has now left and returned to the circus, and I'm thankful. It was getting a little crowded around here.

Mason went to the doctor today. He has an ear infection. He's doing better though. His stomach kind of hurts and I just figured out why. Kyle and Mason are both on antibiotics, and Kyle takes his three times a day, and Mason takes his twice a day. Big oops!!! I gave Mason an extra dose. I feel horrible, especially in light of everything going on about kids and medicine. A pharmacist told me about a month ago that it is very hard to overdose a child on the antibiotic they're on. I feel better, I guess!!!! :( Poor guy, but he's sawing logs now, so it looks like he feels better.

I added music in case you didn't notice. (Thanks for the directions Lauren!) I have a very eclectic music style. So if some of it's a little weird for you, just turn your speakers down. Which I just made a huge discovery about my speakers. If you turn them on, the music comes out. Yes, a very huge discovery. It's amazing how things like that work when used properly.

Ohhhhhhh...I'm official!!!!!!!!!!!! I checked the state's website today, and my loan officer's license was issued today. I don't actually have it in my hands yet, but it's on its way. I'm so pumped!!! Now the hard part is here where I have to get out of comfort zone and get business. I thought about this today though. Okay, I used to work at Coldwell Banker, I work in GMAC- Greg Garrett's office. I play bunco with John Walton's daughter in law, who owns Century 21, and one of my old LCU professors who really liked me, and I really liked her, is the manager for Keller Williams. Hello...I can do this! I know way too many people to not to be able to do this. And if fear is my motivation for not wanting to do it, THEN I HAVE TO DO IT. I can't let fear stop me. I actually have my first "closing" next Friday. It would be my loan if I had already had my license when it got started.

I got one other thing this week too. An apology. I never expected that. It doesn't change anything, but it was nice to hear. It kind of makes the whole forgiveness thing easier.

Well that's all...hope you're all having a good week!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Round Three

Well now all three have been/are sick. But we're all alive, and I'm doing quite well actually. Madi started with fever on Friday night. But that's all she's had is fever. No other symptoms of anything. I've read a few things that say that having a fever can be completely normal and just the bodies way of fighting off sickness. So it can be good. For Madi I think that rings true. She's done this before, and then after 2 days she's done.

Mason's fever started this evening. He doesn't really have any other symptoms either. But like I've said before, it's so hard to tell with him, because of the way he breathes. It's hard to tell if he's wheezing because he can't breathe, or if he's wheezing because of his larynx. I don't mess around with him though. He's sleeping now, but if he even looks like there are any signs of problems, I will be well on my way to the E.R. If not, then we'll go to the doc tomorrow. My little sister is spending the night tonight with me though, so I will have someone here so I don't have to tote all the kids. That would be horrible!

Kyle is doing great. And really truly I'm feeling a lot better. I wish I could get rid of this cough, but other than that, my spirits have just really been lifted. That book I'm reading by John Elderedge...WONDERFUL!!!! Nothing short of AMAZING!!! Anyone who is breathing and is alive needs to read this book!!!!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Time to Simplify

Thanks for all the encouragement. I know I'm just going through a rough time. It will come to an end at some point. The sickness anyways. The other stuff, well I'm afraid that as much as I wish there was a quick fix to my life and all the busyness, there is probably not much that can be done about that. But you know everyday I read something encouraging that someone writes. Whether it is a comment, or another blog I've read, or an email or phone call I get. There is always someone or something that encourages me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And so I do. I think I go through particularly hard times that I really feel like I am being battled over. satan must really want me bad, because he is constantly at me. Fortunately God wants me more.

I am doing what I can to simplify my life. Get rid of the things that I can control, like all the clutter. I sware my house is like a vortex that is part of a black hole that is just east of the Bermuda Triangle. A little dramatic maybe, but I am so tired of losing stuff. I started that book that I just bought, and lost it three days ago. Well I finally uncovered it this morning. I also found Madi's backpack that I was looking for today. Now if I can just find my sunglasses. All I heard was this crash and Kyle say, "uh, mom I broke your sunglasses." But the evidence is no where to be found. I managed to hold onto these for a month. But I really liked them. They were a gas station bargain and stylish all at the same time. Which you don't find really often.

So anyways, I'm on to do more simplification. Less is more! Have a good weekend!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Because I want to remember...

Our wait in the doc's office today was an hour. So I'm sitting there with Kyle, who has fever, but was a trooper through it all. He talked the entire hour we sat there. I'm not kidding. I think maybe there was a minute when his mouth wasn't moving. Both him and Madi talk incessantly. I don't know where it came from, because I don't talk that much. That might suprise you, because I blog a lot. I only blog a lot, because I don't talk that much. Anyways, so were in the waiting room and he just starts singing.

Kyle: "1,2,3 Like a bird I see. Mom is that the way it goes?"
Me: "Yes."
Kyle: "1,2,3 Like a bird I see. Mom is that the way it goes?"
Me: "I said yes."
Kyle: "1,2,3 Like a bird I see. Mom is that the way it goes?"
Me: "Honey, I said yes."
Kyle: "1,2,3 Like a bird I see. Mom is that the way it goes?"
I didn't answer him this time. I just looked at him and told him not ask me again.

I also love when he sings, "look how far we've come" You know that Matchbox 20 song. He only knows that one line, but he sings it over and over. And you can tell exactly what he's singing. It's hilarious.

By the way, he's okay. He's just got an ear infection and upper respiratory infection. He's had it since Monday, but it hasn't gotten any better. They gave him some different medicine today, so hopefully he get better soon!


Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in the mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5

I use this verse again, as it is something I am really drilling in my head right now. It is so hard to understand things sometimes. And I don't just say this just in dealing with the day in and day of my situation. I think we can all agree to that, right? It can be so easy to look around the world and see so much sadness. There are so many people that are sick, we have all lost loved ones...the list can go on forever about the sadness of this world. And I can't explain one bit of it. I once had a friend who was doubting God's existence, because what kind of loving God would allow death, disease, and destruction to happen. I didn't really know what to tell him. I mean, I don't know why any of these things happen, but I do believe whole heartedly that God is in control OF EVERYTHING. And my human heart can't and won't ever understand why He does the things he does. Or why he allows the things to happen that happen. But ya know I think that Job, David, Moses, name whoever you want from the Bible, I think that they went through the same things and they wondered to. Their hearts weren't any different from mine or yours. They had faith that God was in control, but we know that they all went through times of not understanding. Well I'm willing to bet that they understand everything perfectly now. And honestly by the time we all get to heaven, it probably won't even matter anymore. Who really knows? Heaven is yet another thing that my human mind has a very difficult time wrapping itself around. Sure it will be wonderful and perfect and I can't wait to be there, but after dealing with life on earth, it's so foreign to think of anything different. At the same time during trials it is so refreshing!!!

This has been a really long week. A week of pure exhaustion for me. Kyle has been sick, we've been to the doctor twice this week for him. And either Mason is getting sick, or he is just really excited for Christmas. His nose is lit up like Rudolph, but he doesn't have fever. Hmmm...I don't know about that one. If it continues to be that way through the morning, we will probably be going to the doctor tomorrow. I also had my first appointment today with Madi's school counselor. I was the one who made the appointment, but it was only after many "chats" with Madi's teacher. I personally am trying really hard to get over an ongoing cold/cough that I've had for over a month now. I don't say all this to complain. In the grand scheme of things, life is very good. There are just a few speed bumps in the road right now. And my life isn't different that any one else's. I mean, we all have our days and our issues.

I do mention all of this because I have found myself angry this week. And I don't have to say why. I'm sure it's pretty obvious. And I was just thinking how I don't understand all this, and how I just can't keep going on just surviving. I want to thrive!!! Oh how I'm ready for the day to look back and say, "man that was a really hard time in my life" and then be so thankful for my new season in life. I don't know when that time will come, and sometimes I wonder if I'm asking too much. I mean, should it not just be enough to know that someday I will be in heaven and it will be different? Am I expecting too much from this broken world? The jury is still out on that for me.

I was talking to my mom today and she was telling me about the date that my mom and dad were going to go on tonight. I've never told this before but back in April my mom and dad almost called it quits after celebrating 36 years of marriage. I just couldn't even talk about it when it happened. They were just going through a really hard time and had been for some time. They started going to counseling and I am just so incredibly proud of the changes that they have both made as individuals and as a couple. My parents "date" now and they got to know each other all over again. It makes me so happy, because they are so happy. My dad also resigned from preaching in April too after 27 years of being in ministry. Their lives are completely different now, but in a very positive way.

So when my mom was telling me about this date, I found myself being so jealous. Not because I wanted to go on a date, but because I can see the absolute genuine happiness that they both have for each other, and for this happy season of life that they are in. But I am also reminded that they didn't get there overnight. They are where they are because they went through fire to get there. That is life!!!

There isn't a person in this world who hasn't had a bad day, or a bad season. And although they may not ever understand that time in their life, it served a purpose. And chances are not just a purpose for their life. I'm sure it had great effect on other people as well.

So today as I was driving to the doctor and I was overwhelmed, I found myself saying, "just do it...just get mad at God. You know you want to, because He has allowed all this to happen". Now I'm smarter than satan would like me to be, because I know he is the one who wants me to get mad at God. And honestly there are times when I do want answers, and I do want God to tell me now! Like a two year old, I want to lay on the floor and throw a fit. But seriously what good would that do anyways? Is God going to change his mind and "poof" my life is fixed. Probably not. However, I do know that it would give satan an extreme amount of satisfaction for me to just curse God.

As restless and tired as I may be, I have to keep going. I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have to keep believing. I don't really see myself as the eternal optimist, but as being eternally hopeful and faithful. And to me there's a difference. Anyone can be positive, but not everyone can be faithful and hopeful. That is so much harder. And what will that do for me? Well I know for sure I will be in heaven someday. What will that do for me now? I don't really know. It will get me through this day for sure, but I don't know about the future. I really don't. I sure have some hopes and dreams for my kids and I, but honestly I have no clue. But I keep reading that scripture, and I keep reminding myself that I CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE ACTIVITY OF GOD, and because of that I need to keep doing what I am doing and persevere. And remember too, that He does make everything beautiful in it's time! (Ecclesiastes 3:11) And because of that, whether it be today, tomorrow or in eternity it does have purpose and it will be beautiful.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

For Your Entertainment

(95) Death of a child
(93) Divorce
(90) Death of a spouse
(80) Death of a parent
(80) Spouse's or partner's betrayal of trust
(80) New marriage
(75) Job change after the age of 45
(70) Conflict between you and your spouse
(70) Conflict with the boss where the job is threatened
(65) Significant negative medical diagnosis
(55) Change of home location
(50) Retirement
(50) Conflict between you and your teenager
(50) Conflict between you and a parent
(40) 40th, 50th, 60th, 75th, or 80th birthdays
(35) Significant traumatic injury (include heart attack if appropriate)
(35) Having to commit parent to assisted-care home or facility
(30) Job change
(30) Marriage of daughter
(25) Chronic pain condition
(25) Best friend's betrayal of trust
(25) Last child leaving home
(20) Purchase of a new care or house
(20) Big family celebration or get together
(10) Over-demanding job responsibilities

You've probably seen these tests before. It's a stress scale. The number in the parentheses indicates the average intensity of stress on a scale from 10 (low stress) to 95 (paralyzing stress). For the stressors you checked, add up the corresponding numbers.

If your score is between 0 and 30, you are under very little stress at present and very likely have good physical and mental health. If your score is between 35 to 65, the stress in your life may begin to undermine your weight loss efforts and harm your overall health. (I got this from Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight loss solution...that's why is mentions weight if your wondering.)

A score about 65 indicates that you are undergoing significant stress, and this may initiate bouts of overeating as well as disease causing changes in your biochemistry. You need support and must work toward acquiring very specific tools of stress management.

Guess what my score was???????


I laughed really hard when I read that last paragraph about a score of 65 indicating that "you are undergoing significant stress"....ya think? HA HA!

I just found that rather entertaining. Maybe you will too.

Sunday, October 14, 2007


Okay so I've been thinking again...I think a lot, don't I??? I've been thinking about this for a long time and I think I'm ready. Ready for what I can't say exactly. It goes beyond the realm of forgiveness and forgetting, but along the same lines I guess. Maybe it is forgiveness and moving on, and I'm just not calling it that. I don't really know.

There has been something about the stigma of "divorced" that has bothered me for sometime. I don't like it, and I've felt that when asked I have to follow "divorced" up with, "yeah, he left me when I was 4 months pregnant with our third child." Because then, I'm free and clear from any thoughts or judgements that someone might have on me about the situation. They don't have to sit there and wonder what happened, because I just told them.

Some people allow their stories become who they are. They can define their lives. I don't want my story to define me. Not the bad part anyways. How do I want people to know me? I want them to know me by the fact that I was faced with a difficult situation and chose to keep my faith in God that He would carry me through this. He has and still does everyday.

Have you ever heard that song by Brandon Heath, "I'm Not Who I was?" I love that song. That is me. I am not who I was and everyday God continues to work on me and that makes me so incredibly grateful.

I've just decided that the details don't matter anymore. What happened is not who I am and I'm just done with it all. Sometimes I start to blog about certain events, and something stops me. I don't want what happened to become such a part of my life that I let it take over me. Sorry to disappoint some of you if you thought this was an episode of Days of Our Lives. It's not, and I don't ever want it to be. I'm looking straight forward from this point on. Yes, I still have effects of what did happen, but we all have effects on our lives from past events. I'm no different.

I bought a book today. It's called Desire. It's by John Elderidge. He's the same guy who wrote Captivating and Wild At Heart. I've only read a couple of pages, but so far I can tell it's a book that looks to be an easy read, but very meaningful. I'm sure I'll blog about it later. I don't really know what my desires are. I'm still figuring that one out. But one thing I have discovered is that satan lies to me everyday in every way he can. I can't tell you how many times he's tried to tell me, "You're a single mom of three small children. You're stuck and you won't go anywhere." He is trying to kill my desire. And that is a bold faced lie. I'm not sure what my desires are, but I do know one thing. I want it all. And because of God's grace, I will have it all. So now I'm on my journey to find out what what that means.

All You Need is Love

My title is kind of random. My post actually isn't about love, but I have that song stuck in my head. I just saw the movie, Across the Universe and LOVED it! If you haven't heard about it, it's a musical. I'm actually not into musicals, there are very few that I like, but I thought this movie looked good. It has over 30 Beatles songs in it and the choreography is great! Moulin Rouge is one of my all time favorite movies for the music and choreography. To me a good musical is one that you don't find your self saying, "I wish they'd shut up and just act." The music should make it flow in such a way that you don't even realize their singing. Some people probably disagree with me and they actually like the musical acting, but I honestly find it annoying and kind of cheesy. This movie was very entertaining and just meaningful for me.

Last Saturday I saw, The Heartbreak Kid. I was so disappointed. I saw the review on The Today Show and they said it was hilarious and just wonderful. Well when you're sitting in the theater and when you hear the first line of the movie and you almost choke on your popcorn and say, "I can't believe they just said that!" Chances are the rest of the movie will follow suit. This one did not disappoint in that category. It was so dirty! And honestly, uncalled for. I mean you can make people laugh just as easily without trying to add in all the shock value effect. So pooey on you Ben Stiller!

Okay, so that is all for my movie reviews. I now want to see 310 to Yuma and Dan in Real Life. (it's not out yet) I can't think of anything else I want to see.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


I have been so tired this week. No amount of coffee has kept me awake. I think I finally woke up today. It's just been one of those weeks that I did a lot of reflecting. For some that may sound like torture, but I enjoy it. I learn a lot. It's just my personality. I think I've thought a lot about Chrissy and her mom. Which I still don't know anything yet. I remember when they put the morphine patch on my Mema and called in hospice we all thought it wouldn't take long at all. She hung on for so much longer than any of ever anticipated. Not a fun time.

It hasn't been a bad week, hasn't really been a spectacular week. Just a week, ya know? I met with a guy this morning. I'm reviewing my health insurance and trying to decide what to do. I just had a rate increase and I'm never sick, so I just feel like I'm wasting money. I wouldn't go without insurance, but I'm just looking at some alternatives. I hate dealing with this kind of stuff. I'm good at the mom stuff. Ya know throw up on me, pee on me, poop...whatever. But the details stuff, it's like Chinese to me. I just want the bottom line. But right now that is where I'm at. Fortunately, God seems to guide me through these things too.

I was telling my mom all of this and about some of the things that I'm doing at work now, and she told me that I just need to find a good wife. NO KIDDING! I just laughed. That is so the truth!!! I feel like a man. And I don't like it! You couldn't pay me enough money to be a man. I may complain once a month about being a woman and then of course during labor, but overall I would take that any day over being a man. There is just so much pressure for men. (If any men are reading this, I'm sure I have you saying "Amen") They have to provide, they're SUPPOSED to be the spiritual leaders, and then come home, fix the car, take out the trash and help their wives with the kids. Well I have to do all of that, and still do all the wife stuff too. Single parenting is just not natural. And really God never intended for it to be natural. That's why it's so hard.

Anyways, well I guess that's about it for now. I'm tired again, but I've worked hard today. It's 9:30, we just got home a little bit ago. I picked Madi up from school and we've been busy pretty much ever since. We got Kyle's hair cut, worked out and then went and ate dinner with my family. So I'm sore and tired. I'm taking a bath and going to bed!

On another note, have you heard that song by Relient K; "Give Until There's Nothing Left to Give" I love it! I've listened to it about 10 times today. It's so good.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Prayer Request

My friend Chrissy just emailed me. They have called in hospice for her mother. As many of you know, Pam has had health problems for many years, in particular the the last three years where she has battled with cancer. She has come through so much, but her fight is ending. I know they are all comforted by knowing she will be in heaven, but still I know this is all hard for them. Chrissy just had a baby 3 weeks ago, so she's going through a lot. Please say a prayer for her family. I have a link to her blog if you want to leave her a message.

Hello Fall!

Ahhh finally cool weather! It has been so hot here. It's freezing this morning...I love it! It makes me want to bake or something.

I had a great time this weekend. I went to Clovis for my friend's birthday party. It was a barn dance. Which at first I thought, hmmm...a barn dance. I'm not into country a whole lot, but it was just a regular ole' dance that just happened to be in a barn. I didn't know a whole lot of people except for Khaki and her family, but she only knows nice, friendly people, so it was fun. I've known Khaki since we were in the 4th grade. I lived in Clovis from the 2nd through 7th grades. We've managed to keep in touch all this time. Sometimes it may have been a couple of years between visits, but still we always seem to just pick up where we left off. She has always been a dear friend to me!

While there I visited old places around town. Clovis has grown dramatically since I lived there. It's almost doubled in size. It's pretty nice now. I drove by my old house. That house is pretty special to us, because it was a house that we owned in Post and moved to Clovis and then added onto it. It was a quite a project as I remember growing up. We had an acre of land and we planted all the trees that are in full bloom there now. I hated leaving Clovis when I was younger. Moving from there was the first really difficult thing I remember about growing up. But I would definitely say that moving to McAllen, which is where I graduated from high school, made me a stronger person. I hadn't faced much adversity, but moving a gringa (white girl in Spanish) from Clovis to South Texas where the percentage of Hispanics was 97% at my junior high was something that really forced me to learn a lot about diversity. Which now I would say was a very good thing.

I also just had a great time driving by myself. I took the window off my dad's jeep and I just had lots of time to think, pray, talk to myself...ya know all the things that I don't get to do a lot of when I'm with the kids. And it's good because my time away makes me miss the kids, which then I feel makes me be a better mom. I will say that I would be so terribly bored if I didn't have my children. I don't know what in the world I would do. They are my life!

Yesterday I got home, and then left again and went and ate dinner with Sheila and then went to my divorce care group. So it was just a great weekend for many different reasons, but I am glad to be home. I like going places, but there really is no better place to be than your own bed. I missed it, and I slept so good last night.

I did a lot of thinking, and thanks for all your prayers. I really think they're working. I just have had a lot of peace and really a lot more understanding of what God wants. And by saying that, I don't really know what God wants for me, but I do feel that God is telling me a lot right now. I've never considered myself a control freak. When compared to the rest of the population, I would say that I am very laid back. However, because I've had to be on my own and make all the decisions by myself, I think that has kind of given me a tendency to try to control things. So when faced with situations I am always asking myself what I should do. And right now I believe that I am in a situation where I don't think there is a whole lot I can do. I think God just wants me to keep being wise and know that if he needs me to do something, He'll let me know. And realizing all of this has made me realize something very big too. I am not the only one that God is in control of...He controls all things and all people. Which is very comforting. I do believe that in many ways God is working right now, and not just for me. I am really being able to see His hand at work right now. We still all have the choice of free will, but ultimately God is in control.

I have questioned many different aspects of all of this and why they are the way they are. And while I haven't come up with a whole lot of answers, I don't think it really matters right now. What does matter is realizing that God knows, and to trust that.

Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to this purpose for them.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
For everything there is a season, and a time for very purpose under heaven.
Ecclesiastes 11:5
Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in the mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things.
To me those scriptures just go hand in hand, and make so much sense to me. I find great comfort in reading them, and knowing that I need to take the back seat. Right now there is nothing to do, but to know that God is leading and if He needs me to do something, He'll guide me.
I hope you all have a great Monday!!!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

In deep thought...

I've sat here for over thirty minutes staring at this blog. To blog or not to blog...that has been my question. All I could come up with is, "divorce is the gift that keeps on giving" which then for some odd reason reminded me of Christmas Vacation. All I could remember was the scene when Eddy gives Clark a gift, and he says, "it's the gift that keeps on giving." But I couldn't remember what he gives him. After much thought, I remembered. It's a membership to the jelly of the month club. You know, the gift that keeps on giving each month. Which brings me back to divorce. Maybe, I should just go to bed and stop here.

I've erased and edited this thing too many times. So I'm stopping with details. I'm just asking for some prayers. I think I need to be quiet and just listen to God right now. There is a particular part of this situation that I need some guidance on, and I need to be confident in what I am being told. I'm just doing too much talking right now, and not enough listening!

I'm leaving on Saturday to go to Clovis for the night. My mom is staying with the kids. I'm going alone and I'm going to my friends birthday party. I'm taking my dad's jeep and leaving my car with my mom. His jeep is fun to drive. I think it will do me some good to be on the road for a little while by myself. Maybe then I can get some clarity and some answers. Sorry for being so vague, I just can't talk about it right now.

I do want to say thanks to you all though, you have all just become such a source of encouragement and support for me. Really!!! I know there are so many people who read this that don't comment and that's okay, although I would love to hear from you! But thanks to everyone who reads this, prays and thinks of me. It has come to mean so much to me.

I hope you all have a good weekend!

Dog days

Kyle is learning the letter D this week at school. Can you tell? He's been acting like a dog all afternoon.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

A good report!

We just got back from Mason's 4 month appointment. He's 13 lbs. and 3 oz. and he's 25 3/4 inches long. So that puts him in the 10th percentile for weight and 60th percentile for height. His weight is a little low, but we had lost weight in August, so he's actually doing pretty good.

She said he's the happiest stridor baby she's ever seen. Stridor is what they call babies with larygnomalasia. So all things are good here!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Break Time

It's been a pretty busy week. Monday I took Mason to the ENT. He does believe that he has laryngomalaysia. Dr. Hanson had said possibly tracheamalaysia. The only difference is the where the problem actually is. And basically all that means is the muscles in the larynx are not strong enough. He just sounds congested all the time. I've explained this before, but since he came a little bit early it just looks like Mason hadn't 'cooked' enough in the womb. But it's a problem that they outgrow, unless they're not thriving. Since he is doing so well, he said we're just going to watch him and see if he continues to progress like he should. Some babies that aren't thriving have to have surgery. So I'm very thankful right now for the turn my little guy has made. If September had been like August, I would have been worried. It just seemed like in August he wasn't thriving well at all, for lots of reasons. So praise God for that!!!

We go the the pediatrician tomorrow for his 4 month checkup and shots. We're two weeks late, but I had to reschedule his appointment. I can't wait to see how much he weighs. He has just grown so much since we saw her last. I know she is just going to be thrilled and how well he is doing! He is just so smiley and happy these days. It's been such a blessing. And I'm so thankful for this child that just seems to go with the flow. You know he would have to be in order to be a part of this family!

Last night I was giving the kids a bath, and I just realized how blessed I am. I was just being silly with them, and I asked Kyle is he knew how to do the 'robot'. (the dance) Knowing full well he didn't know how to do it. So I taught them how to do the robot. We just laughed and laughed. It was hilarious. I'll take some pictures some time of that. Sorry, there will not be any pictures of me doing the robot. I'll be the camerawoman for those! :) Ya know, you do what you have to do to get a laugh some days!

Well break time is over...I think I hear them in my bathroom, which is never a good thing. Gotta run!