hahahahahahahahha...

Okay, so the modem wasn't fried...just my brain. I got the new one in yesterday, and started hooking it up and there was no power to it. And I was thinking, "what are the chances that I could have been sent a defective modem???" And then I noticed a little button on it, called the POWER button. I tell ya it works every time...just click it!!! So now I can call back AT&T to send them back the "defective" modem and tell them that it's working just fine, they just have a moron for a customer. hahahahahhahaha...the jokes on me. :)

Thank you God for angels who protect me daily, oh where oh where would I be without them??? :)

Dumbing Down

***My modem fried on Friday, so I'm without internet. I can't order a modem until tomorrow morning, and then take into account my amazing computer skills (insert sarcasm here) and I will be out until I get it fixed. I'm sure I'll have an earful for you though after next weekend.***


Dumbing down is a term a term I first heard from my mother in law. She was a single mom for a while, after her husband died, and she talked about dating and how women have a tendency to “dumb” down for love. I know I had done it before, I think every girl has. I’m sure guys do too, but overall I think girls can be some of the dumbest creatures on Earth. I’m not doggin’ on my own species, but really how dumb can we be sometimes that we would put ourselves in situations that we know aren’t right…and furthermore stay there.

I read this article last week in the AJ about this woman who felt trapped in her marriage of over 30 years. Her husband abused her, cheated on her countless times, gave her an assortment of S.T.D’s, but the sex was always good, so that is why she stayed. She wasn’t quite sure what to do. Ummm…I’m sorry, but I don’t see how she could even question what she should do. I mean really??? How can you let someone do that to you???

I think everyday we allow ourselves to be put in situations where things just aren’t right, and we put up with it. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know I’ve done that. And what’s the payoff? I’m not sure. There has to be something, or we wouldn’t do it. I guess the more obvious situations like the one mentioned above seems ridiculous, because who in their right mind would allow that? At the same time though, it doesn’t have to be on that large of scale in order for it still to be wrong. It is my choice, and MY CHOICE only to stop that. God gives me free will to do what I want.

When I went and saw “Sex and the City” Miss Carrie Bradshaw described her relationship with Mr. Big and said that she was an emotional cutter. I never thought about that, but I think I can understand that. We don’t want to hurt because of relationships, but at the same time you want to feel something. It seems to be all about “feeling”…we’re such a society to wants to feel something. Or on the other hand, doesn’t want to feel at all, so we find ourselves medicating with drugs, alcohol, sex…whatever; you can name your own poison. But it all centers around feeling. I’ve been wanting to feel, or on the other hand, not lose the feeling.

I now find myself at a spiritual crossroads. It's a good one. (Aren't they all???) I’m so excited about going to “The Walk” next weekend. I think it is absolutely perfect timing for many different reasons. I don’t expect to come out of there looking like Moses after he came down from the mountain or anything, but I do have a lot of hope spiritually for good things.

I feel like my life has changed a lot in a short amount of time. I can’t really pinpoint what it is, but my mindset has just been so much different and in a very good way. I’ll be honest, I’ve still struggled with the “leftovers” of my last relationship. It just threw me for a loop that I didn’t expect. But it’s okay, it helped me realize a lot of things about myself, and a lot of things about what I want and don’t want.

I’m not crazy to think that relationships are perfect, or that just because I went through a bad divorce that I’ll find my prince charming and live happily ever after. I know it doesn’t work that way. I would say more than ever, I know that. I do still have full faith that the right person for me is out there somewhere. And he’s not just out there for me; I’m out there for him. It works both ways, and as cliché as this may sound; Jesus already saved me, I don’t need a man to.

Once again, I find myself being so incredibly thankful for the people God has placed in my life who affirm to me that what I am doing is right. I am truly amazed at all the support I have from friends and family. I know there are lots of people in this world who don’t believe in God. I will tell you that I see God all around me, everyday. It’s in the people who love me, support me, watch over me and want good for me. There are no coincidences…God put these people in my life for a reason. Even the ones that suck too, (hahaha) because if we allow ourselves to, we can learn something from them as well. And then maybe if we’re lucky enough a bird will poop on their head one day, and it will make us feel better. No, I’m not passive aggressive at all…heehee.

This and that...

I guess everything is business as usual right now. I'm not sure I could handle much more than that anyways! I'm pretty much exhausted all the time, but I still feel very blessed. People have been trying to do what they can to help me, so that has been nice. My mom has started coming over every Tuesday and clean house for me. That is a dream come true! I wanted to hire a maid, but it's nice not having to pay for one right now. I just can't do it all and the house is always the first to go...so that is a major help.



Next, Robyn gave me an award. I mentioned her giving me an award last week. When I wrote her name, I spelled it Robin...which makes me laugh and if you were in Kappa and pledged with me, then you know why that is funny. How can I forget??? She mentioned in her post about me, that she was my pledgemaster in college. Hello..."Honorable Miss Robyn, my name is not a bird, I don't know how to fly, so don't spell my name with an I..." :) :) :)



Anyways, so she gave me an award because she considered my blog to be deserving for it's creativity, design, interesting material and contribution to the blogging community, regardless of the language. (I copied and pasted that...so it may not make sense, and I'm too tired to think.)



Thank you so much Robyn! What you said about me means a lot, and I appreciate the encouragement! I am going against the grain here and not list any other blogs, and I hope that's okay. I know the bloggy police won't come after me or anything, but I am a stickler for rules, and I'm breaking them.



Okay, so what else??? My dad came and picked up Kyle last night and took him home for a couple of days. Then they'll switch off and take Madi for a couple of days. I feel like I'm on vacation when I've only got 2. It's so easy compared to three!

Things are good, just really busy. I do have hopes of them slowing down about this time next week. I've got two loans that are closing the end of this week and early next week. I will be a happy camper once that is done. I'm feeling a little bit overworked right now. Honestly though, the busyness has been good and has served a purpose. I do look forward to working 40 hours a week as opposed to 50 though. :)

Hope y'all have a good rest of the week.

Fun Times

I had a great weekend. Friday night I got to eat dinner with Lisa. We hadn't been able to spend time with each other in a while. We've both been busy with various things, so it was awesome to just sit there for hours (literally) and just visit. We almost closed the place down. My mom kept the kids for me that night, so I had the whole house to myself Friday night. I almost kind of go stir crazy when I'm home alone, because I feel like I should be out doing something since I have the time. I went to bed though, I was so tired.

Saturday night Amanda, SuzAnne, and I went to Abuelo's and then to see "Sex and the City" I loved it!!!!!!!!!! It was one of my favorites when it was on t.v. I think I've seen every episode. I know it's horribly dirty, but I still love it. And Jenny, I cried too. It just made me all the more thankful for my friends. I'm such a nerd, that I even dressed like my favorite character, Charlotte. I just love her.

Today we didn't go to church. I decided avoidance of Father's Day was the best route for me right now. I knew it would make it harder on them, which in turn would make it harder on me. Just didn't feel like dealing this year. I didn't even think about until Friday and then it just really hit me late last night. I'm good, I just kind of regroup and move on. There's not much else I can do. So instead we went to McDonald's and ate breakfast and the kids played.

Anyways, well another week is upon us. Back to the busy schedule. I'm counting down the days to Emmaus...I can't wait.

What month is it???

I don't know when I've ever been this busy. We are adjusting to our schedule, slowly but surely. I can't say that Kyle is all that happy about going to daycare. He wishes he could stay home with his momma everyday. Overall though, it's gone really well.

I feel really blessed to be busy. I'm doing the whole 8-5 thing, but I'm also incredibly busy with the mortgage stuff too. This will be a really good month. I'm having to sacrifice a lot of time with the kids right now, but it won't be forever, and it will help me tremendously. So no complaints here!

I like my job, I really like the people. I think I'm allergic to the cotton though. I've always had allergies, but man...they've gotten to be horrible. I work in the corporate office, but it's all around the cooperatives that store the cotton. Hopefully, it's just a cold.

All in all, things are great. I'm tired, but it's an amazing feeling feeling knowing I can support my family. And I'm looking forward to a fun weekend! :)

By the way Robin, thanks for the award! This one is going to take some thought on my part...I'll post soon! :)

Wow

Can I just tell you that I've had an amazing two days? There's just a lot that's happened in the last two days that I see God just blessing me over and over. And where I'm just saying, "Wow God...you were right."

They've been days full of transition, no doubt...I have shed some tears while dealing with some adjustments that we're making in our lives, but more than ever I'm just amazed!

I went to the the meeting for The Walk to Emmaus last night. I met a new friend who also goes to Monterey, and we found out that we were both going to be at a cookout that my neighbors were having tonight. While at the cookout tonight we found about a million different connections including: our mutual friend Elaina, Kappa, Grants New Mexico, being divorced...the list could go on and on. We had the most amazing talk.

I just feel God doing all sorts of things in my life and putting people in my life that I need right now.

I'm looking forward to the weekend with my kids. I've missed being with them these last two days as they have started day care. Madi is staying with my mom this weekend. They're having girl time with Sydney, because Colt and SuzAnne took a weekend getaway. So I'll be with my boys.

I started my job today. Man...I feel a little overwhelmed. I thought mortgage processing was detail oriented! Holy cow! What I'm doing now is insane! To explain it best: I am in charge of making travel arrangements for cotton. You would not believe what it takes to get cotton shipped overseas, and how much is exported to places like Turkey, China, Mexico...etc, etc. I'm very excited to learn something new and I'm catching on pretty quick, but still...by the end of the day, my brain was tired.

I am however feeling very blessed to be at the company I'm at. I don't think I could be at a better place.

So lots going on...I'm tired now, and I'm going to bed.

A New Beginning...

I guess I can officially spill the beans now. I had been keeping it under wraps for several reasons, but I can share now. I got a full time job. I decided to do this for different reasons. I'm not quitting the mortgage business, I am going to do both. I think right now it is the best move for me.

I had been so very frustrated, because trying to find a job isn't fun. I've actually never had to really do it before. I've always just known someone and they have connected me to something. This time that wasn't the case. And the connections I did have just weren't panning out like I thought they would. So, I kept searching. I even went as far to put resumes out in Abilene. Yes, I would have moved. I did have an interview there, but really the only jobs I would have wanted would have been at ACU. It is still very much a dream of mine to get my Masters in Counseling or Higher Education and work for a university and/or church as a women's minister, but right now may just not be the time.

I did however get a call this week and was offered the job I was wanting here in Lubbock. The pay was really good and when they offered me the job they told me that they were starting me at a higher salary than they originally stated! A HUGE ANSWERED PRAYER! I'm really excited, because this is going to give me the opportunity to support me and my family and not have to depend on the ex. Yes, he is still responsible and will be held to that, but he doesn't have any leverage over me anymore. He can just deal with the Attorney General...and that has been a long awaited goal for me!

I'm a little sad about putting the kids in daycare, but the way I see it is that they have been home with me most of the time for most of their years. I got Mason past the one year mark, and I think that helps so much. And on top of that, I'm a single mom and I've managed to stay home for the last year and a half. I don't know another single mom who has been able to do that. Now I feel it's time to go back to work and help change our financial future. So, I will be juggling a lot, but I feel with all my heart that this will be life changing for me and is the right thing.

I start Friday. So I will join the rest of the world in getting up early and getting the kids ready and being at work at 8 a.m. I'm sure I will be exhausted by the days end, but there is something to be said about knowing the feeling that you're providing the best you can for you and your family.

I'm so thankful and I'm so blessed for the opportunity that God has put in front of me. All worked out just as it should, and I think that God strengthened my faith throughout the waiting process. And I'm so glad it's over!

Blessings

What I posted yesterday was in reference to a frustrating situation in my life. I see where I have given it power to influence me in a negative way and cause me to not think about all the good things in my life.

Today has been an interesting day for me. Some really good things are happening and I'm starting to see the fruits of my labor and the proof that God provides and answers prayers in ways that He knows we need best.

I have "bumped" into more people today that I've needed to for sometime. I guess the timing now for me though is perfect. I saw Mrs. Carolyn today. Mrs. Carolyn was Madi and Kyle's pre-school director at Sunset. I haven't seen her in over a year when I took the kids out of Just Kids to move to Slaton. I love this lady. She ministered to me in so many ways and knew first hand what was going on. I even remember the time she took me into the media closet to pray with me one morning when I dropped the kids off, because I was completely beside myself with grief. We exchanged phone numbers and are getting together soon. She just lifted me up in ways that I really needed. A person who loves me.

Then I was at work talking to one of the ladies and the subject of "The Walk to Emmaus" came up. She helps with this. And I exclaimed (truly!) "oh my goodness, I've wanted to go to that!" She got me signed up for the end of June and talked to my hair dresser (who had agreed to sponsor me) and I'm going to get to go. If you don't know what "The Walk" is you can go to www.llanoemmaus.org and read about it. I have heard so many wonderful things about this weekend and that it is completely life changing. I am soooo pumped! They have a meeting once a month at a different church to get people registered. This month it's at Monterey. (I took that as a sign too!) Again people who care for me.

I could go on and on for the ways that God is blessing me and showing me that it is time to look at all who love me and see all that He is doing for me and not pay attention to the rest, because the rest aren't worth it.

I struggle with that, I really, really do. Say a prayer that I can be strong and let go of the things I need to and the people I need to. I honestly don't know why it's been so hard for me to do that...but it's time.

Thankfulness

I've learned a really good lesson this week...

Be thankful for the things you have and don't worry about the rest.

I have so many reasons to be thankful and honestly, I don't have one reason in the world not to praise God for everything in my life. I think we all do. And I think a big key to getting through this life is only focusing on the things that do enrich our lives. Don't give power to the negative. It can so easily be done and when you do that, you let the parts of your life that maybe aren't the best become very important. And I'm sure that satan loves that!

There are some days that maybe you just need a hug from someone important to you, or a kind word. There can even be the smile from a stranger. Take it, embrace it, and know that you are loved.

Don't look at what hurts you and makes you angry and let it have any sort of place in your life. If you do, are allowing those things and feelings to become more important than the blessings that God gives us all. Y'all they're so numerous...we all have so much to be thankful for, and if you have problems thinking of something...start with the fact that God gave you this day to look for many ways in which He has blessed your life. If you find yourself in a pit, be thankful for the very fact that God has given you a way out.

That's it...that's all...just been on my mind.