Good nights sleep and other things

It's amazing how a good nights sleep makes you feel all better. I just didn't feel good yesterday. I would work about 15 minutes and then have to lay down, because I was so exhausted. I am just so tired of packing and cleaning. I feel like that's all I do...and well that is all I do. But in one week we will be in our new house, so it will be all over. Then I'll just feel like all I do is unpack and put up.

I have started having indegestion and heartburn. I will say that at least I have been spared from that so far. With both other pregnancies I had it from day one and really bad. I had had it on occasion with this one, but now it's full force in the evenings. Fortunately for me, I have some medicine the doctor gave me that helps me sleep at night that is safe to take all the time. That is why I slept so well last night!!! It works wonders for me.

I started a new class at Monterey on Sundays. It is a class for single parents. There were quite a few people in there. Definately more than I expected. The class leader said, "it's great to see that this class is growing." Well, is it great to see this class is growing? I know what he meant. It's great that people who are in the situation are coming to the class, but ideally I don't think we want the class to grow. That would just encourage the divorce rate that is already at 52% (accoring to Dr. Phil yesterday) and the fatality rate.

While in that class, I discovered a few things. One thing is that I am very blessed. My situation could be a lot worse. And some of you may be thinking, "how in the world could it be worse for you? You are pregnant!" Yes, I am very well aware of that, but I saw some women in there, that are truly struggling in life. There was one lady with two kids. They are older than mine, but she has two jobs (one of which she just lost and needs to replace) and is going to school full time, and is also a single mother. I needed to go lay down and rest after hearing that from her. I am very blessed that I do not have to work. At some point I will work, but right now that is not something I have to do or worry about. And I would think that not many divorced, single moms have that luxury. I don't know, I don't know many of them. So I definately consider myself blessed.

Another thing I learned is that I do not want to be a bitter, single mom. I didn't see anyone like that in there, but I know there have to be a few in there. I think it is so easy to become cynical, bitter, cold, negative...and any other word you can think of that fits into that category, but I just don't want to live that way. I have discovered for myself that this can be a ministry for me. I don't really know how, but I don't think that's important right now. I think discovering that God can use me through this is enough now, that I will keep my eyes open for ways to serve in the future.

So anyways, that is what is going on with me. I am off to start packing again...oh when will it end!!!

Happy Birthday Rocky!

Frank (brown daschund) and Rocky (black daschund)

Well it's official...Frank has been to his first doggy birthday party! Rocky, who is a dog friend of my cousins, turned one today and had a birthday party. She came and picked up Frank and took him to the party. They had special doggy cake. Yes, there are actually places in town that make "doggy" birthday cakes, and there are crazy people who buy them! They even had glow in the dark necklaces, and party favors.

It's amazing how much stuff people can collect in one house. I have been cleaning and packing for days now, and it still seems like it's never going to end. I can't tell you the amount of stuff I have thrown away, donated or sold. It's insane!!! I am now t.v. less in the living room. It's so quiet in here. But it's actually kind of nice. I hate that we worship the t.v., b/c that is kind of how I feel. It's always on, and it's the focal point of the room. Well no more, I am down sizing. I sold the t.v. the couch, dining table, and my bed. I don't have much need for a king size bed now. I am getting me a queen size, and a smaller couch.

Okay, so I just have to say this...people are so disgusting sometimes. Today I ate lunch at zookini's...one of my fav places. I always order the same thing. (the zoo trip) Well I'm standing in line behind this adolescent (I feel really old for saying that) at the potato bar. She is taking her sweet time to dress her potato, and she knows I'm standing there too. She reaches down and dips her finger in the sour cream and licks it off. And then proceeds to sample the cheese and bacon bits, with her bare hands. That is so disgusting!!! Did anyone teach this child manners, and anything about public health? I was just staring at her, and I thought about saying something, but the only thing that would have come out of my mouth probably wouldn't have been very nice, so I just stared at her. I just don't understand people sometimes, and I would hope this was because of her age, but still she should have been old enough to know you don't do that.

Anyways, well I had my doctors appointment on thursday. I still haven't gained any weight. I am down 18 pounds since I got pregnant...I'm not worried and neither is my doctor. She said at least I'm not losing anymore, and I eat a lot. The baby is where is supposed to be according to my sonogram, so I press on! The good news is that I haven't thrown up a meal in about a month now. And my morning sickness is tapering off for the most part. Unless it's really early in the morning, or I see or smell something disgusting, and then I'm done for! I can't believe I am half way there! I have been feeling really good. So I'm definately thankful for that!

Tomorrow Madi and I are finally going to see Charlotte's Web together. We intended to back in December when it first came out, but then life got crazy and we didn't get around to it. So we have a date tomorrow afternoon. The kids are doing really well. We went to some friends house tonight for dinner, and they behaved so well. Considering everything that has been going on, I am just so proud of them. I know that they are and will be affected in lots of different ways, but so far this change has been very positive for them. I know that sounds odd, because that just doesn't sound right. But you would really have to know the entire situation to understand. I am very blessed to have such wonderful children, who bring such joy to my life!

Oprah

I am babysitting Ryder today. He goes to Greenlawn on Monday and Wednesday's while Suzanne is at work, and she lost her baby sitter who picks him up and keeps him until she gets off, so I'm doing it today. It is definately a trial run for what it will be like with 3. But he just laid down for a nap, and the way he sleeps he'll sleep until she gets here, so right now it's easy! I think I will be blessed with having Madi in K-garten when Mason gets here, so I know that will help. And Kyle is like the easiest kid in the world...so it will all work out.

Have any of you been watching Oprah this week? Man, it's been a great Oprah week. I've had to DVR most of them and watch them later, because I wouldn't be able to get it all in with small ones around. Today I managed to watch it with 3 kids! Although I am going to watch it again tonight, because I am sure I wasn't able to get it all in.

Monday was about "America's Debt Diet" which was very inspiring. I got some great pointers, and was inspired to take all my change to the bank. I have been collecting it since I am cleaning out and find so much of it! In the last week, I had collected over $80 in change!

Tuesday was about making the decision to stay home with your kids or making the decision to work outside the home. It was called, "Can women really have it all?" As always in this kind of show, there are some very heated mothers on both sides who feel very strongly. I do feel it's a shame though, that whatever side you are on we can't be more supportive of each other. I think there are just so many tense feelings about this subject and that makes it very hard to support each other. But it was very good and very thought provoking.

And today, WOW...it may have been the best Oprah I've ever seen. It was called, "What five words describe your marriage?" I tried to describe mine, and the only word I could think of was, done. And then repeating it five times. (I'm smiling as I say that... I have to keep a sense of humor) Anyways, it really to me wasn't so much about marriage as it was about ourselves and what we bring to our marriages. It focused on making sure that we are whole human beings. They mentioned the line from "Jerry Maguire" (which is one of my all time fav movies) "You complete me" which is a statement in marriage that makes our marriages fail. If you can't complete yourself, then you can't complete someone else. How true!!!! So much of the focus of the show was about spirituality. Of course spirituality in the context they were using didn't include God, and in my world it does. But regardless, the point was the same. If you go to Oprah.com the man who was on there, I can't remember his name, has a list on how to build a marriage based on spirituality. It was a great show.

And tomorrow...it's about "30-somethings in America" what our life is about. I'm not 30 yet, but I kind of already put myself in that category. No, I don't watch t.v. all the time. Everyday I've seen the preview for Oprah, and I think, "man I've got to watch that!" And I tell you, it's been a great Oprah week!

It's about that time!!!

Who: Kappa Phi Kappa alumns
What: Kappa Reunion Party!!!!
Where: Sheila's house (email me and I'll give you and address)
When: Friday, February 9th (time TBA)
Why: Because we're all nerds, and it will be a lot of fun!!!

Some of us have a reunion that night and so we're all getting together after that. Tell everyone you know!!! Everyone is welcome!!! And if you're from another club, please don't try to crash our party...Sara, we'll be looking out for you!!! :)

Snow fun!!!

Well the snow finally showed up. Not nearly as much as they predicted though...which is fine with me! We were able to get out for church this morning, and are no longer home bound! Colt and Suzanne came over, and Colt helped the kids build a snowman.

Where's the snow???

Okay so I am waiting for this highly anticipated "storm of '07" and it's not here. It was supposed to be snowing by 10a.m....there's no snow. Believe me, I would rather not have it, so that I could ensure that I will not be home bound this weekend. And that church would not be cancelled...again. Yesterday Suzanne and I went to Wal-mart. (yes, I know I broke my resolution...I'll get to that in a minute.) They were out of water, except for the small bottles, and they didn't have any duraflame logs. But I managed to get enough so that we wouldn't have a need to get out this weekend. I am going to make chili tonight, and I made pancakes this morning. My cooking skills have even been suprising myself!

About Wal-mart...I have decided that sometimes I have to go. Diapers are just cheaper there, and there are just some things that you have to get there. However, I frequent United much more often, and enjoy it. I am able to get myself a decaf white chocholate mocha and enjoy getting groceries in a very insane free environment. Well that is except here lately when people have been going nuts and buying everything!!! You have to wait in line just to get a basket! People and weather...they do go crazy!

I had fun at bunco last night, and won! I got the most wins...so I got a box of popcorn and a $15.00 gift certificate to Blockbuster. That could come in handy this weekend!

Well I seriously have to get something done. I have a lot of cleaning out and packing to do. I am trying to make this as stree-free as possible. I am not sure moving and stress free go together well, but I am doing my best to make it that way!

It's a Boy!!!

I went for my sonogram on Tuesday, and I'm having another boy!!! I'm really excited. Even though I thought it was a girl, I am very excited to have a boy! I have decided on the name Mason Lee. (Lee is my middle name, my dad's, and my uncle's.) He said everything looks excellent, and I am right on target with June 16th!

It's been a good week. I signed my lease for new house yesterday. I think right now renting makes so much more sense for me, b/c I need help fixing things! The kids and I are very excited about this new change. They are putting new carpet in the bedrooms, and they are letting me re-paint the living room. It was a pinkish color. Love pink...just not on my walls! The house has hard wood floors throughout the rest of the house. It is 2 blocks from the elementary that Madi will be attending next year, and I've been told my an ex-LISD teacher that it's one of the best schools in LISD, and has an excellent GT program. So, all in all I think this is going to be a good move. We will be able to move on Feb. 4th, so I have lots to do. I am having a divorce/estate sale though, so I am going to try to get rid of a lot of stuff. There is no way our t.v. or couch will fit in the new house, so I am selling them both...among other things. So if anyone is interested in a large sectional that is in very good condition with a queen size sleeper in it, let me know!!!

I started counseling today. She "treated and released" me all in one session. After being there for a little bit, I wasn't sure if I really needed to be there, well she agreed. We did talk a lot about boundaries which isn't any suprise to me, because that is something I have always had to work on. We did talk about how in a christian society it is hard to understand that we need to put God first and then take care of ourselves second. If we can't take care of ourselves, then how can we be expected to reach out and take care of others. And if others can't accept that, then that is their problem and misperception. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on how I should be dealing with this, but the truth of the matter is that I have to set boundaries for myself. I got upset by a comment someone who I don't know made on my blog the other day. I know she meant well by saying that we could all be comforting others, but right now I have to worry about myself. I am not responsible for Nathan's actions, or that hurt he has caused, and I do not have to fix the hurt either. However, I am responsible for my actions, and my attitude. As long as I am carrying myself with a christian attitude, then I have set boundaries for myself. So lesson number one...a work in progress!!

A lot of people are really suprised at how well I am doing, and I really have to say it is a testament to the strength God has given me and gives all of us, and not a personal triumph. I wouldn't be doing this well if it weren't for his unfailing love and power! And I know I will continue to have down days...this is life...it happens. But the strength God has given me is just unmeasurable.

So we have a lot to look forward to...a new house...a new baby brother...warmer weather someday (my goodness, did we all move to Alaska???) and a new future!!! Have a happy weekend and stay warm! I'm off to play bunco!!!

Truth

I am really tired and I need to go to bed. In fact "fly lady" just emailed me with a reminder to go to bed, because my body needs the rest. I have never followed one thing she said, but I must agree with her on that one. I do need rest!

But I was really wanting to write. I had a good time at my parents. I was just what I needed to get away and have some new scenery. It's always harder staying at someone else's house with kids. They don't sleep well, they seem to act up more, etc...but it was what I needed. And I am so thankful for my parents, because they just open their arms and do what needs to be done to help with the situation.

I've been thinking a lot about winter. If you're in Lubbock or anywhere nearby it is freezing right now. Everything is so iced over, in fact it took us an hour to drive from Lubbock to Slaton on Saturday morning. For a lot of people winter can be depressing. You are shut in, and you can just start to go stir crazy. I knew I would start feeling that way if I stayed in this house over the weekend. Being in the house gets harder and harder for me. I am really anticipating the warmer weather that we will get at some point, but this weekend while away at my parents I looked around, and the winter weather was just so beautiful and majestic. It was so quiet and when the trees would move you could hear all the ice on them. At that moment there was something so peaceful about the winter season for me. And then I start to think about life, and paticular my life right now. I do feel that I am in a winter season. I do feel the cold, and the ice, and the freezing winds. However, I know that my favorite season is around the corner and the ice will melt, and the roses on my front porch will bloom again. And the same will happen in my life too. But sometimes we have to go through our winter. And even in those really cold days, we can look around and see the beauty and majesty of God.

I have really been wrestling with so many thoughts and questions. Well I feel this weekend I was able to sort through a lot of that out and finally have some truth of the matter. That 5 letter word is such a powerful word. They say "the truth hurts", but they also say, "the truth will set you free." I can't remember who said that. Probably some important politician or a forefather, but regardless whoever said was right. I feel that I have been set free from many things. And even though the truth does hurt, I feel that I now have a new path to walk. I am in a new part of my journey.

Have yall ever heard of the DISC personality test? Well in that test I am split between the S and C personalities. S meaning SECURE and the C meaning COMPETENT & CAUTIOUS. The C personality has a high regard for rules, and is very analytical. Well that is very much me. They also find words like "truth" and "justice" very important. I have taken that test many times during all my psych classes, but my parents had the book laying out and I was reading it this weekend. I'm doing anything these days to understand myself better. Well today I had a friend email me and she gave me a lot of comfort in her words. She was talking about justice, and what a just God our King is. I needed to hear that, and it's funny how people don't realize the power of what their saying to someone else, and how God works through that. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in this life and the day to day mundane tasks that I forget about the power of God. I allow my eyes and ears to be descentized into believing that I am the one who has to get everything done. I don't give God the credit He deserves for being a very truthful and just God. That gentle reminder from my friend put me back into the frame of mind I needed.

"Our God is an awesome God. He lives in Heaven above. With wisdom, power, and love, our God is an awesome God."

I get chill bumps just thinking about it. Man oh man...how blessed am I! How blessed are you! Because we all have that in us. We all have the ability to look beyond the here and now, and confidently know that we may not know what tomorrow holds, but at least we know WHO holds tomorrow.

I may not be in my house when the roses on my front porch bloom. I have made the decision that I want to move. Me and my kids are going to start fresh in a new home and make some new memories. I am not running away from what has happened, I am running to a new and better future. And even though I may not see the roses bloom, I know they will. They always do, and there are just some things that you can count on to stay consistent in life. One, is that the sun will come up. Two, is that the ice will melt. And three, is that God is a true and just God. That gives me such comfort and understanding. And God is the ONLY one I need that from.

Now I can rest...goodnight.

I have really had to learn what it means to live one day at a time. I had that title before because we had such busy lives and it was important to not get ahead of ourselves. It's funny how the same title can mean something very different. I have learned to be thankful when I lay in bed at night, and say, "thank you God for me having another day tomorrow." It is a day that puts me one day further along in this journey. And what a journey it is. I think for me that word typically implies something that your experiencing that is pleasant...that's not quite the case here.

I have had a very difficult week. I feel like I have come full circle, and now I'm starting over again. I am feeling the same emotions over and over again, but in a whole new way, and now I find myself with a whole new list of questions that have a lot of unsettling answers. It is truly maddening. I know this is yet another thing I have to work through...and I begin to wonder when I will get a break.

I know this is still all very new for me, and I have to be patient with myself, but it is truly so difficult to do that when your mind just won't stop. The questions and answers are just 24-7. And it's not as if any of the answers I get would change the situatioin. The one thing I do know is what has happened will not change. I am just so analytical. And while that can be a gift in some ways, it can be such a curse.

I had a friend describe the emotions I am feeling as very raw. How true is that. In fact I can't think of a better way to describe the emotions I have.

I am going to stay at my parents house today and tonight. My dad is coming to get us. The weather is bad here, and they don't want me driving. He was nice enough to come and get us though. I just need to get out of my house. I almost feel that this house makes it a lot harder on me. Part of me just wants to start completely over.

I don't know...I wish I had something more encouraging to report. I still know it's going to be okay, and I know that God is working in this situation...I am just really down right now, and don't know which way to go. I know I have to surround myself with good people and good things. I can't let what others say or do get me down. And most of all I can't let Satan get me down, because I know that he is the one who is really working hard right now. So I ask for prayers, and encouragement that I may see the light and once again be filled with peace. Just like every other emotion I know that will come back too, I am just a little clouded right now. Thanks to you all!

I would like to say I had a nice weekend, but I can't say that completely. Although I am doing much, much better now. My doctor put me on some medicine to help me cope with all of this, and although it seemed to be helping me a lot, the side affects just started wearing me out physically. And I'm sure they were hightened because of all the pregnancy hormones I have in me right now. But I have just been zapped for days now, not to mention the extreme upset stomach it has given me, and headache. So I decided to not take it this morning, and I am feeling much, much better. I am going to try this on my own and see how I do. It's difficult enough to take care of myself emotionally, and then start having lots of physical problems to add to the mix. But I have gotten lots of energy back and my moral is improving, so hopefully getting off the meds are a good thing.

My aunt is in town so we all went and had beans and cornbread with my grandparents at the nursing home tonight. You can't get much more white trash than that. I am not sure if that is just a Strawn family thing or does anyone else eat that? That's like my granddad's favorite thing to eat. Those two things were pretty much staples of the Strawn family meals. I also found out that we have a cousin named Adolph. Hmmm...not much to say about that. Who names their kid Adolph? Did they forget about WWII?? I am pretty sure that their is something genetically wrong with my family, and we all agree, but none of us are sure what happened. It's kind of hard to explain, but we are just loones sometimes. I just answer to the name Carolyn. I don't even remind my mother anymore that I am Larissa. (Carolyn is her sister, and she always calls me that.) Suzanne is Nancy. (her other sister) But it was a lot of fun, and it was good for me to be around them.

I went and saw an attorney on Friday. That was a little overwhelming. I just had to think about a lot of things that I really wasn't ready for, but that is her job. Being pregnant complicates things. I can file for divorce, but it can't be finalized until after the baby is born. You know I can't believe this happening to me. I just can't. I've been dealing with a lot of anger lately. And I wouldn't be normal if I didn't. My mom says just don't do anything that would land me in jail. That's always a good rule of thumb to live by. I am not a vengeful person, but oh how I think it might make me feel better sometimes. I just feel my life is crazy right now, but it's got me to thinking so much about what is truly important in this life. I have read several of you posting about the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness" and although I haven't seen the movie, I gather the gist of it by some of the things you have written. And it's made me think a lot about material things and what we consider to be important. I have heard someone and I can't remember who talk about things in life, and trying to decide what is urgent and what is important. And as I see my situation now, I know what is urgent. My kids are urgent. My well being is urgent. My new baby is urgent. But the material things I have are only important. I don't know how this is going to end up. I could lose everything material that I own. And that is something that I have to think about, even though it's not pleasant, I must face it. But there are some things in life that can not be taken away from me. That is the love I have for my children, my dignity, and my faith in God. Everything else is negotiable. And when I have that kind of mindframe it makes this bearable, because I know that with God all things are possible. I may have to start all over, but as long as I have those three things, we will be just fine.

Believe me, I get mad. I get plain pissed off. I generally don't blog during those times, because well I try to keep this at least PG rated, but I always end up back at the same exact place. Back in the arms of Christ, because it's the only place to be, and it's place that's calling me.

I still have a lot to learn. I need to learn to love myself more. I don't seem to have a problem loving others. In fact, sometimes I love them more than myself, which tends to hurt me. I think that is something that as a christian I have a hard time with. We are commanded to love and not be selfish, but there is a line in which we need to protect ourselves, and make some boundaries that others can not cross...and that is what I have to learn. I need to know that loving myself and protecting myself is okay, and must be done.

Suzanne said I need to go on Oprah. I told her that I need my happy ending first. And I may be naive, but I will have my happy ending. I do believe in love, and I do believe in the institution of marriage whole heartedly...I just got a bad apple. A really bad apple. I do not want to become a bra burning feminist either. (They drive me insane) I do believe that God has a plan for me and my children. That happy ending can come through lots of different things, and it doesn't always necesarily come through marriage. I first believe it comes in me getting right with me.

Well that is about it for now. I just had a lot on my mind and wanted to write. I hope you all have a good week!

And more thing, thanks to those who left comments. No real surprises there, but I know there are a ton more of you reading this and not leaving a comment. 50 hits in one day? That's okay, I understand if you don't want to say who you are. But I guess it's safe to say that I spilled the beans, and everyone knows now.

You've Got Mail

My mail just came. The mailman brought it to my door, because I had a package. I saw the name on the box of who it came from, and I just couldn't believe it. About a week ago Kisti, who has a link on my blog, asked me for my mailing address. Kisti and I went to LCU together. We were both in Kappa, and we lived on the same hall. She is a year younger than me, and just a sweet, sweet girl. I didn't know her really well, but she is someone who was always smiling and always cheerful and had an encouraging word.

When she asked me for my mailing address, I thought maybe she was going to send me a card or something. Never did I imagine that she would send me a care package. I can't believe the thought she put into this. And I don't say all this to embarass her, but to say how blessed and special I feel to know the people that I do. She sent each of my children a present, along with the new baby. She read on my profile how I love coffee, so she sent me some coffee, and hot chocolate for the kids to have "coffee" with me too. She included a pair of red fuzzy socks for "Kappa" spirit and comfort and some chocolate "hugs and kisses".

I just started crying when I saw who the package was from and was just almost couldn't open it, because I was just so touched! Kisti, you will never know what that meant to me. You have touched my heart, and words can't describe how that blessed my day and how the gesture will continue to bless me!

I don't want to sound like a broken record, but God has shown himself to me through so many people. Ya know Nathan says he doesn't believe in God...well I have never seen God working more than I ever have in my life. And the ways He has worked have amazed me. I have had friendships revitalize through this experience. (especially in people I never would have guessed before!) And I have had my relationships with both of my sisters become something I have always wanted. I've never been really close with either of them. But I have gained so much insight from Suzanne. She is a very wise person. And Jenny, well Jenny has been my sidekick for the passed two weeks straight, and we've had a lot of fun. I am just so encouraged by others. I don't see how anyone can think there is not a God. It is so obvious, and although this world is a crazy place full of things that can really bring us down, God is everywhere. But you have to want to see him, and if you don't want to, then I don't know if you ever will. And what a sad thought...what a sad life without hope. What's the point then? There is no point. Man am I ever blessed to know God and to have others in my life who know him too.

Kisti, thanks for making my day special. And thanks to everyone else who thinks of me, prays for me, loves me, and most importantly through all of this has shown me a little piece of God in each of you!

Prayer Requests

Today my Mema is being admitted to the hospital. For sometime now her skin has just been breaking down and it keeps getting worse. They are admitting her and going to run some tests. It looks like she might lose her foot, due to no circulation. She is 93, and although her body is breaking down her mind is still so sharp. Many of you know how my memory is so freakishly wierd sometimes and I can remember numbers and dates like no other. Well that is where I get if from. To this day, she still remember everyone's birthdays, telephone numbers, etc. It's really difficult when your body is wanting to leave this world and your mind is still very much here. And I would think at some point your mind just has to let go. If they do take her foot, my dad thinks she won't be the same after surgery.

I can't say enough about the most wonderful person my Mema is. I've really thought a lot about her in these past couple of weeks, because I truly believe she is the strongest woman and person I know. She has persevered through so much. She was married to a very mean (for lack of a better word) drunk, and still managed to raise 4 boys that all turned out to be very good christian men and fathers. She's been alone since 1996, after my Papa's death. And I know she was alone long before that. She kept her faith, and has continued to be a godly woman throughout her life. She really is my hero.

She really is ready to be with Jesus. I don't know what is keeping her here. But I ask for prayers that whatever happens she doesn't suffer.

I also have another prayer request. I don't want to say names right now, b/c I am not sure how they would feel about that. But I have a friend that I knew from LCU that her mother has had a long battle with cancer for close to 10 years now. She has overcome so much and beat this many times. And now it is looking like she is faced with a new health battle. I received an email from another friend to ask everyone to pray so that is what I am doing now.

I really want to thank everyone who reads this and prays for me. I have learned so much about being appreciative and thankful for the wonderful and awesome support system I have. I feel so blessed that I can share things like this, and know that you all care. I can't say that I ever thought "blogging" would do that for me. I hope that you all know that you can do the same. I would want to pray for you in any way that I could if you ever needed it. Believe me, it has what has gotten me through these tough times. God bless you all!

Home Again

My Madi is home! She's been with Nathan's mom since thursday, and she just got back. I immensely enjoyed my time with Kyle. We had a lot of fun together that we normally don't get to do by ourselves, but I am so glad Madi is back. I missed her so much! I forget how much company she is to me. I think she matured by a year while she was gone! She is so grown up.

Kyle and I had a busy day. I took him to get a haircut. It was getting a little shaggy, and I don't like to buzz it in the winter. He looks so handsome now. I taught him to say "I'm hot stuff!" Then we went and opened a new bank account. They gave me a sticker to put on my car, and everytime I go to the bank I tell them I have the sticker and I get a free drink at Sonic. How cool is that? I am very impressed by details like that these days.

By the way before I forget, if you are reading this, would you at least leave a comment so that I know you stopped by? I am finding out that a lot more people have been reading this than I thought. I guess I should expect that considering this is the WORLD WIDE WEB, but I have heard a lot of people I know who read this tell me of someone who also read this, and so I am just curious to know who all is reading this. Sometimes I have mixed feelings about posting my true and honest feelings, but then at the same time I don't want to pretend. This is me, and this is what I am going through, and I have received nothing but positive response, because of my honesty, so I guess that's alright. Yes, that's alright. I don't want to be something I'm not, and if my story helps anyone in the slightest way possible, then I've done something good. But I'd still like to know who is reading this!

Anyways, well that is all for now. May God bless you!