Saturday, January 13, 2007

I have really had to learn what it means to live one day at a time. I had that title before because we had such busy lives and it was important to not get ahead of ourselves. It's funny how the same title can mean something very different. I have learned to be thankful when I lay in bed at night, and say, "thank you God for me having another day tomorrow." It is a day that puts me one day further along in this journey. And what a journey it is. I think for me that word typically implies something that your experiencing that is pleasant...that's not quite the case here.

I have had a very difficult week. I feel like I have come full circle, and now I'm starting over again. I am feeling the same emotions over and over again, but in a whole new way, and now I find myself with a whole new list of questions that have a lot of unsettling answers. It is truly maddening. I know this is yet another thing I have to work through...and I begin to wonder when I will get a break.

I know this is still all very new for me, and I have to be patient with myself, but it is truly so difficult to do that when your mind just won't stop. The questions and answers are just 24-7. And it's not as if any of the answers I get would change the situatioin. The one thing I do know is what has happened will not change. I am just so analytical. And while that can be a gift in some ways, it can be such a curse.

I had a friend describe the emotions I am feeling as very raw. How true is that. In fact I can't think of a better way to describe the emotions I have.

I am going to stay at my parents house today and tonight. My dad is coming to get us. The weather is bad here, and they don't want me driving. He was nice enough to come and get us though. I just need to get out of my house. I almost feel that this house makes it a lot harder on me. Part of me just wants to start completely over.

I don't know...I wish I had something more encouraging to report. I still know it's going to be okay, and I know that God is working in this situation...I am just really down right now, and don't know which way to go. I know I have to surround myself with good people and good things. I can't let what others say or do get me down. And most of all I can't let Satan get me down, because I know that he is the one who is really working hard right now. So I ask for prayers, and encouragement that I may see the light and once again be filled with peace. Just like every other emotion I know that will come back too, I am just a little clouded right now. Thanks to you all!


Blogger Jacinda said...

I am so sorry you're going through all of this. You will be in my prayers!

10:17 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Day by Day, prayer by will survive. Can't wait to see you next week. Soak in your family and feel the blessing that they are.

2:05 PM  
Blogger CCross said...

Every day I say a prayer for you, Madi, Kyle, and the baby. Thank God that you have a relationship with the Prince of Peace, he will give you peace when you ask. The Holy Spirit will comfort you when you are feeling crazy and alone. God holds you in his arms.

1:57 PM  
Anonymous Jenn K said...

I pray that you feel His presence. That you know that He is there constantly. Love you so much!

6:07 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

Larissa, I think you are doing so good. It has only been like a month or something, and you have the situation under so much more control that I could ever dream of.
You are just in the wakes of all this, and soon enough it will all be a faint memory.
Keep up your strength, you AMAZE me.

11:04 PM  

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