The Hammer Holds

By Bebo Norman

A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be

This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams

I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine

My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain

And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames

And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold

But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued

somehowI have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?

And the question still remains, what am I to be?

Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain

And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames

And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold

But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel

This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals

A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand

The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man
So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain

And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain

And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold

But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
This task before me may seem unclearBut it, my maker holds

I love this song...love it.

Christmas Break

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. We did. It was just really nice. We didn't do much, just stayed at my parents house and then came home Christmas night. I sleep so much better in my own bed.

I got a lot of really nice things. I know it's not about the presents, but it was a good year for me! The kids got a lot of fun stuff too. Overall we just had a nice time and now Christmas is over! It went so fast. It almost seemed like any other day that we just happened to throw in opening some gifts and cooking a turkey. But no, it was Christmas and now a new year is upon us.

I do feel a little out of sorts, just because of the Christmas break. Public school keeps my sanity in tact! It's like Saturday everyday of the week, and that's my hardest day of the week, because I have all three for an extended period of time. But we'll make it through, and really they've been doing well. I've been able to sleep until 9a.m. the last two mornings. Madi makes breakfast for her and Kyle and Mason just hangs out in his bed playing. Yes, I kind of have a little of a mess to clean up when I get up, but it's worth it to me. She knows how to start the DVD player, so they watch a movie and are generally pretty quiet. And things like that I know will only continue to get better the older they get, because they will be able to do more and more for themselves. I'm trying to get Kyle to become a little more resourceful. He wants everything done for himself! And I just cant.

Anyways, well that's what's going on around our house. Hope y'all have a great rest of the week; what's left of it!

Prayers

It's really been on my heart to post this prayer request. Sometimes I hesitate, because I don't know how people feel about being talked about on a blog, but this goes beyond that. Please keep Todd and Melissa Whitaker in your prayers. There was a really horrible wreck involving many people in Amarillo this weekend. Melissa's dad was killed and now her mother is trying to recover. Melissa is the only child and having to deal with so much, and not that any time is good to be dealing with this, but before Christmas even worse! My heart has just been so heavy for them today. Thanks.

Well I wasn't planning on blogging until after Christmas, but the mood struck me. Mostly because it's actually quiet right now. On Thursday nights I get a few hours to myself and when I came home the kids were bathed and asleep in bed by 8p.m.!!! And Nathan was the babysitter too. So for that he will earn one small point in my book. I can't hand out the points too often to him. I think that seems only fair.

Okay, well exciting news...I got an IPOD for Christmas!!!! Last night we opened presents with Colt and SuzAnne, because that was the only time it was going to work this year with them. I am way excited. It's just the shuffle, but that's what I wanted...and I'm in love. And this may make me sound like I'm 90, but I am just truly amazed at technology and how that music can fit inside that tiny thing...amazing!

This weekend is the wedding for my cousin Lyndee. My mom arranged for a lady in Slaton to keep the boys for me all weekend. I'm so glad, because Madi and I are going to be going non-stop this weekend. Tomorrow night is the rehearsal dinner, then Saturday morning is the brunch and then the wedding that night. And it's in Post...so we'll be keeping the highway hot. I'm just so glad I don't have to worry about the boys, and then maybe I won't be so tired from all the coming and going.

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Okay, so now for the second part of my post. I feel like I'm writing a church bulletin or something. You know the first part has all the news and announcements and now for the serious part. I've just really got something on my mind and like all things that make me think it's generally because of something that's happened, or something I've read, or a combination. Well in this case it's a combination of lots of things. Someone really needs to teach me how to do a permalink within my post. Please...I'll give you a dollar, or chocolate. Whichever you prefer.

Anyways, in class on Sunday we were talking about how things are always changing. Nothing is ever the same. And maybe that's a problem I have. I always expect them to stay the way they are. I think we all think that. It just seems logical that they would. Especially if things are good. However, none of us are immune to things changing. Jobs change, people die, people get divorced, people move...we're constantly in a new state all the time. And when those things happen we don't understand. We want to understand. (This is the part where I need a permalink for a blog I read) Would we want to know what God is thinking? Would we want to know what God's next move is? I sat and thought about that for a long time, and I thought, "yes I would!" I want to know what the outcome will be. I can't even keep myself from opening all my Christmas presents and I'm almost 30...of course I want to know!!! Does that make me wrong? And after some more thought, I realized something. It's not about knowing...it's about trusting. Do I trust God enough with my life that no matter what happens and no matter what His next move is that I'm taken care of. That is what it boils down to...for me anyways.

I mean 13 months ago if God had told me what was going to happen what would I have thought? Would I have trusted Him enough to know that He would have taken care of my every need? I don't know, I think I would have been so stuck on the thought of that happening to me that I wouldn't have been able to focus on anything else. Instead God forces me to stretch myself everyday. He challenges my faith everyday. And in so many ways...I mean in so many ways. He challenges me to raise my kids right, to be an example, to be a moral person, to trust that I will have food on my table and gas in my car, to have a roof over my head, and that I will be able to love again. And that's a big one for me...I was actually thinking about this today. I have a fear that there isn't anyone out there that has the high morals that I have, and I have a fear of lowering my morals for someone I shouldn't. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all things guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of Life"...it is an everyday battle to do that. And I don't think that applies to just single people, we all have to guard our hearts against a number of things. And you know, I know that God is in control and that's something I shouldn't worry about it, but sometimes more than others, it's hard not to. Just thought I'd be honest with what I'm feeling.

To me I guess the bottom line is that God is always opening doors...always. And sometimes those doors lead to other doors. Sometimes the door that is initially opened doesn't mean that that's always going to be the door I'm standing in. Someday that door may close and lead me to another door, but I have to remember that at the end of the day He's still taking care of me...always has. So why would I doubt Him now? I don't doubt Him, in fact more than ever I trust Him. I don't think I have an alternative. Good gravy...if I don't have my faith, then I seriously have NOTHING. God has a way of working all things out, even the mountains in my life that some days I still question. I have to believe though and lean not on my own understanding. I'll get there...but only with Him.

Merry Christmas from all of us!

I think they turned out well, even though it was a rough time. Merry Christmas to you all! Love you all!

365 Days and My 100

Okay, so without being dramatic, tomorrow it will be one year since my life completely changed. I don't want to reflect about a year ago at this time, but more just reflect on how far I've come and where I'm going. I'm not sad, just in complete awe of how much one can change. And honestly I have a huge sense of relief that I've made it one year! I have been waiting for this day for a long time! I almost feel like I've been running a marathon and at the same time I feel like I still could run a marathon. I just have so much energy. Maybe that makes sense, maybe it doesn't.

I have never been so glad in all my life to be at a milestone. And not that anything big is going to happen now, but it's just all part of that continual process of closure that that takes place. I'll even be happier when 2007 is over!

So anyways, I've been saving "My 100" for a rainy day. Some of these things I knew about myself and some I discovered over the last year. I've been working on this since June I think. Finally, it's done. It's a great homework assignment for those of you who want to get to know yourself a little better. Enjoy!

My 100
1. My birthday is March 23, 1978.
2. I was born in Post, Texas.
3. My middle name is Lee.
4. My name is pronounced Laresa. My parents probably should have spelt it Larisa, so that people wouldn’t constantly say it wrong.
5. My dad’s middle name is Lee. So is my uncle Max’s, and so is Mason’s.
6. I have lived in Texas, New Mexico, and Montana.
7. I graduated from Sharyland High School, which is in Mission, Tx.
8. I hated high school.
9. I went to ACU for one semester and hated it.
10. I transferred to LCU and loved it.
11. My parents and older sister all graduated from LCU too. My younger sister is going back in the spring.
12. I have two sisters; one older and one who is 9 ½ years younger.
13. I’m the nice sister. They both know it too.
14. My eyes are hazel. When I was little, I thought they were weird, because they looked like cat eyes. I didn’t like them. But now that I’m older I like my eyes. They change colors.
15. I have a birthmark on my left cheek. I don’t even notice it anymore. I cover it with makeup. A dermatologist wanted to remove it at one time, but it’s just not that big of a deal to me. You can really only see it when I’m tired and when I don’t have make-up on.
16. I love coffee. I could drink it anytime of day.
17. I love Starbucks/Daybreak/any coffee shop.
18. I love diet coke. I didn’t use to. It became something I started enjoying after Mason was born.
19. I don’t like cats.
20. I’m also highly allergic to cats. I can’t be in the room with them for more than a couple of hours without my inhaler or I won’t be breathing!
21. I really want a boxer, but I’m waiting until Mason is potty trained first.
22. I don’t like talking on the phone.
23. People who talk incessantly drive me crazy!
24. I love Vegas! I’ve been 4 times and I really, really hope that in 2008 I can go back.
25. I will be 30 in 2008.
26. My ears are pierced just once.
27. I have two tattoos. They’re both pretty small.
28. If I could go back, I wouldn’t have gotten them, but oh well. I don’t lose sleep over it.
29. I love being a mom!
30. Madi was born 4-4-02 and she was due on 4-2-02.
31. Kyle was born on 8-4-04 and was due on 8-21-04.
32. Mason was born on 5-20-07 and was due 6-16-07.
33. I loved the name Madelyn for a long time. The other name I had picked out for her was Sydnee.
34. Kyle was named after Nathan’s best friend that was killed in a car wreck just after his senior year of high school. His name was Kyle Wood. Jackson (his middle name) is after my dad, Jack.
35. Mason, I picked myself. I loved that name. Nathan didn’t like it.
36. Nathan wanted to name him Kutter. Which I think is HORRIBLE! Kutter Davis to be exact.
37. I loved being a wife.
38. I had an epidural for all three of my children, but with Mason it didn’t work. Other than that, I had great deliveries…very fast and easy.
39. I never had one inkling of a desire to have natural child birth. None…please give me drugs.
40. I had my gallbladder out 4 months after Madi was born. Who knew that such a little thing could cause a person so much pain? I thought I was dying. No, I’m not kidding either. It’s a toss up for me between which is worse, labor or gall bladder pain. They’re both pretty intense.
41. I broke my arm roller skating when I was in the 5th grade. Actually my crush, Jarod Wilhite, broke my arm.
42. I’ve broken my baby toe more times than I can count.
43. I’m afraid of the dark. It doesn’t cause me problems, but I just prefer lighted areas.
44. I will not say “bloody Mary” in the mirror…or Candy Man for that matter.
45. I really don’t like scary movies. I just get too scared.
46. You couldn’t pay me enough money to bungee jump. I would have a panic attack I’m just sure of it.
47. I’m early everywhere I go. If I’m a minute early, I feel like I’m late. Even with three kids I manage to be early. I don’t know how I do it!
48. I love taking naps. If I could take one every day I would.
49. I have been known to laugh so hard that I’ve peed my pants. Not often, but I will admit to that happening. I attribute that to a jovial personality, and not urinary incontinence.
50. I love Sex and the City. I know it’s bad, but it’s my guilty pleasure.
51. I’m a Charlotte.
52. I don’t use a remote. I have discovered recently that apparently that is odd to other people. I don’t have cable. I watch like one channel. And besides if you get up and change the channel yourself, you burn an extra 90 calories an hour. You do what you got to do to get the workout in. 53. I don’t watch t.v. hardly at all anymore.
54. I love working with the elderly. Sometimes they can be challenging. If you can’t work with kids, then you really can’t work with the elderly. Sometimes they are like spoiled brats, and you think they should know better, but sometimes they can’t help it.
55. I love LOST!
56. I’ve almost drowned twice. My dad saved me once, and SuzAnne saved me another time.
57. I do know how to swim, pretty well too. That was just before I had taken lessons.
58. I enjoy college football.
59. I’ve grown up Church of Christ all my life, but I’m not very conservative like C of C is stereotypically known for. I could fit in a lot of places.
60. Politically I’ve become a little more liberal, and I say a little. I’m pretty conservative, but I believe that’s because of everything I’ve gone through in the last year. My views on certain issues have changed some…things like Medicaid, CHIPS, public assistance, etc…
61. I believe there are people who truly need those things, and for those people I believe they should be able to take advantage of programs like the above mentioned. However, I have a huge problem with people who abuse the system and believe that they are “owed” those things, simply by being a citizen of this country.
62. I’m not ready for a woman president.
63. I love office supplies. You can never have too many!
64. I’m pretty laid back.
65. I do love spending time with friends and family. That is my most favorite thing to do.
66. I have a pretty large extended family that I am very close to.
67. Growing up with my cousins, we were all more like brothers and sisters.
68. I have the absolute best memories of spending time with my cousins at my grandparent’s house.
69. I also have the best memories of spending time at my Mema’s house.
70. We would make such a mess at their house, but they were all just so patient. I don’t know how they didn’t kill us for some of the things we did!
71. I love gymnastics. I took it when I was little and loved it!
72. I cried at the 1996 Olympics when Kerri Strug broke her leg. It was very moving to me!
73. I cried when the Women’s Team was awarded the Gold medal.
74. I’m pretty patriotic.
75. Hearing the National Anthem being sung can move me to tears. There’s just something about hearing people come together and sing that song. We may all have different political views and come from different walks of life, but we are all part of this great country.
76. I’m emotional, can you tell? But not overly emotional. I’m just very in touch with my feelings. I cry for all those hard hearted people out there who can’t seem to shed a tear for anything!
77. People who don’t pull over for ambulances drive me crazy. Show some respect!
78. I love Christmas!!!
79. Thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday.
80. I am a morning person.
81. I turn into a pumpkin about 9 p.m. If I don’t get it done before then, chances are it isn’t happening.
82. I love to dance…not the club kind of dancing. I’m pretty clueless there. I love choreographed stuff…ballet, tap, jazz.
83. My first car was a 1987 Chrysler New Yorker. I don’t think they make cars that long anymore. But she had a great engine, and we could pack so many people in there.
84. A girl ran into me at the 7-11 parking lot, and I was able to trade that beauty in for my little red Mitsubishi Eclipse. Oh how I loved that car!!!
85. Now, I drive a mini-van. Although this vehicle makes my life easier right now, I want an SUV. I used to have an SUV, and I miss it. I just don’t feel nearly as cool driving the mini. I realize my self-esteem shouldn’t be wrapped up in my car. I mean I am cool with or without the mini-van, I just want an SUV.
86. If money wasn’t an object I would get a GMC Acadia, or an Escalade.
87. Although this is really far away, I am planning a trip to Disney world with the kids in 4 years. That is if God hasn’t come back before then. I’m sure I’ll be happier in heaven. Even though I hear Disney world is pretty cool.
88. I think people who plan ahead that far in advance are ridiculous. Yes, there is a need to plan ahead, but mine is more of a goal. Who knows what any of us will be doing in 4 years!?!
89. I like lists.
90. I am great at analyzing, however, people who over analyze drive me crazy! Chill out!!!
91. I love to people watch. I’d be a millionaire if it actually paid.
92. I hate it when people wait for your parking space when you’re unloading groceries. I will purposely go slow just to make you wait. Especially those people who start waiting as soon as you get to your car. I have groceries and three kids to unload; I need a while and I will make you wait until I’m good and ready to leave.
93. This very thing happened to me yesterday, and I walked extra slow while returning my cart.
94. I love music.
95. I love the fall and spring. When each season comes around I can’t decide which one I like better.
96. I like my handwriting.
97. I love make-up.
98. I’m letting my hair grow out. The first time in 10 years!
99. I love going to church.

100. I have discovered that God made me a lot tougher than I ever thought possible. I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Reason #2 Why I don't want to go to Hell

We all have our own personal hell sometimes and I've said before that my personal hell is perpetual moving. I've lived in 4 houses this year. Moving to me is hell, and I'm pretty sure that moving is all they do down under. Well the list now has a number two. Family pictures with children 5 and under. Yes, that's right, it was hell. I had everything planned just as so and we went and picked Madi up from school and came home to get our clothes on. There was no way we could get dressed early, because you know someone is going to spill something. Well I was a little flustered getting there, because Madi and Kyle started getting grouchy, which was not on the schedule, so it kind of threw me off. Well you know they weren't bad, they were just kids...ages 5 and under. So no I wasn't mad, I was just flustered. We never could get one of the three kids together, because Mason had just had enough. He was ready for a nap. But we did get some really good family pics and individual shots too. When I get them I will post them. The family pic of all us was what was most important to me, so I'm glad those turned out nice.

Ya know I've discovered a few things about myself recently. God gave me a really good sense of humor and a laid back attitude for a reason...so that I can survive all of this. Those are two things that are essential to my success. I wanted everything to be so perfect today and it wasn't by far. But I have to just laugh about it and go on. Of course I did cry first, but now I'm laughing. It just exhausted me.

I don't know if you read my sister's comment on my last post. I hope no one is disappointed that we didn't take the donkey for the pictures. I figured the last thing we needed in that studio was a barn animal. My sister is a jokester, and I think the pregnancy hormones make her a little bit funnier too. She's been cracking me up especially lately.

Yeah so hell for me would probably be a little something like getting family pictures with all my kids ages 5 and under. And since in ten years I'll have a total of 8 kids, and they'll all be 5 and under too. This is my personal hell, so it can be whatever I want. Then we'll all go move into a new house. I'm pretty sure we'll also stop by Wal-mart, oh and I'll still be a single mom in hell, so I'll be alone with 8 kids, ages 5 and under. Not only that but we will only need one thing and we'll get stuck behind a lady who is checking out in the express lane with three hundred things in her cart. And on top of that her debit card won't work when she's checking out. :) :) :) That's all I got on that for now.

Well tomorrow I've got a family party and then my class at church is having their party. The older two are staying the night at mom and dad's house. I'm taking Mason to the party with me. It's the single parents class, so most people bring their kids. I've never brought my kids to anything. Mostly because I like to try to have free time when I have things like that to do, but I really wanted to bring Mason with me. He's been so great lately and I've kind of become really attached to him. I think I see now why the babies of the family get so spoiled.

It's been an eventful week, even since my last post. I'm kind of feeling a little introverted right now about some things and that's mostly because I'm just reflecting on a lot. I haven't really come to any big conclusions, but I'm getting there. God has given me a lot to think about and many reasons to just relax. Man, satan loves me. Oh he wishes he could have me, because I would be so much fun for him. And that's where I'm having to make a choice. Which road? I really think though that God rewards obedience and discipline. I'm getting there, slowly but surely. No one ever said this was a race though, finishing is what is important. And besides that I do not want to move or take family pictures with my 8 children, ages 5 and under anytime soon. So no, satan you cannot have me.

Busy and other things!

Man, tomorrow is Thursday! Once again I have a week where I have been so busy, but I'm not sure what all I've been doing. Well except for today. I had two appointments this morning. One for Mason and one for Kyle. No one is sick, just different stuff. Mason has to go once a month and get an vaccination for RSV. This is the third month we've done it. It is a series of seven shots. There is no guarantee that he won't get it, but it works like the flu vaccination. It is supposed to make the symptoms much lighter. All preemie babies qualify to get it. I think he can even get it next winter too. I am thankful that he is able to get that.

We're getting pictures done on Friday. It's kind of a weird thought that we're doing family pictures without Nathan. I guess I could ask him if he wanted to come along, but I think that might even be more weird. Oh well...what can I do? Nothing. We just do it and get it done. I think they're all going to turn out really pretty. Madi is wearing her flowergirl dress and it's soooo pretty. And we're all coordinating with that. It's red and black.

Has anyone else been getting those alumni emails about updating their info with LCU? Well I got one today, and I updated it. And then it said something about uploading a photo, which I didn't want to do. Or you could write a favorite memory...I didn't have time to think about that one. And then there was the option to answer 4 questions. One of the questions was what event from LCU has impacted your life the most? Or something like that. Well I jokingly wrote chapel. Those of you who know me, know I didn't take anything away from chapel, because I never went. Well then it says, "thanks for filling this out, it will be published in the new alumni book." Published? I didn't intend for that to get published. Oh well, I got a pretty good laugh.

All in all things are good. The kids have been doing great. I'm so proud of them, Madi especially. We still have struggles, but she is making the decision to make good choices. Which makes my life easier. Kyle is his usual chatter box self. I have never seen someone talk sooo much. I mean sun up to sun down. Today we were at Wal-mart and he said, "mom I lub you, you're incredible." Awww sooo sweet. Mason gained over a pound in one week today when they weighed him. He is eating like an animal. He ate a whole jar of bananas, 1/2 a jar of green beans and then had a whole bottle! His personality has just lit up...he is so much fun.

I'm doing alright. I've been highly emotional lately. A lot of people say it's because of the holidays and maybe it is. I don't really know. I'm just trying to ride through it. It has been almost a year and for some reason that "date" just kind of eludes me. I have missed Nathan so much lately, and not the Nathan I see now. The one I was married to. That is one of the really crappy things about divorce. When someone dies you grieve their death. When you divorce someone they teach you to grieve the death of the marriage, the death of the dream, but I also grieved the death of Nathan, b/c truly the person I knew has died. The problem is that he is still in my life. So just when you thought you've grieved that loss, in he walks in my front door. It's rather confusing. Well I've missed the old Nathan a lot and there's not a whole lot I can do about that. I know there isn't a time frame on when you should be at a certain point in your healing, but man I just am starting to wonder if I'm ever going to completely heal. I really think I will, I sure hope so anyways, but time and God are the only two things that will help. I'm pretty hard on myself sometimes and I'm trying to lighten up and let myself get through this. I always do and I know this isn't an exception. It just stinks. I used to judge time by saying, "well today is better than yesterday, then I would say this week is better than last week, this month was better than last" So I suppose the same will be for this new year. It will be better than the last. One thing I have learned lately came from the Casting Crowns song, "East to West"...the line, "I can't live by what I feel." No, I can't. What I feel right now is not what I know, and everything I know is that God is in control. My feelings of sadness and hurt can't control me. I read a quote from Max Lucado. "Not only has he read your story, but He wrote it." That is so true, and I think that my story is just beginning to be written. My past isn't story, my future is. So as always, I know these things...I just have to keep believing and having hope and faith in all of this.

Anyways, well I have gone on long enough...it will get better. It always does. I hope y'all are having a good week, and staying warm! I'm freezing!!!

This past week...

Enjoying some peas for dinner.

This is a typical pic of the kids, for Madi and Kyle anyways. Madi has chili on her face. Kyle is naked and that is his usual smile. The minute we step in the door he strips down to his underwear. He is all boy!!!

This is the angel. I'm a little disappointed, because the picture doesn't do her justice. You can't see how she lights up. Take my word for it, it is simply breathtaking.

Sheila, Chrissy, and I with the donkey.
Jennifer and SuzAnne being silly...shock, I know. They were pretending they were getting married with their champagne glasses.

Mason sucks on the exact same two fingers that I did when I was a baby. Even the same hand. He won't even touch his left hand. Isn't that so strange?

I thought I'd take a little time to update. We're all good here. The house is pretty quiet right now. Madi and Kyle are at my parents house for the night. So it's just Mason and I. We don't have any big plans. Just a quiet night at the house. It's too cold to get out!!!

It's been a pretty busy week, I just can't think of what all I did. I did have my "bachelorette" party on Thursday. That was a lot of fun. Sheila cooked dinner and we just all sat around and talked. See, I told you it would be tame. By 8:30 most of us were yawning. But Sheila did a lot to make it fun. She got champagne glasses and sparkling white grape juice for us all to make a toast. She made a big banner and the funniest thing was the donkey that she made. We were supposed to play pin the tale on the donkey, which coincidentally had a name tag on it with a certain someones name, but we never got around to it. It sure was cute though. We were sitting there eating and there was music playing in the background and finally after about 10 minutes I put it together that she was playing my play list from my blog. I had to defend myself, that I am not ghetto. Just because I do like some hip hop doesn't make me ghetto. I like to think of myself as cultured. I like a lot of everything. I even like country, but I didn't want it on my play list. That's just too much of a stretch to have "Song of the South" playing next to Rihanna. I think anyways. I could have also added Tupac and AC/DC, but I refrained from doing so. The hip hop just reflects my inner desire to be a dancer. Maybe that will be one of new hobbies. They offer hip hop at my gym, but you have to pay extra to take it. I'm not going to do that now, but maybe sometime. I think it would be a lot of fun.

Anyways, so enough about my music. This week looks to be pretty busy as well. Isn't every week before Christmas that way? I'm trying not to get caught up in all the hype and doing pretty well I think, there's just always so much to be done. My goal this week is to get Christmas pictures done. I've been saying that for weeks now, I just need to set the appointment so that I'll be committed to it. The next two weekends are going to be pretty full. I have two Christmas parties next Saturday and the following weekend is Lyndee's wedding, so Madi and I won't even be at home all weekend. And then Christmas will be here!!!

I'm not going all out for the kids, partly because I can't, but also it's just not necessary. Fortunately they're still pretty young and don't know any difference, but I really want them to learn more about Christmas than the presents themselves. I know every parent says that, at least I think they do, but some of the things that kids get for Christmas are just ridiculous. I mean if I don't have an IPod, then my kid is certainly not getting one. That's just my opinion.

Well I better go...since I only have one child who isn't mobile I'd better get some things done! Have a great week.

Holiday Cheer

Tomorrow it Thursday! This week has just flown by! Monday was Mason's doctor appointment. He had to get all the yucky 6 month shots. He kind of had a rough day because of it, but is doing better. He is now in the 30% for weight, which is a huge improvement from his 4 month appointment where he was only at the 10% percentile. And he is staying pretty steady at the 48% percentile for height. Kyle was always at the 97-98% for height. He still is pretty tall. He looks like he wears high waters all the time, because what will stay up at his waist is too short for his legs.

Mason is doing great though and I'm so glad! She did start him on Zyrtec to see is part of his nose issues that we seem to have about ever 3-4 weeks are allergy related. It should be no surprise, because he is after all related to me. Which by the way, I have another cold!

Today my dad came up and took me, Kyle and Mason to get a new tree. I did have a tree, but in a fit of anger last year I had my dad throw it in the dumpster, lights and all. I took off the decorations that were important, but the rest is history. I thought about donating it to Concho or something, but I thought there was a curse on it or something. So I didn't want anyone to have it. I wanted to get a real tree this year, but it was just going to be too much of a pain. So I got a fake one, and hopefully next year I can put it up in another room in the house and get a real one for the living room. I am one of those people who loves a tree in every room, so hopefully my collection will start soon.

My parents came over tonight and I made soup and we decorated the tree. My mom and Madi went and bought a tree topper for it. I told her I wanted something gold. I am generally a bow kind of person for a tree topper, and then a star kind of person next. Well Madi was the one who picked out the tree topper. She was so excited to surprise me with what she had picked out. It is a gold angel, and a fiber optic one at that. In case you don't know what that means; she changes colors. And my oh my let me tell you that is just beautiful. In case your sensing a little sarcasm, you are right. However, that angel will provide me with many great memories for years to come. I will always look at it and think of Madi. That is part of the reason I love this time of year so much. I'm also going to make a new Christmas tree skirt. I probably won't get it completely done until next Christmas, but I'm going to start it this year. I want to put all of our handprints on it with fabric paint and put the year on it. It is a memory I want to remember for years to come...me and my kids.

We all had a great time tonight. The whole family was here. We ate, decorated, roasted marshmallows in the fire my dad built. I think my dad and the kids even sang a Christmas song. Now the kids are in bed and I can sit and enjoy the tree and left over fire!

I was thinking the other day that Christmas is really the reason why I decided that I wanted a third child. I was great with two. We had a boy and girl and that seemed perfect. But then there was the whole thing about a bigger family and your kids coming home at Christmas from college, and then when they get married and have kids, and so on and so on that made me want a third. Mason has been a great third! Minus the few health problems he's had, he is so laid back and sweet. I could just hug him to pieces!

Speaking of big families, I took this myspace survey the other day. "Where will you be in 10 years?" It said I would be married with 8 kids. HA! Not if my uterus has anything to do with it! It has gone into retirement! I'm not against dating someone with kids, but 5 children will not be coming out of my body. I'm pretty sure that would be the end of me, or whoever the guy was that I married. That made me laugh.

I added a new link...it's Cheri's new blog!!! I'm so glad she joined blog land with the rest of us. She is one of my best buds.

Anyways, well I hope you're all having a good week. I'll take some pictures soon of my tree so that I can showcase my beautiful fiber optic angel. I know you're all going to be jealous, but don't worry I think you can find one just like her at the local dollar store. :)

Holiday Happenings 2007

I really had to think about this one, not because I don’t have many good memories of Christmas. Just the opposite; I have so many! I don’t remember Christmas ever being a sad time…well okay, just as soon as I said that I thought to myself, “well except for last Christmas.” Okay, clarification there, last Christmas was the most god awful Christmas of my life. Chances are if your spouse leaves the week before Christmas, the holidays might be a little somber…to say the least. HOWEVER, other than that, Christmas has been a very joyous occasion.
I think of this story that comes up EVERY year at Christmas. You know how when you’re with your family and it’s your birthday and your mom says, “well twenty nine years ago I was fat and unhappy.” Well this story goes a little like that, except I wasn’t born that year. But every Christmas Eve someone says, “Larissa, remember that Christmas…” Really, how can I forget?
It was the year I was 21. I had my tonsils out right after my last semester final at LCU. The procedure went great and I was healing really well. You always hear these bad stories about adults having difficulties healing from having their tonsils out. Well up until that point I had been doing great. I was about 2 weeks post op and I was staying at my parent’s house for the Christmas break. Christmas Eve day I just wasn’t feeling myself. I didn’t shower, which is very uncharacteristic of me. I shower every day, sometimes twice. I didn’t do my hair and all day I wore this ugly sweat suit of my mothers. I had absolutely no energy at all. Basically I looked like butt all day. That evening Colt and SuzAnne came through town. They weren’t married yet and I hadn’t been around Colt all that much. I even remember him asking if I was alright. It was very clear that something was wrong with me. Well that night I couldn’t sleep. I went into the bathroom and looked in my throat and saw that it was bleeding, and I was a little concerned. By 2 weeks you shouldn’t be bleeding anymore. I went and told my dad and he said to go to talk to mom, who was already in bed. Now mind you, my mother is a nurse. I go in there and she takes a flashlight and looks down my throat. Just about that time I start feeling really queasy. I ran to her bathroom sink, because I couldn’t make it to the toilet, and threw up. I had to keep my eyes closed, because it was so disgusting. I was puking up old clotted blood and lots of it. And it was coming out with some vengeance. (Sorry…it’s gross…but it’s my story) I start yelling at my mom, because I was a little frantic at the sight. I look over at her and I thought she was taking a nap. No, my mother, the nurse passed out. Finally she comes to, and we get my dad. We head to the emergency room in Lubbock. I was really anxious to get there, but my dad; Mr. NRA, Mr. Right wing Conservative, Mr. Obey all the laws of the land; was going the exact speed limit. Ya know, I’m pretty sure we would get an excuse if we got stopped. Probably even a police escort. But no, with his hands at ten and two, we eventually got there. I didn’t even put shoes on. I walk into the doors holding onto a trashcan that I had been using on the way up there, and I was really expecting a scene from ER. I’m looking around for Dr. Kovach or Dr. Lockhardt to help me, because I’m still a little bit freaked out. It was nothing like that. Fortunately, I did get to skip triage and go straight back. They had to keep me until I could get throwing up to see if I was going to stop bleeding, and it did. Sometime early in the morning they let us go home. On the way home I got sick again, and oh I was dreading it. I was so afraid I was going to rupture my throat. No, it was just left over cheese ball that I had been eating earlier in the day. Needless to say, I have never been able to eat that cheese ball again. My mother makes it every year at Christmas, and someone says, “Hey Larissa, want some cheese ball…hee, hee, hee.” I look back and laugh at the story now. It truly was a memorable Christmas!

Happy Holidays!!!!

Winter and Spring

A new week is here. Not a whole lot has happened, just most of the day to day operations. My five year old just came in here, who is supposed to be in bed by the way, upset because her cross necklace that she got from church is broken. I told her I would fix it in the morning. She got upset, because now she's not protected. She is quite possibly the most dramatic person I know. I don't know where she gets, it because I'm not like that at all. And I'm not being sarcastic. I blame her father of course, because he's the easy target and I also blame her aunts. She's the spitting image of SuzAnne and Jenny. I can't remember if I told this story or not, but a few weeks ago she said she was going to sit outside. I was watching her from the front window and I see her sitting out on the sidewalk in a chair and holding up something when cars would drive by. I asked her what she was doing. She tells me that she's selling post-it notes, for free. She then came in and got a wash cloth. She was trying to sell it for $5. That is so something that SuzAnne would try to do. I can't tell you about the countless number of "craft" stores she would start. And the crafts she would make were horrible. She tried to make a hammock out of toilet paper. Needless to say, it didn't work.

This past week and this weekend I have to admit have been hard. Things really have hit me. It's been in a different way, but I don't know it's just been kind of odd. This morning in class, since I go to a single parents class that is primarily made up of parents who are divorced, I asked if that was normal and if they too felt that way after the divorce was final. Unanimously they all said when the divorce was final it just snuck up on them in a way they didn't expect. They all thought they would be happy and then one lady said she found herself in the closet crying. So, I do feel better knowing that what I am feeling is completely normal. I think what is different for me during this time is that I know that I can make it through this. Where 11 months ago I was just going through this for the first time. I'm getting better at this whole trusting God thing and knowing that this is a season right now. Although I do get down, I know without a doubt that God is in control. He will see me through and it's not just a matter of me saying that to myself so that I can convince myself; I know that it's true.

I think that I am still even more in a season on self-discovery. And I'm going to do my best to pursue that. I'm trying to think of some hobby, or something that would be good for me to just kind of do for myself. It's hard sometimes because I do have time constraints being a single mom of three children, but at the same time it's important for me to take care of myself. You know what they say on the airplane. Put the oxygen mask on yourself, then your kids. So, I'm really going to start thinking of some things that I might look into. I have no idea what they might be yet, but just looking is a start.

I'm also really trying to study the Bible more. I know that the more I throw myself in God's word the better off I will be. I really started doing that last night, and already I am feeling better.

It's just a matter of time and focus on the right things. I look at the approaching winter and I love the winter, for a while. Then like most people I love the spring. The spring brings me such absolute joy. Not only because of the warmer weather, but the symbolism of the new life and new beginning. I kind of see this winter and spring as the same way. I am surely thankful for already being through my first winter, because that was really hard. And I think I will probably see "winter" some of this winter too. However, I sure look forward to this spring and I also look forward to the spring in my life. Because it's there, and I know it. And truly the simple thought of it puts a smile on my face.

But I'm not sure what is more depressing, this divorce or the fact that I plucked 2 gray hairs out of my head this morning. Ohhhh, I don't like that one bit. I thought that you weren't supposed to get gray hair at least until you were 35. I'm only 29. This bothers me. It's time to get the hair highlighted again.

So anyways, that's what is going on with us. Mason goes for his 6 month appointment tomorrow. And other than that, not a whole lot is going on! I will post my "Holiday Happening" tomorrow for Jenni's bloggy carnival. Have a great week!