Busy and other things!

Man, tomorrow is Thursday! Once again I have a week where I have been so busy, but I'm not sure what all I've been doing. Well except for today. I had two appointments this morning. One for Mason and one for Kyle. No one is sick, just different stuff. Mason has to go once a month and get an vaccination for RSV. This is the third month we've done it. It is a series of seven shots. There is no guarantee that he won't get it, but it works like the flu vaccination. It is supposed to make the symptoms much lighter. All preemie babies qualify to get it. I think he can even get it next winter too. I am thankful that he is able to get that.

We're getting pictures done on Friday. It's kind of a weird thought that we're doing family pictures without Nathan. I guess I could ask him if he wanted to come along, but I think that might even be more weird. Oh well...what can I do? Nothing. We just do it and get it done. I think they're all going to turn out really pretty. Madi is wearing her flowergirl dress and it's soooo pretty. And we're all coordinating with that. It's red and black.

Has anyone else been getting those alumni emails about updating their info with LCU? Well I got one today, and I updated it. And then it said something about uploading a photo, which I didn't want to do. Or you could write a favorite memory...I didn't have time to think about that one. And then there was the option to answer 4 questions. One of the questions was what event from LCU has impacted your life the most? Or something like that. Well I jokingly wrote chapel. Those of you who know me, know I didn't take anything away from chapel, because I never went. Well then it says, "thanks for filling this out, it will be published in the new alumni book." Published? I didn't intend for that to get published. Oh well, I got a pretty good laugh.

All in all things are good. The kids have been doing great. I'm so proud of them, Madi especially. We still have struggles, but she is making the decision to make good choices. Which makes my life easier. Kyle is his usual chatter box self. I have never seen someone talk sooo much. I mean sun up to sun down. Today we were at Wal-mart and he said, "mom I lub you, you're incredible." Awww sooo sweet. Mason gained over a pound in one week today when they weighed him. He is eating like an animal. He ate a whole jar of bananas, 1/2 a jar of green beans and then had a whole bottle! His personality has just lit up...he is so much fun.

I'm doing alright. I've been highly emotional lately. A lot of people say it's because of the holidays and maybe it is. I don't really know. I'm just trying to ride through it. It has been almost a year and for some reason that "date" just kind of eludes me. I have missed Nathan so much lately, and not the Nathan I see now. The one I was married to. That is one of the really crappy things about divorce. When someone dies you grieve their death. When you divorce someone they teach you to grieve the death of the marriage, the death of the dream, but I also grieved the death of Nathan, b/c truly the person I knew has died. The problem is that he is still in my life. So just when you thought you've grieved that loss, in he walks in my front door. It's rather confusing. Well I've missed the old Nathan a lot and there's not a whole lot I can do about that. I know there isn't a time frame on when you should be at a certain point in your healing, but man I just am starting to wonder if I'm ever going to completely heal. I really think I will, I sure hope so anyways, but time and God are the only two things that will help. I'm pretty hard on myself sometimes and I'm trying to lighten up and let myself get through this. I always do and I know this isn't an exception. It just stinks. I used to judge time by saying, "well today is better than yesterday, then I would say this week is better than last week, this month was better than last" So I suppose the same will be for this new year. It will be better than the last. One thing I have learned lately came from the Casting Crowns song, "East to West"...the line, "I can't live by what I feel." No, I can't. What I feel right now is not what I know, and everything I know is that God is in control. My feelings of sadness and hurt can't control me. I read a quote from Max Lucado. "Not only has he read your story, but He wrote it." That is so true, and I think that my story is just beginning to be written. My past isn't story, my future is. So as always, I know these things...I just have to keep believing and having hope and faith in all of this.

Anyways, well I have gone on long enough...it will get better. It always does. I hope y'all are having a good week, and staying warm! I'm freezing!!!