Just Breathe...

I'm feeling a lot better. I think the anticipation has really been the hardest part. So much has been leading up to this point, so it just kind of makes me nervous. And really I see more people around me bothered by what I am having to do, than myself. I ate dinner with my mom last night and she got teary just talking about it. She said she hates having to see her daughter go through this. I don't blame her, I wouldn't want one of my kids to have to go through this either. Especially when they have been there for me through thick and thin the last year. They've seen the good, bad, and the VERY, VERY UGLY that not everyone else gets to see. I have a really, really large family on both sides and divorce on both sides is not something that has really touched many of us. Not like the statistics show anyways.

I am so thankful though that since the kids have come back things have been really good. I was nervous about them coming home, because you know how when the kids are gone sometimes it takes a while to transition back into your routines. Well, they have just done spectacular! It has not been stressful at all. I think maybe I am really starting to see the fruits of my hard labor and man how refreshing that is! I think back to the summer when I was just trying to survive and not kill my children; we have come a longggggg way!!!! Madi really seems to be doing good in school. Her teacher told me that I really need to be proud of her, and I am. I think she is doing better at expressing herself appropriately. She still has her moments, but she has just come leaps and bounds.

Anyways, well I just wanted to report. I know without a doubt it's going to be fine tomorrow. And that is me being honest. I have complete peace now about it all. From what I understand it's a very informal process, as sad as that is. I don't even have to have an appointment. We're just showing up early before the judges go to docket (sp?) at 9. You don't even have to go to the judge from your court. Anyone can do it.

And I think after it's all said and done I will have a "what now" feeling. I don't know what now...but really and truly I will be glad to be done. Wow...what a difference a year can make. Crazy...Crazy...Crazy. I'm just kind of dumbfounded. Well like I said last time; it is what it is! This time that's okay. I need this.