Thursday, November 15, 2007

Love and other things

***Before I start, I'd like to have a public service announcement and apologize about one of the songs on my play list. I did not realize that Kanye West's song was incredibly dirty. My little sister pointed that out to me. I actually listened to the words a couple of times. Oh my goodness, I feel violated just listening to it. I sound like a teenager by saying I just liked the beat, but it's true. However, I just can't listen to it anymore. I should have known better. I don't actually like Kanye West. I think him and Rosie O'Donnell need to be dropped off on a island somewhere...possibly near Hilary Clinton. Anyways, but this song was so catchy to me. Well no more. I will have it off my playlist very soon. And a word to the wise; if you've never listened to the words, don't. Just trust's VERY bad. Dirty, dirty boy!!!***

Okay, now to what my real topic is. This may be the abbreviated version. I've got a little time now. I think...unless I'm forgetting something. Which is very possible. I have been sooooo busy with work. Which is a GREAT thing, but man it's been a stressful week. I've got 4 loans that all want to close before Thanksgiving, and then two after. AND, AND, AND I did my first loan application on Tuesday. And it's not just the application I'm excited about, but it is possibly a relationship (professional relationship to clarify there) that I would like to grow.

So anyways...I'm ready for a break though. My mother in law is coming on Monday to pick up ALL THREE kids and take them back with her for a WHOLE WEEK! Oh I'm just going to go crazy!!! Yeah, you know buy me a pack of gummy bears, diet coke, and People Magazine. My definition of crazy these days is a little tame...but just fine with me. That sounds so heavenly right now!

Which I still haven't got to my topic yet, I'm working on it. Okay, well thanks for what all you said. I love it that new people commented!!!! Thanks so much~ you all really, really inspire me! And each of you gave me something new to think about. It's a topic close to my heart partly because I think about my marriage, and I think about what I want in the future. There are times when I've felt silly even thinking about it. Thinking about it makes you feel like that's what you're looking for, and right now that's not what I'm really looking for. However, I've also found that being prepared is an essential key to everything...everything! You know how in high school or college people used to make their "list" of what they wanted in a mate. Well a couple of weeks ago I did that. I was given some advice that in the meantime of "not looking" prepare yourself for that day. Find out what you want. So I made my list. It's pretty lengthy. I put it away in a safe place and I prayed over that list. Because I really feel, and I mean really feel that there is someone who is just that person. Most of my criteria was based on God given qualities. And I was picky...picky...picky. I said I wanted it all and that's what I meant. I don't mean that egotistically, I mean that confidently, because I just feel that God has a plan and at some point that will be a part of His plan. So I have confidence in that.

What sparked that last post was a conversation I had with someone. This person has very differing views on love than I do. Their view is so emotionally based that I don't think they'll ever find what their looking for. And they might, but if it's not based on something more than just an emotion and a good feeling that you get, it will fizzle out. They do not agree at all. And I told them that the only way they will ever find that kind of love that they're wanting is when they turn to God. Once again, they didn't agree.

So it really got me to thinking...and the best example of love is Christ. He is our guide. Traci, I know EXACTLY what you mean about being scared. That's kind of where I'm at, and what I'm having to work through right now. I don't ever want to have a fight between a relationship and God. God always takes precedence...always! And part of what scares me about a relationship is there ever even being anything to possibly to take my focus away from God. So I'm just kind of mulling these thoughts around. I think though that what I want is a relationship that enhances my relationship with Christ. That is the only answer I can come up with, and if it doesn't enhance it, then I don't want it.

I don't's been an odd week. Busy yes, but odd in other ways. Hard...we signed the final decree last night. I took it to the attorney today. I'm just waiting for the call to go to the courthouse. I'm really hoping he will get to tomorrow, because if not it will be after Thanksgiving. It's been much more emotional than I expected. I know, I know, I know...I cut myself some slack. I've just had to be so hard hearted, so when I do get emotional it can be frustrating. But I do realize it's okay to feel what I feel. It's hell...Yes, I just cussed on my blog. But I've decided that there really isn't a better word to describe it. Hell isn't a nice place, and neither is divorce. Well I'm going to go now.


Blogger The Binkley Family said...

I wish I could hug you right now, but since I can't, know that I will be praying for your peace, comfort and joy to be restored.

7:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Traci, without that example of love and grace it would be hard to think of the marriage before myself. I am praying for your list also, and I know you will receive more than you asked or imagined. You have grown so much and I am blessed to call you friend.


8:05 PM  
Anonymous Chrissy said...

I'm praying for you. I think that what you are describing about divorce is why God hates it so much. He hates to see his beautiful children suffering. I want you to know that I believe that you are doing the right thing and that you will not regret it. I also think that you will grow even more in God's love daily as you think about His love for you. Perhaps you will even become more picky and that is just great. At the rate that you are growing, there better be a pretty amazing man out there somewhere.

7:38 PM  
Blogger Lyndy said...

I am so glad that things are going well for you at work and that you will get a break to relax. I think it is very wise that you have made a list and prayed over it. That is wonderful and I actually think I will borrow your idea. They say that love comes when we least expect it, so it is wise to be prepared. I am not about to settle for anything but God’s best.

I think once the divorce is behind you that you will breathe a little easier. Right now it is a dread and something to think about and a constant reminder but once it is over, I think you will feel some better. You are so right; divorce is hell and not a fun thing to go through. What is that old saying, “when you are going through hell, don’t stop running”.

Praying for you my sweet friend.

Hugs, Lyndy

9:47 PM  

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