Monday, November 05, 2007

Hmmmmm

I've written and re-written this post. And I'll probably re-write it again before I get to the bottom.

First of all, I had a great time...just great! I tell ya it was an experience God gave me to help me realize some very important lessons about myself and where I am right now. The last year was really a year of survival for me. And now I find myself in a new place. I'm doing good. I'm happy. I feel good. I am so thankful to be through so much and feel excited to be in the place I am. HOWEVER, at the same time it's a scary place too. It's scary, because it's a place I haven't been in for a long time. I've had my married blinders on for a while, and I'm not used to attention from the opposite sex. I'm not going to lie and say I don't like it, but it's been strange for me.

I got attention this weekend. And now that I am back and have re-entered the "real world" I have to be honest and say, I AM NOT READY. And I have to be careful. You are so vulnerable when you are newly divorced and I can see firsthand how it can be so easy to get into a relationship when you're not ready. I didn't expect to have this even be an issue so soon. I thought for sure my three children would scare anybody off. Well, that doesn't seem to be the case. SOOOOOOOO...I have to be the one to take a stand and watch out for myself. And some days it is easier than others. Some days it's easier to say, "what's the big deal?" It's kind of like hearing the conversation between the devil and angel on your shoulder. And you know, I would love to go on a date. I would love to go out and have fun. HOWEVER, I am old school. And I don't think that you should date until you're ready to get married. I read that book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye in college and I completely agree with it. And then I come back with, "but it's good practice for when you find what you really want." And my final resolution to all of this is that I don't need to worry about it. God will know when I'm ready and therefore I will know. If I really have to question if I'm ready, or the thought of dating makes me want to hyperventilate, those are probably good indicators that it's too soon. I'm not really putting a time line on it, but at the same time I think I need another 6 months to a year before I even enter that arena. Yes, I do have free will, but in this case I want God's will, not my own. If Mr. Right is right in front of my face right now, then he'll be there in 6 months or a year, or in 10 years....whatever. Because even Mr. Right at the wrong time, is still wrong.

And besides I'm having fun. I like being single right now. I tell my babysitter where I'm going and NOBODY else. I want to do some things. I want to go to Vegas in 2008, maybe even by myself if no one else can go. I do someday want to have someone. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. I'm a good wife...to the right person. And someday, God willing, I will be again. But it's not right now...........and I have to keep being wise. And like I said, some days it's harder than others.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Chrissy said...

I will pray that God gives you wisdom to navigate the single world. I think that the Devil is so ready to test you, you have gone through so much and you have grown so much, keep it up.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Praying about that for you and all that goes along with it. Glad you had a good and safe trip and love your playlist!!

7:49 AM  
Blogger Rosheeda said...

You've been on my mind for a day or two - if htere is anything i can pray for, for you or your family - email me: rclee@swbell.net.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Lyndy said...

Again, your attitude amazes me. You have certainly had a year of changes and it is so good to hear that you are doing so well. I am sure you will still have times of sadness hit when you least expect it. I do and it has been over two years since my divorce. It does feel good to get attention but you are wise to be on guard as well. This single world is a totally different place to be.

Shoot if you need someone to go to Vegas with you, I will go. I have never been and it would be a blast.

Hugs, Lyndy

3:14 PM  
Blogger Procters said...

It sounds to me that you are very in tune with where the Spirit needs you to be right now. I still pray for you daily. I still can hardly wait to see what God has planned for you. Hang in there!

5:32 PM  

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