Monday, April 21, 2008

Keepin' it real

Okay, so Jenni awarded me with a zooktastic award. You can click on her link to read about it. She nominated me, because she believes that in my blogging I make an effort to keep it real.

Hmmm...keepin' it real. I tell ya, I'm not feeling so zooktastic these days. I've been feeling pretty craptastic honestly. And it's my own fault...that's the frustrating part. Does anyone else besides me get frustrated with themselves on how they've handled a situation, especially when you know better? And yet, you STILL keep doing it? Please tell me I'm not the only glutton for punishment out there?

I have a song on my playlist called "Too Tender" by Caedmon's Call. That is my absolute favorite song of theirs. Not only is the music absolutely beautiful, but the words to me are very simple, yet powerful.


Too Tender

Water water everywhere

And I complain about my thirst

The prescription's in my hand

While the pain I curse

I know the longer
I know the harder

The walk will be

With my calloused feet

And my too tender knees

Stumbled upon the truth

Wished it'd get out of my way

When I see the light

I pull down the shade

If I were as smart as Christopher

I'd find a closet

If I were as weak as Samson was

I'd make a prophet


I've felt lately that God is just sitting beside me waiting, not really saying anything. He doesn't have to, because I know exactly what He's thinking and He knows that too. He knows that I know better, and I don't feel that He's looking down on me. I feel that He is compassionately just waiting for me to let go, so that He may show me exactly what He has in store for me. As I've learned so many times that when bold decisions are made, bold action follows.

A friend of mine who is a marriage and family therapist told me a couple of weeks ago a story about how they capture monkeys in foreign countries. They put a coconut filled with rice with a hole small enough for the monkeys to fit their hands into it out for the monkeys. Once they stick their hands into it they grab the rice, but aren't smart enough to know that they can't get their hands out without letting go of the rice. So they are captured and killed and they never got to enjoy the rice anyways. What a shame, and that's what we do as humans sometimes. It's a trap!

It reminds me of the story of the Israelites and how they came to the Red Sea and had no clue how God was going to part it.

"As Pharoah approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord, and they said to Moses, "Why did you bring us here to die in the wilderness? Weren't there enough graves for us in Egypt? What have you done to us? Why did you make us leave Egypt? Didn't we tell you this would happen while were still in Egypt? We said, 'leave us alone! Let us be slaves to the Egyptians. It's better to be a slave in Egypt than a corpse in the wilderness!'

But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid." Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.'" Exodus 14:10-14

I can't imagine how scary that was. I mean a huge body of water...that's pretty intimidating. Their thought process is what gets me. They looked at it like they would rather be captive than be dead. They couldn't see far enough in front of them to know that God had a bigger plan and purpose for them. And that's what we do, or I do a lot. It can be so easy to trade one captivity for another, and I don't have to. But that's the way I choose to live sometimes, when I could just let it go and know that God has a bigger plan and purpose for me! I shouldn't try to change it myself, or control it...but KNOW that God has a plan. And it's all a choice...good or bad. Sometimes it's hard to make good choices, but I don't want to chose to be captive. I've tasted the freedom and it's soooooo good. There is nothing like it and I don't ever want to go back to anything that keeps me from my true purpose in Christ.

Yesterday I was talking to SuzAnne and we were talking about some things going on with me and how I was feeling and here is how she responded, "Well that's pretty presumptious and unfaithful of you, don't you think?" Ouch...big kick in the shins from the big sister,but she was sooo right. Hello...I may have faith, but faith in what? You can have all the faith in the world and be putting it in the wrong thing.

Soooooo, in an effort to keep it real...I am going to be in prayer a lot. I am going to be doing some rebuilding and redirection. Just because we come through fire doesn't mean we don't occasionally slip and fall...or jump straight in with both feet. I'm so glad that I'm given second, third, and fourth chances...I will keep trying!
"I waited patiently for the Lord
He turned to me and heard my cry
He lifted me out of the slimy pit
He set my feet on a rock
He put a new song in my mouth."
Psalm 40


Blogger Procters said...

I was recently reintroduced to the scripture Ex. 14:14. I love the peace that fills my soul as I read those words. You are precious...keep on keeping on. God is near.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you are experiencing some rough times. What a blessing it is to have people in your life to remind you of God's truth! Though you may not feel like this now you are doing great work!!


9:14 AM  
Blogger Chrissy Cross said...

IT is so much easier to give in than to take a stand. Why did God make it that way? I love this passage,

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." This from Romans 7.

It comforts me to know that I am not alone in my constant battle with sin in my life, Paul had this struggle too. You are not alone, and you are not the first. There is wonderful encouragement in the word for you, dig in!!

9:48 AM  
Blogger Katherine said...

Great, great thoughts-you are a huge testament to the strength and wisdom of God. You have taken Him and us on you with this tough journey-you have been through the fire, but you are coming out refined :) Thank you for keeping it real and being honest-I know it is not easy, but you have encouraged me-and I know others with your courage and strength through crappy circumstances. I think it would be awesome if you could wrap up all you have written and write a book someday-you are a great writer and have a lot of wisdom to impart!

You should definitely get the book I mentioned-I am only in the first chapter, and I keep thinking, Yes! Yes!! That's it!! ;) I have really been thinking lately that I feel like life is just passing me by and I hate it, because I have always been one to want to squeeze every ounce out of every moment in life.

Yes, you are not alone in being frustrated at yourself when you know you can change what you are doing and know better-it is a painful experience! It is hard sometimes for me to let go and KNOW and trust that God knows better and has a bigger and more awesome plan than I can ever imagine. I have often read Jeremiah 29:11-13 and has become one of my favorite verses, but sometimes don't grab it full force and hang on to it.

Anyway, hang in there-you are awesome and ALL things are possible when you have God on your side...which you do!! :) Blessings, friend~

9:09 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Great post. Thinking of you lots! Saying some prayers too. Its going to work out, it ALWAYS does! You are such a light to me in so many ways girl. Love you.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Jenn Jenn said...

I love how real you are. The more you speak what's in your heart, the more the Lord speak to you for others to hear. You are an amazing woman who has overcome alot in such a short time. I am indeed thankful for meeting you.

I will continue to pray for you and with you...


12:21 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Love the new look~!

Prayers being sent to Him for you~

2:15 PM  
Blogger Cheri said...

Love the new look - see you tomorrow!

9:13 PM  

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