Keepin' it real

Okay, so Jenni awarded me with a zooktastic award. You can click on her link to read about it. She nominated me, because she believes that in my blogging I make an effort to keep it real.

Hmmm...keepin' it real. I tell ya, I'm not feeling so zooktastic these days. I've been feeling pretty craptastic honestly. And it's my own fault...that's the frustrating part. Does anyone else besides me get frustrated with themselves on how they've handled a situation, especially when you know better? And yet, you STILL keep doing it? Please tell me I'm not the only glutton for punishment out there?

I have a song on my playlist called "Too Tender" by Caedmon's Call. That is my absolute favorite song of theirs. Not only is the music absolutely beautiful, but the words to me are very simple, yet powerful.

************

Too Tender

Water water everywhere

And I complain about my thirst

The prescription's in my hand

While the pain I curse

I know the longer

I know the harder

The walk will be

With my calloused feet

And my too tender knees

Stumbled upon the truth

Wished it'd get out of my way

When I see the light

I pull down the shade

If I were as smart as Christopher

I'd find a closet

If I were as weak as Samson was

I'd make a prophet

************

I've felt lately that God is just sitting beside me waiting, not really saying anything. He doesn't have to, because I know exactly what He's thinking and He knows that too. He knows that I know better, and I don't feel that He's looking down on me. I feel that He is compassionately just waiting for me to let go, so that He may show me exactly what He has in store for me. As I've learned so many times that when bold decisions are made, bold action follows.

A friend of mine who is a marriage and family therapist told me a couple of weeks ago a story about how they capture monkeys in foreign countries. They put a coconut filled with rice with a hole small enough for the monkeys to fit their hands into it out for the monkeys. Once they stick their hands into it they grab the rice, but aren't smart enough to know that they can't get their hands out without letting go of the rice. So they are captured and killed and they never got to enjoy the rice anyways. What a shame, and that's what we do as humans sometimes. It's a trap!

It reminds me of the story of the Israelites and how they came to the Red Sea and had no clue how God was going to part it.

"As Pharoah approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord, and they said to Moses, "Why did you bring us here to die in the wilderness? Weren't there enough graves for us in Egypt? What have you done to us? Why did you make us leave Egypt? Didn't we tell you this would happen while were still in Egypt? We said, 'leave us alone! Let us be slaves to the Egyptians. It's better to be a slave in Egypt than a corpse in the wilderness!'

But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid." Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.'" Exodus 14:10-14

I can't imagine how scary that was. I mean a huge body of water...that's pretty intimidating. Their thought process is what gets me. They looked at it like they would rather be captive than be dead. They couldn't see far enough in front of them to know that God had a bigger plan and purpose for them. And that's what we do, or I do a lot. It can be so easy to trade one captivity for another, and I don't have to. But that's the way I choose to live sometimes, when I could just let it go and know that God has a bigger plan and purpose for me! I shouldn't try to change it myself, or control it...but KNOW that God has a plan. And it's all a choice...good or bad. Sometimes it's hard to make good choices, but I don't want to chose to be captive. I've tasted the freedom and it's soooooo good. There is nothing like it and I don't ever want to go back to anything that keeps me from my true purpose in Christ.

Yesterday I was talking to SuzAnne and we were talking about some things going on with me and how I was feeling and here is how she responded, "Well that's pretty presumptious and unfaithful of you, don't you think?" Ouch...big kick in the shins from the big sister,but she was sooo right. Hello...I may have faith, but faith in what? You can have all the faith in the world and be putting it in the wrong thing.

Soooooo, in an effort to keep it real...I am going to be in prayer a lot. I am going to be doing some rebuilding and redirection. Just because we come through fire doesn't mean we don't occasionally slip and fall...or jump straight in with both feet. I'm so glad that I'm given second, third, and fourth chances...I will keep trying!

"I waited patiently for the Lord

He turned to me and heard my cry

He lifted me out of the slimy pit

He set my feet on a rock

He put a new song in my mouth."

Psalm 40