What in the world

Okay, I'm a little frustrated. I hit the update button on my blog...my layout button...GONE. My links...GONE. It wiped out it all and I can't figure out how to fix it. I know I'm computer challenged, but seriously...this is ridiculous. I don't suggest hitting the upgrade button.

Until further notice, I have moved my blog. Click right here and you can get to it. Sorry for all of you that have it linked. If I can figure it out, I'll move it back, but until then...

It's a new week!

I'm glad we're into a new week. I'm not sure how everyone else's was, but mine was hard. It just seemed like there were so many "life" details that I had to figure out last week. So much to figure out, plan for, and re-plan for. I almost didn't get to go to the Tech game yesterday, because my sitter cancelled at 10 Saturday morning. My little sister came to the rescue and it worked out though. I was so glad...I had seats in the suite and I had never been up there before. So that was pretty cool!

I guess on some level I stay consciously or subconsciously stressed. In fact I know I do. I manage to stay settled about the big stuff, it's all the other stuff that gets to me sometimes. I literally felt like I was in a fog for most of the week, but sometime today it just felt like it all lifted. I don't know if someone was praying for me or what, but I feel about a 1,000 pounds lighter...and I'm thankful.

This week looks to be even busier, but I think I've got most of it worked out. Now I'll just watch out for all the other stuff that happens that none of us ever really plan for...like flat tires. I had one of those last week, fortunately the guys at work came to my rescue.

Anyways, hope everyone has a great week!

Sad...

I've said I work with great people. Last night one of those people lost their baby daughter. You can read what he wrote here. They've had a battle since she was born, and she left this world last night. It's so sad. It sure makes any of my problems seem so insignificant. Please pray for them that they may have some peace.

Still Settled...

I got the letter today that Legal Aid can't take my case. It's not because it doesn't have merit, they just can't handle the load right now. I KNOW the case has merit. That's just kind of the risk you take when you apply...you never know who all else is applying. I'm disappointed, but it's okay.

Like I said, I'm learning to become settled when things don't go my way. I guess right now my answer is, "no" or "not right now"...somewhere and somehow it will all work out as it should.

The case with the Attorney General is completely separate, and that will continue on. I'm literally on pins and needles waiting to hear from them. I'm not sure how much faith I have in the system after everything I've heard and read, but I'm just keeping up the faith that again it will all work out as it should. God is in control.

I'll be really honest, I want my pound of flesh really bad. It's a daily, sometimes hourly effort to have a positive attitude in regards to THAT. I struggle THERE. I know most people would say they understood that, but it still doesn't make it right. It's an area of my life that I try to be really settled with, and I have to consistently remind myself I'm not the judge, and again let God be God.

Settled

By nature we are all control freaks. Even those of us who aren't very controlling. I would consider myself to be one one of those. I'm okay with a lot of things, and as long as I don't find myself being threatened in some way, I'm pretty good. However, there are certain thing that we want to go our way...we are selfish creatures. There is a sense of entitlement that things should go a certain way, and vice versa.

It's easy for me to spend a lot of time wondering why my kids had to be so young and how it would be so much easier if they were older. If I just had "this" or "that", things would be easier and better. It's easy to get caught up in that mode of thinking.

Over the last month I've become settled with a lot of different things. I am learning to say, "I don't know" about a lot of things. I am learning that I don't know why my kids are so small, but there is a reason. I have learned not to search for that reason, but be settled in the fact that God knows and that's all that matters.

I have become very settled with the things I don't have and knowing that God provides and always has. I have become very settled in knowing that even on those "boring" days of diaper changing and house cleaning, God is working. I have also become settled on those days when I'm able to get out and have a good time, that God is working then too. There is always purpose.

I've been able to let go of a lot, and let God be God.

I have also become settled in the battle I may have before me. That's not to say I don't have some apprehension about some things, but I also have amazing peace. God is in the middle of it all, and I am blessed beyond belief by wonderful, amazing, supportive, loving, generous friends and family who through so many loving gestures, smiles, and kind words have shown me Christ..."religion" in it's purest form.

Settled...it's a good place to be.

I remember

I don't think I'll ever forget where I was 7 years ago today. I was getting ready for work...running late as usual. I'm early every where I go, but my job at Wells Fargo Financial gave me a lot of flexibility, and I was doing good if I showed up before 9. I was pregnant with Madi. I remember thinking, "I'm bringing a child into this world...now?"

When the towers were hit and fell, I don't think I really understood the implications of what it meant. It wasn't until later when more reports came in that it all started making sense to me as to what really happened and what it meant for our country.

My mom was at the high school and I remember her calling. Our sense of security had been threatened even from an event that happened thousands of miles away. You just kind of wanted to gather your little chicks and bring them in close by. My sister and Colt were in Denver at the time.

So much has changed in 7 years...but I don't think anyone will ever forget that day.

In Better Hands by Natalie Grant

It’s hard to stand

On shifting sand

It’s hard to shine

In the shadows of the night

You can’t be free

If you don’t reach for help

And you can’t love

If you don’t love yourself

But there is hope when my faith runs out…

Cause I’m in better hands now

Chorus:

It’s like the sun is shining

When the rain is pouring down

It’s like my soul is flying

Though my feet are on the ground

So take this heart of mine

There’s no doubt

I’m in better hands now

I am strong

All because of you

I stand in awe of

Every mountain that you move

I am changed

Yesterday is gone

I am safe

From this moment on…

And there’s no fear when the night comes around

I’m in better hands now

Chorus:

It’s like the sun is shining

When the rain is pouring down

It’s like my soul is flying

Though my feet are on the ground

It’s like the world is silent

Though I know it isn’t true

It’s like the breath of Jesus

Is right here in this room

So take this heart of mine

There’s no doubt

You can’t be saved

If you’re not reaching out for help

*************

I love this song. I could listen to it over and over. The words are so pretty. Ya know I don't know what heaven will be like, I guess we all have our opinions. I'm sure it will be better than any of us could ever imagine. One thing I hope is that we're all friends. We wouldn't remember any of the reasons why we were ever mad at each other or why we hurt each other. It would just all be erased, and we would all just love each other. It seems like such a simple thought, yet it's so difficult. Maybe...I hope so.