Okay, well it's been a whirlwind evening with Ryder here. Just as soon as I think we're doing good, we're not. But I think I really may have it this time. He just ate, and spit up all over me, and now he's snoring, so hopefully we're set. It's amazing how you forget how much work these little guys are. As I sit here with him, I think back on how I have had two, and survived.

We really did have a fun day. The party was great, and then we went and got pics at Family Photo. That didn't really go according to plan. We were there for their together pictures and monday we would do individuals. Well we ended up doing just Madi's today. Kyle was not having any part of that. So I ask for prayers on monday. I HAVE to get his pictures done. Madi wasn't wearing what I had picked out for her individuals, but oh well, what can you do? When you have kids, you plan as well as you can, but also realizing that you have to be flexible. She was so funny though. The photographer put her in the pose for the pic and said, "now hold still." and she said, "well you better hurry, b/c I'm probably going to move." Just very matter of factly. She cracks me up.

Well I have a story. We all have those "stories" in our lives that are just crazy. Some of you already know my story or heard it from someone else, so if you do, sorry if it's a repeat. Two years ago tomorrow, August 13th is a day Nathan and I will never forget. Of course you have those anniversay dates, birth dates, and etc, but you also have those other monumental dates in your life. Kyle was 9 days old and I had been out of the hospital for about a week. We had dropped film off at CVS and it was ready and I was really wanting to go get it. I wasn't supposed to drive, but my recovery with Kyle was a breeze, so I packed both kids up and went to CVS. At the time we lived in Slaton, so driving to CVS in Slaton is a little different than Lubbock. Anyways, we came home and came in the house, and there was a message from my OBGYN to call her, and it was very important. I thought it was odd that she called and not a nurse. So I put Madi down for a nap, and sat down and called my dr. When I got her on the phone she asked if I was at a place where I could talk and I said yes. She proceeds to tell me that my tests came back (they test for anything you might have when you're in the hospital after the baby is born) and I tested positive for HIV. Of course I didn't believe her, I told her that's not right, and she said, I'm really sorry but they had tested it three times in the Lubbock and sent it off to Austin to do what is called a Western Blot and it came back positive as well. She then instructed me that I needed to start Kyle on HIV medication right away, b/c if he went through one round of medicine his chances of having it were a lot lower. My mind was racing. What can you think when you hear something like that? I didn't believe it, but it was a blood test. You expect validity from that. So I called Nathan. He was just as confused as I was, but also just in shock. He rushed home from work. I called my mom, and just cried. Then I got a call from the Texas Department of Health. I don't understand what procedure is exactly, but they have to call and talk to you. They have to make sure you're okay, and it's their job to ask the tough questions. By this time Nathan was home and she told me to go into the bedroom and shut the door. She asked me to be honest with her. Had I cheated on Nathan, had he cheated on me? Did I use drugs? All the standard questions I'm sure to ask someone. Although, they really push that whole monogamy thing. It was not fun, I will say that. They really wanted me to point the finger and wanted him to admit something. Nathan and my Dad went to Lubbock to get the medicine for Kyle. There was only one place in Lubbock that carried it. And when they went and got the medicine, I remember Nathan was crying and the pharmacist knew what it was for. He just told him, that it was going to be okay. That we could work through this, he even mentioned Magic Johnson. We had to give him the medicine 4 times a day. Everytime I gave it to him, I felt terrible. I felt guilty even though I knew I hadn't done anything. It was a really long weekend. The longest ever, and the next day we were moving to Lubbock. Which ended up being a blessing, b/c if I hadn't have had something to distract me, I would have been crazy. I already was nuts, but at least I had that as somewhat of a distraction. The plan was that we were to go back in to the doctor on monday morning, and each of us would be tested. They would then take it to the lab at the Texas Department of Health. You would think they could extend of some sort of courtesy and do it a little earlier, but no. That weekend my heart just broke. I remember praying, "why?" I remember finally coming to some sort of peace with myself that if this is something that I must endure it must be for a reason, and we wouldn't be going through it without God's help and guidance. That's the only thing I could think. I spent a lot of time thinking about Job and David, and man I can honestly say that God did a lot for my heart in a very short amount of time. So monday morning came and would you like to know what song came on the radio when my alarm went off? "Live like you were dying" by Tim McGraw. That song had just came out. I hadn't heard it, and I just sat there and listened to it. I have to say that was kind of wierd. I still can't listen to that song without thinking about that. So we went to the doctor, and EVERYONE knew what we were there for. And I felt a little stared at I have to say. It's the HIV family! They had to be a little bit quiet about everything, b/c The Texas Department of Health was meeting us there, and they expect everyone to be very hush hush about that kind of stuff. The woman took me into one room, the man took Nathan into the other room, and once again they went over their questions. During all this we find out that not only did we test positive, but so did 2 other couples that delivered within 48 hours of us and also had our doctor. I sure wish we had known that Friday, but they can't disclose that kind of stuff. Apparently, someone did have HIV, but we didn't, and neither did the other two couples. They got this other persons blood mixed up with ours and kept retesting it. To this day, we don't know the entire story. I do know that they shut down the lab and staff members were fired. My mom has run into the lady at the TDOH a couple of times since then. (My mom is the high school nurse) We didn't get our official tests results back until tuesday afternoon. But we felt pretty okay, when we found out about the other couples. To this day, UMC has never apologized. I had a lot of bitterness towards them for a very long time. I just make passive aggresive jokes now. I know they can't say anything, b/c that would be admitting neglicence, but man extend some common courtest to some people that you hurt!!! I had the same OBGYN for both my kids. I just couldn't bring myself to go back there anymore. I really liked her and her staff, but it honestly took me over a year to get over that. I was a freak for quite a while. Anytime Kyle was sick, I would panic. They offered to put Nathan and I in counseling, and they offered anti-depressants. I ended up going on an anti-anxiety drug. It was too much for me dealing with that and being post-partum. But I have been drug free for over 5 months now. I would have gotten off sooner, but that was hard to wean off of! But I'm good now. So anyways, that's my story. I hope you were able to make it through to the end, I know it was long. Oh and by the way, that was FRIDAY, August 13th. I hope I never have another Friday the 13th like that one again! But a lot of good came out of it. Like I said, God did a lot for my heart that weekend, and he did a lot for my marriage too. Nathan and I had to remain strong, and know what our relationship was based on. He was a rock for me that weekend. I knew he loved me, but I saw a very different side of him that weekend. A very good side.

Well I better go. I hope you all have a great rest of the weekend.