It's interesting being a little further along in this process and being able to be an encouragement to others who are hurting because of divorce. There is this one lady in my group who was married 27 years, and our stories are frightfully similar to each other. Her husband completely checked out after 27 years. Man, I think I have questions. I can't imagine dealing with that after 27 years of marriage. There is just so much to sort through when you've been with a person that long.

Another lady, man I feel so bad for her, she is just hurting so much right now. We were talking, and she told me that she knows that it's hard for me with small children, but how I really am lucky. I knew what she meant, and honestly I agree. Yes, it's hard for me, but I am young. I can start over. That's not to say you can't start over when you're older, but it's just kind of different.

Our topic was depression tonight. I remember when we visited this topic last time. It was in February, and that was the night that Elaina and the co-leader talked me after class and suggested I go see King Buchanan. I was just beside myself with grief and just completely overwhelmed. Now I see other people in that place, and I see how much God has done for me. And because I have come through so much, I know they will too. But I often wonder how I am perceived when I talk about how well I'm doing. To me, my perception is my reality. But sometimes I wonder if people think I smoke crack or something.

I'll explain that further...I mean that God has done everything for me. God has blessed me, changed me, healed me, taken care of me, you name it...God has done it for me. And because He has done all that for me, I know He will continue to do those things for me. And I can't help but shine, and I don't know how people react to that. I would think a lot of people like it or appreciate it, but I'm sure I've got some sceptics out there. And really that doesn't matter. I still believe what I believe, and no one can change that. However, I wonder if I ever rub people the wrong way, because of my optimism. Do you know what I mean?

It reminds me of this guy I used to work with at Coldwell Banker. I remember one day standing at the copier and he walks by and we say the usual, "Hello, how are you...good" Instead of saying good, he says, "I'm better than I deserve!" And I'm like, are you for real? What would be going on in your life that you would be better than you deserve? That also tells you a little bit about my spirit back a year ago. I was one step away from bitter and didn't know it. Now, I can know exactly what he means, and I can't help but be excited.

I have been blessed beyond measure! And I can't help but share that. I really hope I don't rub people the wrong way. I hope that maybe if people don't understand me that maybe someday they will. I think God wants me to keep being positive. I don't think He wants me to close my mouth, and hide what is inside of me. It's my job to share. And I'm so glad that I can.