Friday, May 09, 2008

6 months

My mind works in 6 month increments. It used to work in monthly increments. Before that it was weekly and daily. I think that helps me to see how far I've come and hopefully shows me that it does get better in a pretty short amount of time. Looking back now, I'm totally and completely amazed. Not only do I look back, but I most definitely look forward. I always look into the next 6 months. I wonder what I'll be doing and wonder how much the kids will have changed. Because of all of this, I see my kids changing so much in even a short span of 6 months. They mature and grow so quickly. I really can't believe that when this all began Madi was 4 1/2 and Kyle was 2 1/2. And now my little man will be celebrating his 1st birthday in less than two weeks!!!

This has been a challenging week for me. What I was praying for didn't happen. I was pretty bummed, but in my heart of hearts I know it wasn't for me. If it would have been, I would have gotten it. It's taken me a whole lot of praying and talking to myself to realize that what I want isn't always what God wants. God will give me what I need and not what I want. And what I need will ultimately be better in the long run anyways.

I love being able to look back at situations and see where my unanswered prayers were actually all in God's hands, and how He uses those times to ultimately bring about something completely different and unexpected in my life and amazes me with it. Isn't that the best???

I'll be honest, I've been really impatient. To the point where I'm talking to God several times a day and saying, "Uhhh God, you do see this, right? You do understand the importance of this, right? Okay, just making sure."

I'll be really honest about something else too, and this one is a little harder for me to admit. I've been kind of angry, because somewhere along the line I got the idea that because I do have my challenges at times, God owed me. He needed to give me what I wanted because of the situation before me. I feel horrible for feeling that way, and have been completely humbled this week. And yet, He forgives me and just wants me to continue to trust Him. He DOES see what is before me, and He DOES know how I feel. He just needs me to trust Him, that He is in control and ultimately has my best interest in mind.

I have a picture of me and the kids on my fridge from Halloween. I like the picture. I look at it often and I look at myself. I see in myself a girl who was sooo tired. But yet I see a girl who had a spirit of great perseverance about her. She had come through so much in a short amount of time, but knew she still had a long ways to go. I don't look at that time with envy though and I bet 6 months from now, I won't look at this time with envy either. Just another period of growth. So while this time does still have it's challenges, it is important for me to look at these challenges and appreciate them for what they are...growth. And most importantly to trust God that He does understand it all and knows what the next 6 months will bring.


Blogger John, Kisti & Maren said...

I love your spirit! Thanks for sharing so honestly!

10:11 PM  
Blogger Cheri said...

I know this has been a very hard week. I am still praying for you and that God will take care of every situation you find yourself in. There's that fine line between trusting God to take care of things and not completely sitting on your behind while He takes care of it. I'm not sure personally where that line is, but I know it's a tough one to walk. Thank goodness He's there walking right beside us!

8:13 AM  
Blogger TREY MORGAN said...

It's amazing to me how many times we pray for things that don't happen when we want them, but then we look back later and see that God did answer the prayer, just now when we wanted.

I understand you pain in prayer. Just remember Jesus' words, "Always pray, and don't give up..."

9:49 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

You have had such a strong spirit through it all Larissa. I am so inspired by you.
I think you such an amazing person. And I really really mean that. Such a sweet friend.

10:07 AM  
Blogger Darla said...

I am praying that the next 6 months will be even better than you could ever except. I pray that you keep your great spirit up. GOD is so good!

5:15 PM  
Blogger Jenn Jenn said...

You know.. I think we are going thru the same emotions right about the same time.. Its amazin how the Lord does things.. ;) You are right in saying that the Lord gives you what you need and when you don't think you will get what you want, He slides those things or people into what you need. ;) Remember, He does all things well. And is always looking out for you.

10:23 AM  

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