Sunday, August 24, 2008

You know as a mom you kind of have that intuition when you know you might as well go ahead and get the coffee ready, because most likely at some point during the night you're going to need it. I'm thinking that tonight it might be one of those nights. Maybe I should go to bed NOW to get a head start.

We didn't go to church this morning, because Mason was a little feverish...really low grade, but still I don't want to take my child to the nursery that way. All you Monterey mom's can thank me. :) I thought maybe it was just his teeth, but it's gone up this afternoon and evening. I'm suspecting that we'll be going to the Doctor tomorrow. I could be wrong, but like I said...mom's intuition.

The only thing I hate about that is that I don't have any vacation days or sick days until January 1st. I fortunately work with wonderful people, but still...it bothers me. And of course this is the greatest time of year, because tomorrow is my mom's first day of school too...it's every one's first day. So the options are a little bit smaller for me right now. Anybody wanna watch a cute baby??? Oh well, I'm not the first single mom this has happened to, and I won't be the last.

Okay, so next topic...I was thinking today. Forgive me for a moment here, because I'm going to play devil's advocate and sound completely pessimistic. People have these phrases..."Everything happens for a reason, timing is everything, everything has a purpose..." You can add anything else in there you want. You get my point. Anyways, sometimes I wonder if we don't say those things to make ourselves feel better. People aren't comfortable with being uncomfortable. They want some sort of understanding or explanation so they say these things to somehow make themselves feel better, when sometimes things just suck. Does that make sense?

Sometimes it can be hard to hear those "one liners" from people, especially when the pain is still fresh. I guess that's why I'm so careful when I try to comfort someone who is going through something tragic. I remember one of my old realtor friends saw me when my divorce was so fresh and she knew the entire story and she piped in (with good intentions) "well, everything happens for a reason." I wanted to knock her out.

I think what I've come to believe that yes crap happens and it hurts. It's what God is able to do out of that crappy situation that makes His story. I don't know...that's just what I think. I don't pretend to know everything. I think, however, one time I did pray for wisdom. Sometimes I think I regret that decision. Just like patience, you pray a price for wisdom too.

I was reading this blog the other day of this (single) dad and he was telling the story of how his wife died. She had been on bed rest for 5 weeks. She had a c-section and 27 hours after the babies birth she got up out of bed and walked over to the baby to see her for the first time. She collapsed and died of a pulmonary embolism. So now here is this guy raising his daughter by himself. My initial thoughts were, "oh my gosh, I can't imagine raising and infant by yourself." And then the other half of my brain WOKE up and said, "hey dummy, that what you just did and you have two other kids." I just started laughing. It's amazing how much I forget. How much I've come through and don't even realize it. I'm doing this all alone! I don't have the luxury of every other weekend off or Wednesday evenings off, or whatever standard possession order is. See, I don't even know what the standard possession order is, because it's not part of my life! I'm not saying this to look for pity...I say this because sometimes I just don't get it. I don't get why God thought I was so strong, because I have to be a ROCK. Yes, most definitely with the grace of God...only with the grace of God. But still, I don't understand what God saw in me. I struggle with that sometimes, I really do.

7 Comments:

Blogger Michelle (wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, and striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman) said...

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Blessings,
Michelle

1:45 AM  
Anonymous Amanda said...

I hope Mason gets to feeling better soon. Abbi has been under the weather a lot lately too. It's not fun!! I know you just got through talking about this, but you will be fine! Let me know if you need anything.

8:36 AM  
Blogger suzanne said...

I just got caught up on your last several blogs. Love the quotes! I assume Mason is doing ok...you know that I would have kept him today!

10:44 AM  
Blogger Adam & Carrie Tungate said...

I really needed to read this today. I have a childhood friend that just lost her baby 2 weeks before the due date with no explanation and I have been searching for a "reason" to make myself feel better. I know that she will be okay because God will give her the strength to get through it. Anyway, I know what God saw in you making you able to raise your 3 children on your own because I see it too! You are an amazing woman and you encourage me by the way you live your life even though we don't ever see each other. I just wanted you to know that. I also want you to know that I'm a stay at home mom and if you EVER need a break or any assistance when your regular back-up isn't available, I will be happy to help out. ;)

1:59 PM  
Blogger Marta said...

I hope that Mason is feeling better! Poor guy... just hate when they don't feel good!

I know completely what you mean about people having the best intentions but their words not really helping. When my mom died people used to say those same things. And I remember thinking, "There's no possible reason good enough for my mom to die." Sometimes you just need to hear that people are sorry that you're hurting. Sometimes you just need people to say nothing at all.

That being said, I'm sorry that you've had the pain you've had. I thank you for the honesty you've shown and I admire so much the strength you have.

3:08 PM  
Blogger Elaina said...

Small Picture - Short Term View: Bad things happen. We make bad choices. Other People make bad choices that affect us.

Big Picture – 20/20 Hindsight: Our God is a Redeeming God. He never allows to be taken away what he can’t/won’t replace. His Grace is sufficient…

3:25 PM  
Blogger Katherine said...

Wow, Larissa-you continue to amaze and inspire me! Thank you for letting us inside of your journey-however painful and hard it is, I am glad we can walk it together. Everything you are saying makes perfect sense, and too many times words are just not adequate to describe or help when we are struggling or cannot make sense of what is going on. You are amazing, girl-you have such strength and wisdom, and God has blessed you and is blessing others through this process.

Yes, I would love to come watch a cute baby!! Do you have an extra room? ;)

4:35 PM  

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