You know as a mom you kind of have that intuition when you know you might as well go ahead and get the coffee ready, because most likely at some point during the night you're going to need it. I'm thinking that tonight it might be one of those nights. Maybe I should go to bed NOW to get a head start.

We didn't go to church this morning, because Mason was a little feverish...really low grade, but still I don't want to take my child to the nursery that way. All you Monterey mom's can thank me. :) I thought maybe it was just his teeth, but it's gone up this afternoon and evening. I'm suspecting that we'll be going to the Doctor tomorrow. I could be wrong, but like I said...mom's intuition.

The only thing I hate about that is that I don't have any vacation days or sick days until January 1st. I fortunately work with wonderful people, but still...it bothers me. And of course this is the greatest time of year, because tomorrow is my mom's first day of school too...it's every one's first day. So the options are a little bit smaller for me right now. Anybody wanna watch a cute baby??? Oh well, I'm not the first single mom this has happened to, and I won't be the last.

Okay, so next topic...I was thinking today. Forgive me for a moment here, because I'm going to play devil's advocate and sound completely pessimistic. People have these phrases..."Everything happens for a reason, timing is everything, everything has a purpose..." You can add anything else in there you want. You get my point. Anyways, sometimes I wonder if we don't say those things to make ourselves feel better. People aren't comfortable with being uncomfortable. They want some sort of understanding or explanation so they say these things to somehow make themselves feel better, when sometimes things just suck. Does that make sense?

Sometimes it can be hard to hear those "one liners" from people, especially when the pain is still fresh. I guess that's why I'm so careful when I try to comfort someone who is going through something tragic. I remember one of my old realtor friends saw me when my divorce was so fresh and she knew the entire story and she piped in (with good intentions) "well, everything happens for a reason." I wanted to knock her out.

I think what I've come to believe that yes crap happens and it hurts. It's what God is able to do out of that crappy situation that makes His story. I don't know...that's just what I think. I don't pretend to know everything. I think, however, one time I did pray for wisdom. Sometimes I think I regret that decision. Just like patience, you pray a price for wisdom too.

I was reading this blog the other day of this (single) dad and he was telling the story of how his wife died. She had been on bed rest for 5 weeks. She had a c-section and 27 hours after the babies birth she got up out of bed and walked over to the baby to see her for the first time. She collapsed and died of a pulmonary embolism. So now here is this guy raising his daughter by himself. My initial thoughts were, "oh my gosh, I can't imagine raising and infant by yourself." And then the other half of my brain WOKE up and said, "hey dummy, that what you just did and you have two other kids." I just started laughing. It's amazing how much I forget. How much I've come through and don't even realize it. I'm doing this all alone! I don't have the luxury of every other weekend off or Wednesday evenings off, or whatever standard possession order is. See, I don't even know what the standard possession order is, because it's not part of my life! I'm not saying this to look for pity...I say this because sometimes I just don't get it. I don't get why God thought I was so strong, because I have to be a ROCK. Yes, most definitely with the grace of God...only with the grace of God. But still, I don't understand what God saw in me. I struggle with that sometimes, I really do.