Sunday, June 24, 2007

I won't do it!!!

This has been a tough day. Something happened last night gave me quite a scare. Don't worry I'm fine and so are the kids. Nothing happened to us, but what did happen does affect us. And for any other family reading this, our other family memebers are okay too. I'm sorry for being so vague, I just don't want to post it on the internet. If you want to email me, I will tell you, I just don't think it's my place to say it right now.

Anyways, I was just so mad. I still am. I mean at some point I say, "okay seriously...I can't take anymore. I've had enough!" I literally fell on my knees balling and praying, and just thinking, "is this my life?" Surely I must wake up from this nightmare that has gone on for six months. Yes, it's been six months. That's crazy for me to believe. Sometimes I just don't know what to think. I know I will get through this, and I know that life will not always be this way, it's just the getting there that is the hard part.

I started thinking about Job and how he lost everything, and still believed that God was good. He never gave up. I look at my life and I just wish that Satan would get the hint. I'm not going to bow before him. I will give him nothing, and there is nothing he can give me to make my life easier. I won't do it, and I will say Praise God for everything I have! God is in control even on days when I sit and wonder how some things could happen or what their purpose is.

You know I can see myself in years down the road...I'm happy. I can see me using my situation as a real ministry to help others. I can see myself re-married to someone who loves me and loves my kids. I can see a wonderful blessed future, and I don't think God puts that out there to tease me. It's real, and I know it's what God wants for me. But I have to get through this, and I have to remember who got me through it.

God is powerful and He is ANY and EVERY situation.


Blogger jen said...

Wow, thank you God for allowing Larissa to feel you so close right now. Thank you for allowing her to feel your comfort and encouragement. Thank you for the woman you are forming her to be.

8:37 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

God is SSSOOOOOOOO good! He really has given you so much strength and already used you as a ministry opportunity even though you may not realize it. You are a real encouragement to me in many many ways. I feel blessed to have gotten to know you over the past two or three years. The time that we shared in Bible study was priceless and watching how you react to life is just amazing. I long to be more like you in so many ways. I am praying for you daily for comfort and peace and strength- you are making it through. Look how far you have come! Love you girl.

9:55 AM  
Blogger Penless Thoughts said...

Oh Larissa, you've said it all and said it so well!!!!! Yes , YES,, YES!!!!

2:56 PM  
Blogger Lyndy said...

Larissa, I am praying for you and your family. Why does life have to be so dang hard? Your strength through all of this has just been amazing.

I wish I could take away the pain in both our hearts.

Love and prayers, Lyndy

11:33 PM  
Blogger Paulette said...

Larissa, I don't know what is going on but know I am praying for you. I am one of your biggest admirers because I relate to what you are going through.
I am dealling with my son being with his dad the whole month of July which is hard, but I am so grateful my children were older when going through this. They fair better thanI do because I still some days cant believe it or want to for that matter.
I am praying for you and you can email me if you need to share. My email is on my blog.
Blessings and I am praying for you.

1:08 PM  

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